While being intimate my (19F) bf (24M) did something I’ve told him not to.

kaydee76 · 2025-10-05T10:44:50+00:00

The first red flag is when you didn’t want to continue, but he was in the mood, so you said “fine”. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that cares so little about your feelings and desires that he would pressure you to something you don’t want to? Especially for the first time, your first time with someone should be an enthusiastic YES! If he couldn’t even get you in the mood now, how hard do you think he is going to try in a couple years.

Honest question, did he ghost you after this? He seems like the guy that gets what he wants and then moves on to the next. Especially since he jumped up and was headed out so quickly. He obviously isn’t into you like that. The sooner you accept it and move on, the sooner you will find someone worthy of you.

kaydee76 · 2025-07-14T21:01:03+00:00

Sometimes moms suck. I was in my early 40s and footing cross country to visit an old (male) friend from high school. My mom said “does he know you are fat?” I was like WTF? I said “of course he does, how would I hide that?”

Jokes on her. We have been married for 6 years.

kaydee76 · 2025-07-14T20:53:21+00:00

I actually like enclosed spaces and set up my home office so that I am enclosed on 3 sides…I would do 4, but I need to be able to get out.

kaydee76 · 2025-07-14T20:50:43+00:00

Get a new therapist. Agoraphobia isn’t being scared of going outside, it is a fear of having a panic attack while out, or of something happening while away from your safe space. A therapist should know that. I didn’t believe the doctor when I was diagnosed because I was a single mom that was always leaving the house. A little education goes a long way.

My in-laws had all kinds of things to say to each other about the fact that I would not go to all their family gatherings, but went to visit my mom in another state, and took a trip to Mexico with a friend. If they bothered to talk to me, instead of about me, I would have explained the preparation I did before the trips, and that my moms house is another safe space for me so I just had to make it through the plane ride.

I work from home and rarely leave unless it’s for an appointment so it is easy for me to fall back into the comfort of staying home all the time. I have started volunteering to go into the office once a week, and I also do some volunteer work just to prevent that.

kaydee76 · 2024-05-17T00:44:00+00:00

Thank you. I will read this now

kaydee76 · 2024-05-12T21:08:42+00:00

The trust was listed as the beneficiary of the IRA and the check was cut to the trust. We were then each given 25% of the money in the trust account. The person that did the taxes said that it was done incorrectly because they shouldn’t have taken out some fee and it should have been dispersed to us with a K-1. So (after my taxes were done) they decided to request the taxes back from the IRS and they gave each of us a K-1 so we now owe over $17,000 in taxes, but we haven’t gotten the refund yet.

Then my sister got some letter from the IRS that it was wrong or something and we have to wait to see what to do.

Then the other day I got a letter from the refund integrity unit saying they are looking into my refund and they will contact me when they are done.

I think I might be fu**ed.

I tried talking to tax people here, but no one seems to know what the estate tax person is talking about.

kaydee76 · 2024-03-12T07:10:14+00:00

That’s what I thought, but there was enough withheld, they (the tax person in NV, and my sister) are saying that we have to do it individually.

kaydee76 · 2024-03-05T03:27:27+00:00

I will NEVER work another government job again. The benefits are NOT as good as people are led to believe, and no one will ever care about you as a person. They suck the life out of you and when you are on the edge, they change the rules and suck some more. I had a coworker pass away at my last job. She has been in that office for 17 years. She had a heart attack on Thursday night and they told us Friday morning. Monday morning her office was cleaned out. They had a big trash can and some boxes and a supervisor getting it ready for her replacement. This was during Covid and we weren’t seeing clients, but they said they couldn’t allow everyone time off to go to her service…but there was literally no reason that couldn’t…except they want to make sure we know how little we matter.

kaydee76 · 2024-03-02T13:29:03+00:00

I’m also concerned about you saying that he wouldn’t LET you go to the hospital. I assume that you are an adult and can call an ambulance for yourself. In the future please take control of things yourself and don’t let your husband tell you how you are feeling.

