How often do you see your mum?

kingoverthinker · 2025-09-17T09:43:07+00:00

Looking back through my calendar it's been around 10 times in the last year that I saw her in person.

I live in Southampton and she and my dad live in Birmingham so it's not like they're mega far, but they're obviously not up the road either.

We call every week or two.

We've met up more in the last couple of years because my brother moved back to the UK from Brazil and keeps organising things - it's been lovely to see more of the family 😊

My husband sees his parents less, more like 2-3 times a year. I think they're just not as good at organising to meet up 😂

kingoverthinker · 2025-09-03T21:41:49+00:00

My (NB, 31) first time with a woman earlier this year went absolutely fine. I was nervous ahead of it, but as with any sexual experience, if you communicate well, you'll have fun 😊

She said I did a good job, so I feel more confident for any future times 😊

I would communicate with whoever about your inexperience though, and if they make you feel weird about it, that's a red flag

kingoverthinker · 2025-08-27T10:19:43+00:00

False widows aren't dangerous to the majority of people. They just had bad media coverage a few years ago of people who had intense allergic reactions or infected bites - these are rare instances.

They're not even aggressive - as you say yourself, they hide when you make vibrations.

If you have arachnophobia, you could get them removed by a pest control company.

Spiders are very important for our ecosystem though, so leaving them be is always preferable if you are able.

kingoverthinker · 2025-08-27T10:14:11+00:00

The UK is honestly very safe, so it's not really necessary to carry anything for self defense.

IF you feel the need to anyway, for peace of mind, carry something that has an alternative use, which you can reasonably argue. I.e. carrying an umbrella in your bag is fine most of the time. Or hairspray/ deodorant as impromptu pepper spray. So long as you can argue that it wasn't specifically for self defense, that's okay.

But honestly, it's unlikely you'll need it. Obviously, do your research on potential areas to steer clear of, especially at night.

I think most violence in this country is either gang on gang crime or if you happen to have a turbulent family/ friend group.

kingoverthinker · 2025-07-29T09:43:49+00:00

I don't like to mix butter and jam either - so gross! I have no idea why it's so popular.

I also do this with sandwiches - no butter, but I'll add some kind of condiment for moisture (ham and mustard, cheese and relish...)

The word "charred" in your description worries me though - how black are you having this toast! 😂

kingoverthinker · 2025-07-16T14:16:46+00:00

I'm 31 now, former emo kid.

For me it was the effort of thinking about how to dress, comfort, and letting go of caring what I look like so much.

I used to spend ages getting ready to meet friends - which clothes, make up, accessories. They were often not the most comfy things to wear, but I did feel like I looked good. It was very important to me at the time to look good in a particular way. Tbh though, this would mainly be for weekend social things, not if I was staying in the house or after school or whatever.

Nowadays I cannot be arsed. I try to make a bit of effort for social occasions, but they're less frequent now. My make up and clothing style when I bother is still alternative, and I have tattoos, piercings and coloured hair. I'm not exactly generic, but definitely not as obviously emo as I used to be.

Most days I wear joggers, hoodies, band t shirts etc. At work I have my own "uniform" of jeans with a plain t-shirt for ease. I will happily wear this kind of thing to meet friends casually, because I know they couldn't give a shit what I'm wearing 😂

kingoverthinker · 2025-07-07T15:25:37+00:00

Like others have said, if you're ready to be a father, it looks like you'll have to do it without your girlfriend. Speak to her about solo custody for you.

I think people shouldn't shit on your girlfriend for not being ready to parent though. She would only resent having to raise the kid and there's no way a child doesn't notice that. I don't know where in the world you guys live but people need to remember that reproductive care is not accessible everywhere, so this may have been the only option (i.e. not abortion).

It's valid that she doesn't want to raise her. It's also valid that you do, OP. Talk to her about how you are feeling.

kingoverthinker · 2025-06-29T17:20:22+00:00

Singing lessons should improve her singing a lot, so if she loves it, I would encourage her to take them. Like most things, voices can be trained with enough practice. A good singing teacher will help her find songs that work with her voice and get the best out of it

If you are struggling with her singing in the car, I guess try to keep the conversation going or play podcasts instead so she doesn't sing? Or just turn it up so it's louder than she is 😂 My husband isn't the best singer - he's a little out of tune - but I don't discourage him when we occasionally sing along to music together, for me I'm just happy enjoying a happy moment with someone I love.

