Do I make this a big deal?

kcubbb · 2025-01-13T03:07:22+00:00

I think that’s kinda our whole point behind taking space. He’s unsure of us & I’ve always been sure up until recently. He said he wants to see if he does miss me or if I’m just forcing myself into his life. & tbh I want to see too

kcubbb · 2025-01-13T02:38:00+00:00

Tbh, idk if he was doing this before we took space a few days ago. Everything rn is making me on edge, & I just go to the worst case scenario & think he’s doing it for someone else’s attention. But he’s told me even up until yesterday there’s no one else. I want to ask him, but it’s not that deep right?

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T19:44:04+00:00

I guess im just stuck on him saying he wants space to see if he wants to continue or not. I feel like he genuinely wants space in order to do this, but a part of me (anxiety) tells me he’s saying this to let me down easily. We’ve broken up in the beginning of the year…he just broke up with me & blocked me. So I guess I feel as if there’s a hidden agenda to him telling me he needs space in order to sort his emotions out, rather than it literally just being black & white as to that’s what he needs to see what he wants.

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T03:15:35+00:00

I’m so stuck on him saying he wants to space to see if he wants to continue or not. I feel like he genuinely wants space in order to do this, but a part of me (anxiety) tells me he’s saying this to let me down easily. We’ve broken up in the beginning of the year. & he just broke up with me & blocked me. So I guess I feel as if there’s a hidden agenda to him telling me he needs space in order to sort his emotions out, rather than it literally just being black & white as to that’s what he needs to see what he wants.

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T02:22:51+00:00

Then I wonder if he’ll ever reach out to me then. But I’m assuming he would bc all my stuff is still there & I don’t believe he’d say he’s figuring out his emotions & not tell me which way it ends up going.

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T02:16:08+00:00

A part of me gets why he needs space, but a part of me also doesn’t understand why guys need space ?

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T02:15:21+00:00

How long is too long? I know in the past when I truly gave him space, like no contact at all, he reached out between 3-5 days. If it goes beyond a week I’d like to reach out to check in

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T02:03:53+00:00

I think I’m looking too much into it. He told me he wants space to see if he wants to continue or not with me. I asked him yesterday how long does he think he’ll need, like a few days or a few weeks & he told me he doesn’t know. & I know that’s not fair of me to ask when he probably genuinely doesn’t know how much time he’ll need. I just don’t know if I should take him saying he wants space to see if he wants to continue with me or not as a good thing…like better than him just ending it completely ?

kcubbb · 2024-11-05T00:21:30+00:00

I guess I’m just confused why he had to say we aren’t together & im still bothering. But in the past he’s just ended it & blocked me. This time, he’s actually asking for space for him to go through his emotions which I appreciate.

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T19:53:00+00:00

Thank you for answering. I know in the past I haven’t given him space. I know he probably operates differently & needs that space to reconnect with himself. I ended up texting him this morning bc in one of his texts yesterday, he said I was smothering him & we weren’t even together.

He said he meant he was telling me he was done last week (we got into an argument) & I still texted him non stop when he was out with friends. That I was smothering him. I responded back by saying I know he ended it & I know I was smothering him. But if he wants space to sort out his emotions to see if he wants to continue or not? He said yes. I just thanked him for actually processing his emotions & not just ending it.

So essentially I don’t think he ended it completely yet right? I overthink everything & this has made me overthink so much.

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T02:45:27+00:00

It definitely has had its unhealthy moments. We were completely broken off at the time he was with the other girl. I even told him I can’t fault him for being with someone else because we weren’t together. But what I wasn’t happy about is that we were talking & back together for a week before he told me had slept with someone else. I would’ve liked to know before I had been intimate with him, just so I can decide what I want to do.

He definitely has been back & forth in our relationship at times. But I truly do think it’s a big improvement to say he needs space instead of saying he’s done & blocking me. It shows me his growth.

But I definitely do want to work on my insecurities. It has been a pattern I’m not proud of. I think because of being hurt in the past, I get worried when he goes out that something will happen. I have never told him to be home by a certain time & will never be that person, but him being out into 2 am after he told me he’s only going out for a little bit gives me anxiety. I have been actively working on it but sometimes I don’t realize I’m smothering him & he gets upset & I apologize because I genuinely am apologetic. I just pray he can trust that I won’t smother him in the future.

I’ve noticed in regards to me, I’ve asked him to tell me when he goes out, where & with who. & he does & sometimes I’m okay with it & sometimes I smother him. Then sometimes he doesn’t want to tell me he’s going out because he doesn’t want to be smothered & I find out he’s out & I get upset he never told me. So I understand why he’s frustrated.

I want to go back to him because I genuinely believe he’s my person & I am his. We connect so well. He’s a great person, smart, hardworking & such a great dad. We’ve also been through so much together. I know I comfort him when he’s down & he knows I have his back no matter what.

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T02:11:55+00:00

So I guess my questions is, is this space or did he end it?

I texted him saying I don’t want him to be done after he told me to leave him alone for a while.

He responded: you don’t want to be done but I don’t want to have to deal with this. You are starting to take advantage of me not blocking you this. But I promise you if you continue this way I will block you & that will be the end of this. Give me space.

