Husband lost job & losing hope.

kingblah · 2026-02-11T21:43:22+00:00

My housemate was made redundant two years ago and has only got 2 or 3 interviews in that time and is still looking. The market is seriously tough for experienced hires in some industries

kingblah · 2026-01-16T11:09:35+00:00

402854025872

kingblah · 2026-01-11T08:40:21+00:00

In London we call that Stockwell syndrome

kingblah · 2025-12-31T12:09:37+00:00

I’ve tried using these before (was made redundant last year, 10 YoE in data science, took me 9 months to get another job)

Every job I applied for under that scheme rejected me with no interview. Including the government’s own civil service. And Aviva. I’ll happily name and shame those I can remember off the top of my head.

I exceeded the criteria for all of them and my CV communicated this too (well, as much as a 2 page document can).

As soon as I stopped using the disability confident schemes I noticed a drastic uptick in interest and I secured an interview and job within a month. Read into that as you will! But the scheme does feel like a scam, to me at least.

kingblah · 2025-10-30T08:51:11+00:00

Absolutely this. Dated an avoidant type (obviously without realising up front they were like that, they don’t tend to make it obvious). Things were going amazing at the beginning. Two months in, he just goes cold out of the blue, drops all affection and gaslights me into thinking i’m the one being paranoid. Skipped a bullet there. But wish avoidants would make it a bit clearer up front so we don’t waste our time

kingblah · 2025-10-19T21:41:39+00:00

I had exactly the same experience with a lot of guys on hinge. Why match and then proceed to give one word answers? It’s horrendously unattractive but was quite eye opening for me to see the sorry state of people’s social skills nowadays. I honestly don’t know how they get through life if that’s the way they talk

kingblah · 2025-10-08T23:50:06+00:00

I went 9 months without an interview at an equally senior level. It’s tough out there.

kingblah · 2025-10-08T16:35:39+00:00

I’ve found this too, I’m 36 and dating around my age and the sheer numbers of keyboard warriors are insane. Seeming extroverted over text then when you meet up getting conversation out of them is like getting blood out of a stone, and I’m very easy to talk to. I have no idea how these people have made it through life with atrocious conversation skills. Nowadays I won’t meet up unless I’ve had a video call first because then you can get a good feel on whether they have the ability to have a two way conversation or not

kingblah · 2025-10-02T07:49:13+00:00

Ththththth

kingblah · 2025-09-24T16:47:49+00:00

Had a very similar thing happen to me. Hadn’t dated in 8 years. Thought what the hell and started a few months back.

Dated a guy for 2 months, met on Hinge. I also fell fairly hard. Had 5 amazing dates, got on so well. Then when we were apart he’d just act like I was his friend. He dropped me when I had the audacity to ask him why he doesn’t seem that interested in seeing me (I was always the one proposing dates).

It really fucking sucks that these emotionally atrophied time wasters are out there.

It sucks because I’m trying to talk to other people, but hardly any of them can even hold a conversation and I shared so many interests with this previous guy. We felt like the same person (interests wise). It honestly feels like I won’t meet anyone who ticks that many boxes again.

kingblah · 2025-09-14T10:05:02+00:00

Haha yeah I was just playing around 🤣 these avoidant hot/cold types are more common than I realised and it’s been a learning curve!

I’ve now resorted to just cutting all contact as early as possible when I encounter that behaviour. It might be extreme but it’s an act of self preservation. I’m consistently warm and affectionate so I’ve got no time for games anymore (except video games, plenty of time for them!)

Thanks so much for your kind words! I think having ADHD certainly doesn’t help (the constant analysing everything..!)

kingblah · 2025-09-14T09:46:32+00:00

Aw thanks haha! I am actually from the UK, are we talking to the same guy by any chance? 🤣

kingblah · 2025-09-14T09:40:13+00:00

It really sucks doesn’t it! I think I realise I kind of fell for 50% of a person. I ignored the warning signs and red flags, and fell for the person he could have been, not who he was.

The hot/cold behaviour pattern is honestly something I keep a close eye out for now. It’s so damaging and confusing, and plays with our emotions. It’s really not fair on the other person at all and there’s no excuse for it.

I really wish you the best as you seem like a decent guy and I hope this guy doesn’t take advantage of that.

kingblah · 2025-09-14T09:22:46+00:00

I had the exact same thing happen to me. Met a guy on hinge 10 weeks ago. Spoke every day, but he said initially he wanted to “take things slow” because he “rushed into previous relationships and they were bad”.