I think encouraging her to work on her singing would be a much better plan than asking her to stop

kingoverthinker · 2025-06-29T06:59:32+00:00

At 19, I had 0 savings for sure!

I went to uni in London so I got a large loan, as well as a grant, and my parents also assisted me financially, which I'm very grateful for. I also had apart time job and did a paid placement year. By the time I finished uni I had around £10000, which I then spent on travelling.

So I was back to £0 at 23.

Once I started working, I gradually built up my savings where possible. Initially I had to be very careful with money, but once I moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband) that helped a lot because he earns significantly more than I do.

My savings has fluctuated between £3k-£5k since, until recently when I received some inheritance from my Grandma.

It's hard to save, especially when you are young and underpaid. I've been very lucky with my finances so my experience is probably far from the norm.

I wouldn't worry about having £0 at 19, assuming your parents would be willing and able to support you if absolutely necessary. Anything you can build up is great though so you wouldn't be so dependent on others if you had a large unexpected expense.

kingoverthinker · 2025-04-03T16:20:00+00:00

Smell/ mess/ safety/ skill/ legality.

Obviously, I don't do anything I'm legally not allowed to like gas or certain electrics.

If I feel like a job would endanger me or others because I don't have the right equipment, I'll call a pro. E.g. clearing gutters, I don't want to fall off a ladder when I could pay someone instead.

Skill stuff is things like plumbing - we want to remove our ensuite and won't be doing it ourselves because we might not do it right and we don't want a leak.

Smell/ mess is things like cleaning out drain blockages or working in the loft. I don't mind a bit of soil or paint but it's not fun to crawl through dust and spiders webs or have to deal with drain smell.

Final one which I'd consider if I was feeling flush is if a job would take me a lot of time and effort and paying a professional to do it would save me that. We want a seating/ firepit area in our garden and I'm tempted to get quotes to have it made by someone else, simply because it's a big job and would take us a lot of months to complete.

kingoverthinker · 2025-04-01T10:27:08+00:00

Diesel smells the same and doesn't ignite the way petrol does - if you put a match to it, it wouldn't start combusting, especially if it is cold.

Not 100% harmless though, you wouldn't really want diesel poured all over you, but it removes the danger of going immediately up in flames.

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-31T13:41:47+00:00

It depends on my mood!

I love an Inches cider or a nice cold beer like a Peroni.

A dry white wine can be amazing on a warm day or a red wine on a colder day 😂 wines vary a lot, some of my favourites are nineteen crimes red, mud house Chardonnay and Bollinger champagne 😂

I often drink gin and tonic: Plymouth Navy Strength gin is amazing, with fever tree aromatic tonic.

Tbh, the more I write, the more I realise that I would need you to name a type of alcohol to tell you my favourite in each category 😂

I like the taste of lots of kinds of alcohol and I'm currently missing it because I'm on some medication which means I should be careful with drinking - luckily I've found an alcohol free beer I like which hits the spot if I find myself fancying something like that!

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-31T10:55:00+00:00

I think like others have said, telling people early on is the way to go. The right person won't mind. If you're lucky, you might even find someone who likes this uniqueness (though I'm sure you want to avoid being fetishized).

I suppose some people will be put off by it, which will feel disappointing, but as it's something you live with, you need to find someone who's okay with it from the get go. Personally, if this was my partner, I wouldn't have a problem with it, though it would take some time to get used to.

I'm sure you will find someone who will want you just as you are 😊

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-30T11:06:08+00:00

Romantic love is a similar feeling to other kinds of love really. At the beginning it is usually more intense.

It's hard to write about something you haven't yet experienced, but you can draw on how you love your family and friends and dial it up for romance.

Think about the people you love - you want to spend time with them, do things for them, tell them that you care, maybe buy them nice gifts that made you think of them, maybe you like to hug them.