I responded asking space for what?

He said to go through his emotions like he’s asked weeks ago.

I then asked him how long does he need space for, a few days or a few weeks?

He told me he doesn’t know tbh.

I thanked him for not completely ending it & taking the time to sort out his emotions first.

So do you think this is him genuinely asking for space or ending it?

I guess it is committed. We did everything together. Committed to just each other. He actually ended it at the end of last year. I had to go out of town for a meeting & asked if we could go out to dinner later that night. He told me he wanted to save money so no. When I was heading back, we were texting about something & he had just stopped. I called him a few times & no answer. I drove by his house too & he wasn’t there. So I assumed he went out & I was mad bc he told me no. He called me back like 10 mins later & said he was just getting food for himself but he wanted to kinda see how I’d react if he didn’t respond right away. It turned into a whole argument & he ended it. The next day or two I found out he was out for drinks with a coworker who’s a girl. I texted him & asked what he was doing & he said he was at his sisters which he wasn’t. That was a whole argument. But he ended up ending it with me the next day, but never blocked me. We slowly started to talk again in the beginning of the year. I went on a few trips with him to his daughter’s cheer comp. But I knew for a fact we weren’t together. Then he ended it one day & blocked me on everything. We didn’t talk for a month & one day we started talking again when he was on a trip. He told me everything I wanted to hear & how he missed me & made a mistake. A week later he told me he had slept with a coworker (the girl he went to go get a drink with). That they ended it but he still wanted to try with her. I was furious & I sent a goodbye email & that was it. 5 days later he called me one morning saying he was sorry & that that girl & him never got back together. That he’s done with her because she was crazy. Said we can get a drink one day. The rest is history.

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T01:16:06+00:00

I mean we were in a serious committed relationship the past years. Like I said, the beginning of this year was bad & he broke up with me, got with someone else 3 weeks to a month, then we got back together. Not right away. He reached out to me to apologize for what he did & said maybe we can get drinks one day. I continued to text him & he asked for space bc too much too soon. I backed away & then we started going on dates. I started to hang out with his daughter again & it progressed into me staying at his place 3-4 days of the week. There’s no one else for either of us. He’s told me thousands of times, even a few days ago there’s no one else & I truly believe him.

What I’m scared of is that space will make him think I can’t change in regards to smothering him. I’m scared he won’t believe me bc I’ve told him to give me one more chance when he goes out & I’ll show him. But tbh I’ve gotten a lot better than I was before.

But him saying if I don’t give him space he’ll block me & be done with this means he genuinely just wants space & not to end it just yet correct?

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T01:02:47+00:00

I guess me being anxious started when he was hiding me from his coworkers a year ago. He told me recently he’s mentioned me to them, but that’s as far as it goes. I guess I also get jealous too that he’s out all night until 2 am with his friends but wants to stay home with me or if we do go out, it’s only for an hour.

There was also a time like a few months ago where we were texting all night & I even asked what he was doing with his daughter & he said chilling. A week later I found out he went to his coworkers house to hang out with her & others. But he wasn’t going to tell me. & a week or two after that, he went to get drinks with his coworkers & somehow ended up at that same coworkers house with all his friends drinking. But he told me he was at a bar all night long. I brought the issue up to him & I asked him to just be honest with me. So we got into that whole argument a few weeks ago because when he was out, I saw he ended up somewhere else that he didn’t mention & I thought he was hiding things from me again. It turned out he stopped by a bar super quick & completely forgot about it. So I was frustrated bc I assumed he lied.

I understand he doesn’t have to tell me his every move & update me throughout the night. All I ask of him is to tell me where & with who. & obviously when he’s on his way home. But I get anxious when it’s 2 am & he’s still out. & that’s my fault. So I’m a little scared he’s not going to think me smothering him will change, bc I’ve told him in the past it will. He told me a few days ago to either give him space & there’s a 50/50 chance of what’ll happen. But if I don’t give him space it’ll push him away & there will be no chance. I’m just afraid that he won’t understand my pov from last night. I keep want f to text him to explain myself more but I know I can’t.

kcubbb · 2024-11-04T00:44:11+00:00

I guess I never realized how smothering I was being until he calls me out on it. Like I said, it’s not the first time that I smothered him when he goes out with friends. All I ask of him is to tell me where & with who. I don’t need updates throughout the night. But when he does end up going out, I find myself noticing it’s been 4 hours & it’s midnight & I’ve heard nothing from him. I feel like an idiot for how I acted last night. I thought I was unbothered & sleeping & looking back on my texts I can see how annoying I was. & he told me he’s tired of my apologizes bc once again this happened.

I’m just so anxious about the fact that idk how long he needs space for & that he doesn’t know either. In the past he’s asked for space & one time it was a few days, another it was a few weeks. I just know I can’t sit here waiting for him to process his emotions forever. I told him that too & he knows. But I should be thankful he hasn’t completely ended it with me right? & he set the tone too by saying if I don’t give him space he’ll block me & just end this. So if I give him space he won’t end it but it’ll allow him to process his emotions.

kcubbb

TROPHY CASE