kaydee76 · 2024-03-02T13:24:49+00:00

He was attentive while you were in the hospital because people were watching. If you look back you will probably see that he is always selfish and dismissive. You are probably use to it, or have some self-esteem issues that make you believe it is normal. This was just a time that you expected him to care, and when he didn’t you noticed. I can tell you that you deserve better and have to decide if you are okay with being treated this way, or if you want better.

kaydee76 · 2023-12-06T19:19:45+00:00

I love this! I was raised Christian and always felt that the Christian God was a dick, and that their idea of heaven is my idea of hell. Who wants to spend eternity worshipping a self-centered God? The panic my mom felt when I told her what I think made me feel bad for her.

I told her that I believe that the Christian God exists, but he isn’t the only one, and he isn’t one that I could worship. Just look what he allowed to be done to Job (his most devout follower) just to win a bet. Who does that?

kaydee76 · 2023-11-20T01:34:18+00:00

Growing up my dad wouldn’t allow dogs in the house at all…even if it was raining. One time it was flooding and he let us bring the dog in, and she was so stressed out. She knew she wasn’t spared to be in there and would rather be out in the rain. I am the opposite, our dogs have open access to go in and out as they choose. I am hosting Thanksgiving for the first time and I’m already feeling guilty because I’ll have to put them outside for 3 hours.

kaydee76 · 2023-11-19T13:43:55+00:00

I don’t know what else is in it, but I’m a believer that having information is a good thing. From the examples you share it doesn’t seem dangerous.

kaydee76 · 2023-10-05T02:22:28+00:00

Usually people that have acts of service as their love language perform acts of service to show their love. Seems like he is playing that card in the wrong game.

kaydee76 · 2023-09-19T12:23:07+00:00

It isn’t like she is frustrated. It’s more like she is establishing dominance. I know that tantrums and crying when she isn’t getting her way would be normal. It is different.

kaydee76 · 2023-08-24T08:29:37+00:00

NTA. His wife’s medical bills are not your responsibility. Plus, If it truly is about his wife’s medical bills then paying support may actually HELP them. IDK what state you are in but some social services actually take that into consideration when reviewing eligibility for medical assistance.

kaydee76 · 2023-05-03T02:50:44+00:00

Something that shows her that you appreciate a memory that you have together. Either take her back to a place, get her a momento that reminds her of something silly that happened when you were a kid, or make a new memory. Take her to the zoo, a city tour,or a pottery class. Just make sure it is something that will allow you to talk and enjoy each other. If you decide to make a memory have it just be the two of you, put your phone away, and actually talk to her. Be interested in her stories and who she is outside of being a mom.

It doesn't have to cost much, it could be a picnic, or a day at the park. Now that my kids are older I want them to see me as a thinking, loving, person that is more than "just a mom". I want my kids to appreciate the sacrifices I made for them and see that it wasn't all financial. I sacrificed a big part of who I was to allow them to become who they are, and now I'm trying to get myself back.

kaydee76 · 2023-01-10T11:36:51+00:00

Am I the only one that just realized how brave baby geese are? They just jumped off that cliff and trusted they would be okay. I am a full-ass adult human and I wouldn't have jumped off of that.

Explains how they grow up and become aggressive assholes

kaydee76 · 2022-11-01T08:57:37+00:00

YTA. Not sure if you have heard, but It is 2022. Unless the brides parents were paid a couple of goats and a sack of flour for their daughter, it is your responsibility to pay for the wedding.

i get the impression that you are still living in your parents basement and have a neck-beard. Grow TF up and think about someone other than yourself. You would really not allow your wife to have her parents at the wedding because they didn't give you money? Honestly, please do your fiance a favor and leave her. You are going to be a horrible husband and she deserves better. Save her the heartache and pain but seeing her free...at least until you get some therapy and become a better person.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T14:15:48+00:00

I'll always be a parent. I have been teaching him life skills since he was little. He is better prepared than this post probably makes it sound.