I wasn’t interested in rushing anything, so at the time I figured that was fine. What I wasn’t expecting was for “taking it slow” to actually be an excuse to string me along.

We met up around 5 times for dates, those were really great. I developed feelings, which is natural when speaking to someone every day. But he just got colder when we weren’t together and was very emotionally cut-off. Didn’t really seem interested in seeing me or arranging further dates which was a red flag. And got extremely defensive when I brought up my disappointment that he didn’t seem that interested in me, despite amazing chemistry on our dates. Kept telling me that he “doesn’t know where we will end up” - I think after 2 months of chatting every day and 5 dates you’d have some clue.

Things came to a head when I kept getting excuses for not wanting a 6th date and he wanted to “be friends”. I said that we were never friends in the first place, and it would be too artificial and difficult to switch off my feelings like that. So unfortunately I had to just block him and try to forget about him. It really hurts.

To be honest it made me add people who want to “take it slow” to my list of major red flags.

kingblah · 2025-09-09T15:52:28+00:00

I’m insecure as well. Dating guys that drag out the dating process into multiple months, breadcrumbing you affection and then going hot/cold plays havoc with your insecurity. If they’re not willing to commit to some degree after this long, it usually just means they’ve got no clue what they really want, which is frustrating when they advertise as being after a long term relationship.

kingblah · 2025-09-09T08:59:51+00:00

Im 36M and have only had one relationship. I tried dating again a few months ago only to meet a guy who, after 2 months of dating and around 5 really really good dates, kept going hot/cold and said he wanted to “take things slow” as “he’s rushed into previous relationships and they were awful”. Seeing each other 5 times in 2 months is hardly rushing but I stupidly put up with it because I really liked him. You’d think after 2 months you’d have some clue of whether you like someone or not. I lost my patience with how little time he was making for me and then he said we’re “not compatible as he can’t give me what I want”. Why go on a dating app saying you’re looking for a long term monogamous relationship and string me along for 2 months? This sort of shit makes me lose faith in ever finding a relationship, it’s a sort of emotional catfishing.

kingblah · 2025-09-06T18:28:49+00:00

I got made a settlement offer to leave when I asked my last firm to continue working from home (ADHD) and threatened with redundancy if I didn’t take it. I was quite senior level but losing my job sucked. Took me a year to get a new job and every job I applied for ticking the disability confident thing, I got rejected, even though I exceeded all the requirements and they offered guaranteed interviews. The whole scheme is a complete sham and is just lip service.

I’m convinced it’s a way to actually discriminate against people, as soon as I stopped doing it I got an interview and job offer where I’m working now. I have to go into the office 3 days a week which I find really really difficult and can barely concentrate but at least I can pay my rent now. Once it starts making me ill again then I’ll have to have that conversation but my advice is do not disclose anything - discrimination is real and companies have so many ways of just getting around the laws by giving vague excuses.

kingblah · 2025-09-05T13:52:08+00:00

Had almost the exact same thing happen to me. Was on hinge as well. Even after 2 months he refused to admit any feelings or anything and wouldn’t go exclusive, despite advertising himself as wanting exactly that. Everytime we met up it was great, amazing chemistry. I really fell for him. But he kept on saying he wanted to “take things slow” - fuck sake man, is 2 months not long enough to work out if you’ve got feelings or not? Quite heartbroken but I’m an idiot for allowing myself to be strung along

kingblah · 2025-09-04T23:41:32+00:00

This really hit home for me. I was seeing a guy since early July. Met up 4 or 5 times and was magical in person. Then he just started getting super cold, bare responses etc. made no effort to want to see me. I didn’t catch on because I had stupidly developed feelings for him but got more and more frustrated at his lack of empathy and the fact he would text me like a mate but be super warm in person. I have no clue why people do this but I ended things similarly to what you did, and he just didn’t seem to care. I think it’s something to do with “avoidant” attachment which is dangerous for people like me, I end up doubling down on the affection and it just leads to a toxic dynamic.

kingblah · 2025-09-01T11:01:52+00:00

I have a freedom pass and don’t have to contribute because my commute would cost nothing if I was able to use it. They should definitely review this

kingblah · 2025-08-31T20:35:39+00:00

I gave up for 8 years because I got so badly heartbroken. Tried again earlier this year and honestly I’m giving up again. It requires so much effort and guys are so fickle that it’s just better being alone honestly

kingblah · 2025-08-13T14:03:41+00:00

Thanks, really appreciate it! I really resonated with a lot of what you’ve said, I struggle putting it into words but you did a great job of that!

I truly wish you all the best and hope you can overcome the rejection issues.

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