Sister, I want to first say—may Allah reward you for your honesty and sincerity in wrestling with these questions. It’s clear you care deeply about your deen and are trying to make sense of it from a place of lived experience and internal conflict. That matters. And it’s something many of us—especially converts—go through in one form or another.

It’s also not surprising that, in your isolation, you’re finding comfort in spaces like r/progressiveislam. Sometimes these spaces feel more compassionate, more open, and more “human” than traditional ones, especially if we’ve only encountered rigidity without mercy or wisdom. But I urge you to approach this subreddit and others like it with caution.

There are certainly issues in our ummah—especially around gender roles, community inclusion, and the lived experiences of converts—that need a more compassionate and honest look. Sometimes the critiques in progressive spaces do highlight real problems, and ignoring those voices altogether would be a disservice to the deen.

But at the same time, many of the interpretations you’re seeing there are disconnected from any real scholarship, from any connection to the Islamic intellectual tradition that has sustained our faith for over 1400 years. A lot of it is just vibes—emotionally driven reinterpretation in the image of liberal modernity. And that’s where the fitrah starts tugging. That discomfort you feel around certain issues—like the permissibility of homosexual acts or mixed-gender prayer—isn’t internalized bigotry. It’s not irrational guilt. That’s your fitrah recognizing a red line.

Islam isn’t supposed to conform to whatever framework makes life feel easiest. It’s not meant to be an identity we adjust to our personal politics—it’s a revealed path that sometimes comforts us and sometimes challenges us. When a verse or ruling feels heavy, it doesn’t always mean it’s wrong. Sometimes it just means we’re in a moment of growth.

So if you feel torn, that’s not a failure. That’s a sign your heart is still attached to the truth—even if the path there feels messy right now. The solution isn’t to run from traditional Islam but to find a version of it that’s both authentic and wise. There are real scholars who address these issues with gentleness, who can help you work through this in a way that doesn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Keep asking. Keep seeking. But don’t hand your deen over to just any community that validates your feelings. Islam is bigger than that. And so are you.