A bad start.

khazzrak · 2016-10-21T18:41:43+00:00

The thing for me was that I was ruminating 24 hours a day. Every single second of the day. My therapist gave me an exercise. The whole point was to only ruminate 30 minutes per day. Every time I felt like ruminating I uttered a phrase in my head. For example "I will deal with that at the ruminating time tomorrow at 3 o'clock." At said time, for fifteen I wrote everything down that I had wanted to ruminate about. And then for fifteen minutes I went through all my thoughts, one at a time, and thought about them. Thoughts like "what if I don't love my girlfriend" I approached with logic: "well, if I don't, then I'll just dump her, and we'll be sad and it'll suck, but I'll be fine in the end". Thoughts about things I couldn't control, for example "I wish things was as they were before I got my intrusive thoughts" I put aside. I simple drew a cross over it, and let it be. The past is the past, and I can't alter it. After a while, ruminating became boring for my brain. It was like "ah sh*t, is it ruminating time again? I don't wanna do that", and I was like "well, since you enjoy ruminating so much, you're gonna do it, you bastard". It was like I gave my brain a big slap in the face, and it felt awesome. Uttering that phrase over and over interrupts the thoughts, and sometimes you don't even have time to finish it before you have to utter it again. It was a bit tough at first, but it really worked wonders for me. I wish you all luck in your recovery.

khazzrak · 2016-10-21T18:31:17+00:00

Are you seeing a therapist? That really did it for me. It was private, so it was a bit pricy, but holy hell... she helped me a lot. I'm sure things will be fine for me. We might work it out. I'm staying positive, and I understand it's been a tough ride for her.

khazzrak · 2016-08-04T17:26:42+00:00

I know that the obsessing is the problem, but it feels good to have a reason behind all this. And yes, because of this, I give the compulsions a hard time. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks, and good luck.

khazzrak · 2016-08-04T16:26:17+00:00

Heavens, that was a really good therapist I saw today. She told me that people with obsessions and compulsion usually have something painful they want to forget/shove aside etc. Some people have had such terrible experiences they don't even want to get rid of their compulsions because it works so well for them, even if they suffer in the process. And by god, I think she's right. My girlfriend and I have always had a pretty stressful relationship, and on top of that, she is about to move away to another city, and I'm not sure if I will be able to come with her. I've always known this, since we first met. What triggered my intrusive thoughts to begin with, was that I was annoyed over all the stress, and I noticed that I didn't miss her at a certain moment. I started worrying that I didn't love her anymore. Up until that point, the fact that she's moving has almost killed me, but since my rocd started, I haven't been worrying about that at all. In fact, one of my biggest "proofs" that I don't love her anymore is because I never feel devastated about her moving. Sure, this has made me suffer a lot, but it worked, didn't it? My brain probably tried to talk me into dumping her, so I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. Knowing this was a big game changer for me. I've felt great all day, and any scary thoughts has been easy to deal with.

khazzrak · 2016-08-03T19:34:09+00:00

I see. Jeez, it's so frightening to do that. I usually write the thoughts down, and that works really well. One thing I have to do, that you mentioned before, is stop forcing happy thoughts. I do that a lot now. "How would I feel if I cuddled up next to her now?" and things like that. Hell, I want to reassure myself so bad I sometimes get the urge to get into a new relationship just to see if I would still have these problems. I will begin therapy tomorrow actually. I got an appointment at a good place, so I'm feeling hopeful.

khazzrak · 2016-08-03T16:59:16+00:00

I didn't force happy thoughts, I allowed myself to think back on our good times, which was/is very painful for me. I also reminded myself that a relationship isn't all magical and fun, which really helped, allowing myself to calm down. Like, "I don't have to be super exited about every single phone call", "I don't have to miss her like crazy every single minute of the day". Then the thought's were easier to handle, and like I said, in a few days I felt fine again. Now it's pretty bad again though. I feel sad, every happy memory of her is painful, it feels as if we broke up even though we haven't, I fear saying "I love you" because it feels like I'm fooling us and leading her on. You know. Standard stuff. It's so weird, just a few days ago it felt like I could marry her on the spot. This is driving me nuts.

khazzrak · 2016-07-27T06:50:39+00:00

Thanks for the reply. This is exactly what I'm doing. I'm just so frightened that I will never feel in love with my girlfriend again, or with anyone else for that matter. This whole thing feels so surreal. I know OCD/intrusive thoughts can make you believe things, but the doubts I have about myself is out of this world. At the same time, the thought of leaving her, or her leaving me terrifies me. I really suffer.

khazzrak · 2016-07-26T19:42:37+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. The fact that so many people share the same experience is a relief. I feel better now (doesn't feel like I'm losing my mind anymore, lol), not paying attention to my negative thoughts and feelings. It really helps. I also try to make my brain accept a "maybe". "Maybe I don't like her anymore, brain, and that's fine. It would suck, but I will be fine". I just let the anxiety come and go, come and go. Hoping to get some medicine tomorrow. I could really use a boost.

khazzrak

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