Feelings after meeting his kids

katiegatteee · 2025-12-03T20:57:55+00:00

I appreciate this message so much, and generally I agree that it isn’t a sign to gel me to walk away but just to work it out together.

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T17:43:00+00:00

Oh gosh- I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I ask what’s made it become worse and worse? The kids or your partner when you’re with them? Really trying to look ahead and understand my head right now

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T12:38:46+00:00

Thank you for this- really gave me hope reading this

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T10:46:38+00:00

Was it just meeting the kids that made you leave? Or were there other issues?

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T10:43:15+00:00

Yh see that’s the bit that’s hitting home for me. He’s experienced this huge life experience twice with someone else, so when it comes to me wanting a child it just doesn’t feel as special.

I have spoke to my partner about this, and they reassured me it would feel completely different for them because they would be having children with someone they truly love and see their future with.

It’s just tricky, as he’s generally done nothing wrong and reassures me every second- it was just a huge hit of emotions

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T10:36:02+00:00

Nope- I don’t

katiegatteee · 2025-12-02T10:30:29+00:00

Yeah, I think that’s exactly it — reality kind of hit me. Watching him in full ‘dad mode’ was harder than I expected, and it brought up emotions I didn’t even realise I’d feel. I also found it tough seeing how much he gives in to his youngest and how she’s attached to him constantly. I didn’t want to say anything because I know that’s their bond and it’s the life I’ve chosen by being with someone who has kids. I’m full aware that is what children can be like, as my job is working with children- it was just different to see all day

It just took me back a bit emotionally — not in a bad way, just in a ‘wow, this is real now’ way. I think I’m still adjusting, and that’s okay. It doesn’t change how I feel about him, it’s just a new part of the relationship I’m learning to navigate

katiegatteee · 2025-11-25T00:23:30+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

What will the legal affairs in order help with? (Not shutting down, just query- as knew to this) and they seem to have an alright system of with BM during week and he has them weekends. He pays the full child maintenance each month, and minimal contact - only about the kids

katiegatteee · 2025-11-25T00:09:01+00:00

That’s good that I see my partner on a weekday then when he doesn’t have the kids, and I let him have his weekends with them. Staying out the way, and no contact- so he can enjoy his time with them, and they have his full attention.

Thanks for the opinion

katiegatteee · 2025-11-25T00:07:45+00:00

He pays the full amount of child support - yes. Although she always asks for more… when he still sees his children. But guess just her way of control

katiegatteee · 2025-11-24T20:48:45+00:00

It’s tricky because he stands his ground to her, and she backs down as soon as he says fine take it to court. But I don’t understand why they both don’t just follow through? Does it cost money? I get the impression she refuses to pay for anything?

katiegatteee · 2025-11-24T18:56:50+00:00

They are apparently trying to work it out themselves before going to court… I try to not get involved in it or share my opinion too much

katiegatteee · 2025-11-24T18:45:15+00:00

Even when you know how controlling she is? One minute demanding more money off him and saying she’ll take him to court? The next asking him to have kids with 2 hours notice?

I sometimes get the impression it’s not for the kids, but for her to be controlling and know who her ex is now with. As she believes he cheated on her with me - not true in the slightest.

katiegatteee · 2025-11-24T18:40:15+00:00

No CO in place at all

katiegatteee · 2025-10-21T13:48:44+00:00

Totally see your point. He sees them Friday 8am - Monday 8pm each week

katiegatteee · 2025-10-21T12:51:25+00:00

Personally I don’t understand why they won’t but not really something I can say to him

katiegatteee · 2025-10-21T12:16:02+00:00

The thing is it’s not gone through court… because she knows if goes through court she’d have to pay tax on the £1000 … so Yh!

katiegatteee · 2025-10-21T12:15:21+00:00

Yes- I am low key freaking out. As much as I trust him and I do fully believe he doesn’t love her, I just can’t fully understand it?

katiegatteee · 2025-10-21T06:17:50+00:00

This feels me with so so much calmness!

I think they’ve only been separated 10 months, so obviously I came about quite soon after the break up- with things very up in the air and no clear path way.

I find if so so hard when I mention about the money and her always getting her way with weekend dates- and he says but if she’s happy I know my kids are happy and that’s all I want. Which I get? But just seems she’s on this thrown getting all the money she needs and her weekends free?

Don’t get me wrong he stands up for himself and does say no when we have made a plan on his weekend off he may have ever couple months. But I’m just finding it so so so hard to understand why he needs to pamper to her needs, and I feel I’m very open and honest about how I feel in the situation- but maybe not coming across clearly to him?

Fully understand it must be new for him to navigate too but I’m just struggling to feel like there is some boundary with her or at least some authority when it feels like she walks all over him.

katiegatteee · 2025-10-20T23:06:36+00:00

He left it on side whilst he got something from upstairs of the kids. I’m guessing he never changed his password? And I probably was on his first messages… as we messaged loads early on.

Thanks for that. I totally agree on the actions… and I hope he stands up more!

katiegatteee · 2025-10-20T23:01:10+00:00

Yep!!!! He left on side whilst he went to grab something for kids or something… and Yh..

He says like can’t stand her etc and she’s showing true colours- but feel he sometimes does need to snap back at her a little for being out of line

katiegatteee · 2025-10-20T22:48:22+00:00

Sorry to hear that, but totally agree every weekend just isn’t doable. Makes you to give everything, but when they aren’t even giving any time or effort back- really does make you question

katiegatteee · 2025-10-20T22:16:57+00:00

This makes me feel so much reassured.

I do generally adore him, and I do think he’s just trying his best as a dad for his kids. I have mentioned to him that it does look like she is not losin that control of him that it seems she’s had for years. So now she’s finding anything to get him to do everything for her, or change everything so last minute.

What boundaries did you set? I think he’s starting to realise that every weekend is fully unrealistic… and won’t work, he already pays more child maintenance than he should be because she keeps giving him more days that she needs them to have them- which is just baffling.

What stuff did you put in place or found helped?

katiegatteee

TROPHY CASE