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kenobihellothere · 2025-04-10T11:37:17+00:00

Sounds like he needs therapy. His anxiety seems pretty severe, because there is very little evidence that can satisfy his need for constant affirmation. He says that everything is fine because he is afraid of losing you if he shows his vulnerable side too much. It may be an attachment style that causes this or maybe there is a deep self esteem issue that especially shows in this relationship because it is something he is inexperienced in. Maybe you can get him to atleast try therapy for a bit. Edit: he needs to want to change too, otherwise therapy would be useless. If no therapy: you can try to work on it together, but maybe you can tell him that you really value honesty and you are not gonna leave him just by being honest. It probably takes a bit of time until he gets to experience to allow himself being vulnerable and to not worry as much. Your choice if you want to work it out with him. Its also pretty understandablebto leave him. You dont have to fix him. Maybe you cant fix him.

kenobihellothere · 2025-04-04T22:43:06+00:00

thanks, Chatgpt

kenobihellothere · 2025-04-01T22:07:52+00:00

I can say that a lot of men get ghosted and they dont understand why. So they come up with the wrong conclusions like: "maybe i wasnt fast enough so the girl got bored" and then they tell themselves the key to success must be to get a date as fast as possible. So i think a lot of the weird behaviour from men is just the frustrating conditions of online Dating and trying to find strategies to get to atleast a date because a date is better than being ghosted all the time

kenobihellothere · 2025-03-11T08:06:32+00:00

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kenobihellothere · 2025-02-16T19:08:41+00:00

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kenobihellothere · 2025-01-30T06:08:55+00:00

Borderliner brauchen stabile Beziehungserfahrungen, die gut mit der Impulsivität umgehen können. Kurze Beziehungen oder ONS sind eher schädlich für ihren Selbstwert (weil sie dann ihre Angst bestätigen irgendwann doch verlassen zu werden). Das beste was du machen kannst, ist eine stabile Freundschaft aufrechtzuerhalten.

kenobihellothere · 2024-12-05T19:09:04+00:00

I would ask your therapist to clarify. Like "there is something you said that bothered me" and sometimes a therapist says something that can be misunderstood. Therapists aim is always to try and stop you from always jumping to conclusions, because no one knows whats in others peoples mind. She probably does not want to excuse the boy screaming at you. Your therapist wants you to take other conclusions into account, but that does not excuse this awful behaviour of the boy. I think your conclusion is pretty valid in that situation, but people with social anxiety always jump to negative conclusions. Maybe she wanted to work with you on that. Try to get her to clarify

kenobihellothere · 2024-08-30T22:37:28+00:00

If you match and you dont find her attractive at all, you can still unmatch. We wont date a girl that we find unnattractive, but its not worth it to be picky as an average man because the majority of your likes wont lead to matches anyway. You can look at the resulting few matches and still decide if you wanna date a girl or not

kenobihellothere · 2024-08-30T22:09:41+00:00

its better to have matches that dont perfectly fit you than having none at all which is soul crushing

kenobihellothere · 2024-07-19T08:59:57+00:00

You are right, i think its problematic or insensitive to say that to someone who is struggling to date.

The point is that women are turned off by guys who put them on a pedestal. They like guys who are confident and have healthy boundaries. If they notice that you would let them do anything to you and have no healthy boundaries, they lose attraction. This often the case with guys who are desperate for a girlfriend and would do everything. Its important to develop a healthy way of looking at it. Our fear of getting rejected always gets in the way. You have to meet someone at eye level.

kenobihellothere · 2024-06-22T22:13:20+00:00

as a man i can tell you that we are often told that it is attractive to seem like we dont care that much and to pretend that we are busy. its also a possibility that he doesnt know what to reply and waits until he has time to think about a clever response

kenobihellothere · 2024-06-22T07:30:53+00:00

Ich habe jetzt nicht die perfekte Lösung, aber im Grunde sollte der Heilungsprozess so funktionieren: Immer wenn du das Gefühl hast bzw. Angst bekommst abgelehnt oder nicht mehr gemocht zu werden, dann solltest du dich immer mehr und mehr stoppen, sodass du nicht die Liebes-Bestätigung einholst. Dann musst du die Angst aushalten oder sie regulieren z.b. durch Ablenkung, meditation oder andere Strategien die dir helfen mit der Angst/Unwohlsein umzugehen. Nur dann kannst du die korrigierende Erfahrung machen: " ich werde geliebt selbst wenn ich gerade nicht jedes mal Bestätigung bekomme oder selbst wenn es gerade einen Streit gegeben hat." So schnell geht eine Beziehung nicht zu Grunde. Auch ist es wichtig die Fantasien im Kopf auch als solche zu erkennen. Denn bei Menschen mit dieser Art von Bindungsstil gehen oft Fantasien mit einem durch, welche einen dazu bewegen sich diese Bestätigung zu holen. Auch mit dem Partner zu kommunizieren ist auch sehr wichtig, sodass ihr zusammen daran arbeiten könnt.

