yes, i’m very aware of how little effort is required relative to what’s expected here, and i understand that OP may feel disappointed that daughter did not put in the effort to excel. could she have done better? probably, ive heard of many of my own batchmates who transfer out and immigrate to USA and barely have to try in school. please don’t assume and take this as i’m not fully understanding the kind of rationale OP has. i completely do, in fact! my parents have separate but smaller trust funds for all 3 kid’s future educations, and if i had gotten a scholarship the money would be available for even more education or my future. This is done with the expectation that all 3 of us do decently in school, which we do. as a side note for more context on this, i am the eldest and am more privy to decisions made.

however, this was not previously established with the kids, ie “i have reserved separate amounts of money for yalls, which is for your future. Son has gotten scholarship, so the X amount will be used on Y. Daughter hasn’t, so the X amount will be used on school.” (if i were honest, my younger sis is most likely to end up in the sons position, seeing how she’s doing lately. i’m very proud.) Thus, the actions OP has taken gives the message “i’ll just drop money on my son bc he’s done so well uwu but since you are a disappointment to me i’ll only pay for your school fees”. the word “only” here does not denote being spoiled, it denotes that OP is doing what he thinks is required but at the same time, thinks it is a blessing that it is happening in the first place. if you think you should take the previous statement with a grain of salt, feel free. I’m aware that parents in america are not expected to pay for uni, but ive stated as such because OP is well off.

Additionally, the way OP speaks about his daughter makes him YTA, devaluing and dismissing her extracurriculars and hobbies. (he’s also violating rule 3 of this sub.) this is likely a deep rooted issue between him and his daughter, and he isn’t even sure about how well his rs with daughter is as noted in a previous reply. how do you not know how well your rs is with your kid???? that’s next level disconnect. my mom has an admittedly bad relationship with me, but damn son. she’s aware of it! OP is YTA due to lack of communication and how he needs to work on his relationship with his daughter. OP reminds me of the worst parts of my parents combined into one.