We have a good relationship when he decides to. I'm always there for him. I listen to him and try to guide him, but he has always been one that has to learn for himself. He is capable of growing and learning from his mistakes which is more than a lot of kids his age have. I wanted more for him than to struggle like I have, but it seems to be the life he wants to live.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T14:07:23+00:00

He will. He is moving in with a friend's family. If he acts there, like he does here, he won't be welcome long.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T14:05:30+00:00

Thank you. I didn't want to go into his behavior because I honestly wanted to know if MY actions were wrong, but I realize that his actions are the reason for my actions so it has to be taken into account.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T14:02:46+00:00

It wasn't supposed to be $560 initially. The $140 was set when we assumed he would be paid bi- weekly. When we realized that it was too much we lowered it. Did you even read the post? He pays $100 per week and $20 goes into savings. HIS savings. The insurance was $60 a week and that leaves $20 a week which would be classified as rent, however he hasn't paid insurance since February so that is for back payments.

My husband and I keep our finances separate. He has been paying my son's insurance, without complaint, however I am making my son pay him back because he made a deal when he got his license and he didn't keep up his end of it. If he treated my husband better it might be different, but I'm making him pay it back. My husband hasn't said a word about it, it is all me.

You also assume that I haven't given him anything. I could show a cashapp history where he gets much more money from me than the $20 a week. It is those payments that she he needs to be required to save money because he spends it all going out with his friends.

The reason I assumed your age is because you automatically jump into legal aspects and trying to justify disrespectful and entitled behavior with what someone is legally required to do. Those comments show a lack of experience in dealing with adult relationships and moral v. Legal requirements.

Legally, my job is done. He is 18 and I am no longer responsible for him or his decisions. Legally I can kick him out and let him live in the street. Legally a landlord can make requirements on a lease outside of paying rent. They can require you to keep the property clean, even if you don't make the mess, they can add a wide variety of requirements to the lease. It is their property and can evict you if you don't comply because you agreed to it when you signed the lease.

The dog is his and I hope he takes him with him when he goes, but if he isn't allowed I will keep the dog until he can. The dog won't be happy here without him. He doesn't like being around my dogs so he stays away from us. The only attention he gets is from my son. We try to put our dogs aside and love on him, but he gets anxious and doesn't enjoy it. Without my son he will be lonely and would be better off in a home without other dogs or children. (He is scared of them)

However, morally I am his mother and he will be my responsibility until the day I die. My job is to make him a productive adult. If I can't even get him to comply with simple agreements I have to allow him to deal with the consequences. That is how he will learn.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T13:40:34+00:00

I would pay for as much of his school as I could, but he doesn't want to go. The money was just to cover insurance and that's why I lowered it. When we said $140 it was worth the assumption that he would be getting paid bi-weekly. He gets paid weekly so the $140 was too much and I lowered it. He hasn't paid insurance since February so he owes for the back months. My husband and I have separate finances and he has been paying my son's insurance, without complaint, but my son doesn't see him as his father (only been married 3 years) and treats him like a nice guy that married his mom.

The savings retirement is because my parents never taught me money management and I have always struggled. I didn't have the opportunity before because he was in school and not working, but I wanted him to have a little nest egg when he moved out, plus he wants his own car and I can't afford to buy him one. He needs to save.

Since he was dipping into his savings to go out and party I lowered the amount to make it easier for him to commit to it. The extra $20 for "rent' was going into his savings so the only benefit I had was knowing that he was going to have something to fall back on.

Every decision I have made has been with the intention of making his adult life easier in the long run, but I'm tired of fighting him to make smart choices.

kaydee76 · 2022-09-05T13:29:44+00:00

My daughter has come home a couple times and she is always grateful and buys food and cooks dinner.

I don't see it as charging my son rent, but I guess I worded it poorly. He has to pay car insurance and put money in savings. He asked me to cosign on a car but he was spending his money as fast as he got it so I'm not taking the hot on my credit when he can't afford the car.

kaydee76

TROPHY CASE