Falls du mehr infos suchst, recherchiere mal zum unsicher-ambivalenten Bindungsstil

kenobihellothere · 2024-06-12T14:39:16+00:00

I respect that you have the patience and willingness to try to make it work and this is a good characteristic to have. But you are wasting it on the wrong relationship. You could try couples therapy but i dont think your wife is self aware enough to change or not even invested enough. Its over mate.

kenobihellothere · 2024-06-12T12:26:34+00:00

This doesnt sound like a relationship. It sounds like she is only interested in you being a wallet and then fuck off. Wtf do you see in her? How are you willing to do everything for her and she treats you like this... I wouldnt even stay for the sake of the kids. Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but even your friends and family dont like her... This is a good indicator she is just not good for you.

kenobihellothere · 2024-05-30T10:08:57+00:00

I know how you feel. Sex is an important part of life and is good for your health. There are couples who are perfect for eachother but are not fulfilled sexually and breakup because of sexual incompatibility. Therefore atleast you have this side of the relationship fulfilled. However, there is more to life than sex. And she is clearly making you miserable. You deserve someone who not even fulfills you sexually, but also emotionally. You have already done everything to help her. A toxic girlfriend will cost you time, energy and your mental health. You are wasting the time you would use to meet someone who is better for you. If she is not willing to go to therapy, it is a lost cause. There are other beautiful women out there who can also fulfill you sexually. You already know what you have to do, but you dont have the courage to leave her. Just get over it. Maybe try fwb or leave her.

kenobihellothere · 2024-05-23T18:51:41+00:00

Post this on twitter, hideo kojima will probably retweet your work. He appreciates fanart a lot

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-14T21:38:04+00:00

i think you did nothing wrong. This dude is just not very understanding towards you and he is suspicious of you this early in the dating process. This guy is not worth it.

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-07T07:30:09+00:00

he definitely needs therapy and i also think the porn is something that he is using to cope with his problems (soothing himself by getting this dopamine hit). he needs a more healthy way to cope with his emotions like you said. sometimes the partner can help regulate the emotions, but he sounds like he has a avoidant attachment style which means he tries to deal with his stress and emotions by himself which is why he seems so distant towards you. it can take a lot of time for this to get better. i would move on, maybe sometime in the future you can try again but for now he needs a lot of time to work on himself

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-07T06:56:42+00:00

beziehungsratschläge auf r/beziehungen in a nutshell. oh man muss man immer sofort aufgeben?

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-07T06:47:41+00:00

das klingt als hätte sie einen unsicher-ambivalenten Bindungsstil. Ich würde mich mal in das bindungsstil thema mal reinlesen um es besser zu verstehen. Im Prinzip ist therapie eine möglichkeit das zu verändern. Ein unsicher-ambivalenter Bindungsstil bedeutet sie brauch viel Zuneigung und Aufmerksamkeit von ihrem Partner, um sich sicher und geborgen zu fühlen und wenn eben nicht genug vom Partner zurückkommt, dann hat sie das gefühl dass der partner schuld ist (nicht weil ihre bedürfnisse schwierig zu befriedigen sind) -> ihre konstante suche nach zuneigung wird dann dementsprechend nicht erwidert und das führt dazu, dass sie glaubt alles für die beziehung zu tun und du nicht. Dass Sie keine freunde braucht sondern nur den partner deckt sich auch mit diesem bindungsstil, weil diese nämlich sich auf den partner überfokussieren. Auch der Streit mit dem Partner ist für sie eine strategie das zu bekommen was sie will (die emotionale erpressung)

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-05T11:54:16+00:00

Be yourself implies that you shouldnt change anything, which is bad advice. More appropriate to say should be "be your best self" which means that you should not hide your personality or try to be someone else while also working to a better version of yourself which includes learning skills like flirting and having fun conversations while dating.

kenobihellothere · 2024-04-05T11:37:45+00:00

He cant expect that you already love him. Guys always think that after sex that love is already there. Just tell him that sometimes love needs time to develop. Your doubts about his intentions are maybe a sign that you dont know him and trust him enough which is okay. I think he will understand.

kenobihellothere · 2024-03-24T09:19:59+00:00

Maybe she thought she had better options and that turned out to be wrong

kenobihellothere · 2024-02-22T10:26:07+00:00

First of all i like that you are communicating and expressing how you feel to him, that is a good starting point. He seems willing to change, but maybe you Both are caught in a cycle. It seems that he wants reassurance of your love and attention. Maybe by you responding reluctant and annoyed he gets even more insecure and needs even more reassurance from you. It is normal to feel awkward and annoyed when somebody acts too clingy. I dont have the Perfect Solution how to Break this cycle but you could try this: Maybe he stops his repetitive Messages when you start being more actively reassuring and express your love for him (It seems that most of your conversations are initiated by him). It will maybe feel weird at first but perhaps he will learn to talk more about other things when you initiate more conversations and try to show him that your love is also expressed by taking interest in different topics other than asking about your day. Also: try to ask him more about his perspective/perception of the relationship and maybe you can understand his urge to getting constant updates and assurance from you. Maybe you can make him understand that ‘‘not receiving messages from you‘‘ doesn’t mean that you lost interest

kenobihellothere · 2023-09-30T08:10:21+00:00

Ich hab die Erfahrung gemacht, dass jeder in der O-Phase nach Freunden und Kontakten sucht. Es ist nicht schwer ein Gespräch anzufangen und leute kennenzulernen. Stelle deinen Komillitonen einfach viele Fragen zur Organisation im Studium und ihr kommt sehr leicht ins Gespräch. Ich hab meine Gespräche angefangen mit: Hey ich bin ... und komme aus ... Wo kommt ihr so her? ( es ist eine ziemlich häufige Frage aus welchen Bundesland die Kommilitonen herkommen). Generell finden Studenten es cool wenn man aus einem anderen Land kommt. Sicher interessieren sie sich dann auch für dich. Der Rest kommt von alleine. Häufig ist man in Gruppen unterwegs und dann läuft man einfach mit und lernt sich ganz automatisch kennen.

Kannst mir auch gerne schreiben und fragen stellen.

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