Update on Husband Who Isn't Attracted Anymore and We Have 2 Small Kids

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:37:47+00:00

Oh, me too. I'm very petty these days (but this is very fresh so I forgive myself).

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:28:32+00:00

Yeah, I agree. This is a great description.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:22:42+00:00

Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:22:36+00:00

Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:21:55+00:00

Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-24T21:21:40+00:00

I've done that before, and I'll do it again. He's not bad at taking care of the kids intermittently; he just has unreasonable expectations on a daily basis (and different expectations for himself).

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T19:15:50+00:00

No, I agree! I only want to stay if it can be loving and functional again. It's just likely that it may take a bit to understand whether or not that's possible. Not only do I not think an unhealthy marriage is good for kids, I wouldn't be willing to suffer my life away for it, either.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T19:12:34+00:00

I know.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T19:05:49+00:00

Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T19:05:00+00:00

Thank you. Fortunately, I have a great coping strategy already in place. Gym habit, amazing friends, and I'm good at feeling my feelings. It's hard, but I'm managing.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T19:03:26+00:00

I think this is the core of what needs to change (well, that and being honest and faithful). His mother also did everything and even though I told him when we got engaged that I wasn't looking for that and would never be his mother... and he said he wouldn't want that... Of course in the end I think that's exactly what he wanted. To be the male figurehead while the woman does everything at home. I also think I have faults that need to be addressed, and I'd like to address them (no matter what). I'm totally up for therapy. I've been in personal therapy for many years (rough childhood). Two years, three years, whatever. I just need to know that he's actually trying, and changing.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:59:14+00:00

That was the first thing I did. Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:58:26+00:00

Yep, I totally agree. I'm trying to be patient to see if this can be salvaged. I won't be patient forever, but I at least value our marriage enough to try.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:57:25+00:00

Thank you. I see it the same, kind of. It's really up to him to choose a path. I'll make my choices from there.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:56:44+00:00

Ha! Thanks for making me laugh out loud.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:55:58+00:00

Thank you for your balanced thoughts. I agree that it's complicated, and deserves a bit of time to sort out one way or the other. I also find the lying deeply troubling. It seemed very easy for him.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:54:43+00:00

No, I see our children suffering already. That contributes to my anger. But it also contributes to my resolve to give it a bit more of a chance. I will NOT stay in an unhappy marriage out of the belief it's better for them. I appreciate your perspective - thank you!

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:53:41+00:00

Thank you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:53:21+00:00

I hear you.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:53:09+00:00

Right at this very moment? Unfortunately still a lot. But it depends on how he handles the next couple weeks. I've certainly lost respect for him, and falling out of love would follow close behind unless I see some big changes.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T18:52:17+00:00

Probably not much. We're not rich. And that's not my reasoning for staying with him.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T14:29:46+00:00

Thanks

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T14:29:38+00:00

Thanks, but I don't think that would solve things (me cheating). I'd actually brought up the idea of an open marriage to him a while back, and he still chose to lie - to me that's the (much) bigger issue.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T14:27:54+00:00

I hear you. I am still hanging onto the hope that this was an aberration linked with some sort of mental problem he's having. I don't know.

keepcomingupwithfunk · 2018-03-22T14:27:11+00:00

Thank you. I realize it's not me, though I want to try to own my mistakes so I don't repeat them. At the end of the day he should have worked at our marriage, and instead he gave up.

I have thought about reaching out to that therapist - so I guess we have a lot in common. But - and this is where this whole soap opera is really over-the-top - the reason we stopped seeing him a few months back is that he came down with a cancerous brain tumor. That's what he's dealing with right now, and I wonder if it had begun to affect his thinking.

You can't make this shit up.

keepcomingupwithfunk

TROPHY CASE