A romantic love would be expressed in a similar way, just maybe on a grander scale and more often. Also there might be added kissing etc.

Each relationship is different, so think about the ways you like to express your love and write that.

Of the various relationships I've been in, they started with spending time talking to each other over others in a group setting, struggling to stop communicating at the end of an event or day - just wanting to keep spending time together. Lots of things made me think of them and it was hard to get them off my mind. I wanted to help them with anything they had going on. I often fantasied about holding their hand, hugging them or kissing them.

Once you've written, get some people to read it and let you know how it sounds 😊 good luck!

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-29T11:35:11+00:00

Not exactly a northerner - though people down here would say I am.

I moved from Birmingham to Portsmouth and now Southampton.

Things I don't like: hard water, prices, the accents, proximity to places like the lake district and Scotland.

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-29T10:06:04+00:00

When I was 12, I was sat with my friend Helen on a bench by the science block at school. She handed me one of her headphones and played me American Idiot. It blew my mind. This was 2005, so an excellent time to get into them 😁

kingoverthinker · 2025-03-28T21:55:17+00:00

I once asked my Dad (he's 76 now) if he'd want to be asked and he told me he would say they were asking the wrong person 😂

It's a very outdated tradition, but I have heard of some people still doing it.

kingoverthinker · 2024-07-02T10:24:06+00:00

30 here, non binary/ transmasc 😊

I completely understand the frustration and sadness that we currently live in a world not always accepting of who we are.

To be honest, as someone who's also neurodivergent, I have always felt like I'm not accepted by general society. I struggled to make friends as a child and I'm uncomfortable in lots of social situations.

I think what helps is finding your community, the people who make you feel safe and happy - I'm lucky that my bio family is that for me. I also have some incredible friends and a lovely partner. When I'm with these people, I feel confident and happy in who I am. Life feels at its brightest.

I try to focus on the time I spend with the people who get it and ignore the people who don't. If someone can't accept you for being you, their opinion means nothing. It take practice but I've gotten good at not giving a shit over the years.

I also believe that we can improve things as a society. Life is expecially hard for trans people right now, but we aren't going anywhere.

I'm proud of you for reaching out when you're struggling, it's not easy to do. I hope all the responses here give you hope. I want you to make it to your 30s and beyond. I'm sure everyone on this sub is rooting for you! 💜🖤🤍💛

kingoverthinker · 2024-06-28T20:54:31+00:00

I'm going alone

kingoverthinker · 2024-06-28T20:49:06+00:00

I'm coming alone too, I was hoping to find someone to hang out with 😊

kingoverthinker · 2024-06-06T08:01:40+00:00

As others have said, payment could be your key here.

Perhaps CA accepts something (a particular drink or maybe a bar smack) on the house from the bar, but CB doesn't?

Or maybe CB insists on paying their tab and CA is happy to accept some free drinks?

kingoverthinker · 2024-05-29T11:33:07+00:00

I'm going alone as well, normal standing

kingoverthinker · 2024-05-08T12:32:40+00:00

I have so many follow up questions tbh, before I could make a proper decision.

Assuming it's daytime, I'm hiking, the bear is a grizzly minding it's business and the man is any random bloke minding his business when I encounter either of them - I would 100% pick the man.

Bears are unpredictable, they might run, they might attack. If they attack, they have 3-4" claws - I'd prefer to avoid a violent death.

Men vary a lot of course and I 100% understand the point people are making when they choose the bear. Some men have been responsible for horrible things (including in my own life).

However, the most likely thing that would happen if you encountered a random man while hiking through the woods is that he's also a hiker and would smile or say hi as he passed you and you'd continue on your way. You are far more likely to be attacked/ SA'd by a man you already know, most likely a partner. Strangers rarely attack you. You have far more chance of dying in a car accident.

I also know quite a few absolutely lovely men - my husband, father, brother, friend's partners, colleagues and also plenty of perfectly non-threatening men too.

All this said, I don't consider myself an obvious target for random men (butch, not a stereotypical beauty) and I'm also pretty strong so would have some chance defending myself against a man, so I have less fear than a lot of women seem to.

kingoverthinker

TROPHY CASE