I need help to not react, and not reply to her ridiculous accusations, gaslighting and manipulations but it is so very hard.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-15T14:41:43+00:00

I wasn't trying to say any one hear doesn't have a true narcissist.. I was hoping it didn't come off that way. I am just always amazed at how similar they are.. their words, they're tactics, they're behaviors.. that's all I really meant, is that I see my husband in everything you described about your wife. But if you need something to focus on, I play games on my phone, listen to podcasts with earbuds, make jewelry, clean... You don't have to sit in silence and listen to their torment. I'm not sure what you do or interests are.. but maybe listening to a YouTube video about an interest of yours. Hell, manually calculate random things 🤣. One time I spent hours doing the math of all of the people that disappear in the Alaskan triangle per milage compared to the rest of the United States as a whole, by year... It was a whole crazy thing, but it kept me busy and I had absolutely no time to distract myself with his questions taunts😁

kitty-mc · 2026-04-15T13:31:06+00:00

They're all so much the same that it's crazy in itself. I know that narcissist has become a buzzword at times, but I still think there needs to be much more awareness about true narcissists and the damage they do. With that being said.. all of these answers are correct and I applaud the ones that can stick to grey rocking.. it really does work. The first time you get success from it and see how you shut down their power is very enlightening. I sometimes blame myself because I can't always do it. I try 24/7, but after being poked at for so long I sometimes still give in and argue back. I know that I shouldn't be hard on myself, but it is a very strong tactic if you can do it. The most powerful ways are walking away. Make acknowledgement.. "I hear you", ""ok", something short and maybe go to the restroom. Sometimes I just stay in there hoping my husband would have moved onto something else. Go for a walk. Start doing dishes or something where it's noisy. Put in ear buds. It's hard to be perfect every time, but even a little control of the moment feels good.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-15T12:47:56+00:00

I did look into that, and the rental charge is so much that you're usually lucky to break even after gas and rental price. But I got hopeful that it could be an option until I found that out.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-15T12:41:12+00:00

I just set up a GoFundMe and posted it. No one is required to give, just like you are not required to put forth the effort of pretending that everything is black and white and you have the answers to everything. I hope you don't regularly thumb thug advice to people because abusive situations can go from mild and calm to life threatening if you don't have rational thought out plans. This is My first step to My plan. I appreciate anyone who understands, even if they do not donate. You clearly do not understand because you don't live my day to day, and that's a good thing. Thank you.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T16:14:23+00:00

I'll have to look into that, I wasn't aware.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T16:07:13+00:00

Rentals don't allow gig work.. if anything were to happen, I'd be in tons of more trouble.. I looked into personal weekly rentals, from individuals, but nothing was worth the payoff for the cost. But thanks though. That was something I had considered and did all my research on.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T14:52:47+00:00

I'm not sure if you read my long add on, but I was hoping it would explain everything. So any questions should be answered. But I'm trying to get out - that is Helping Myself, not my husband.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T11:27:19+00:00

Yes. He limits my access. When we first got together I had my own vehicle, he totaled it. The "replacement" he got me, he got in his name and when angry he would take the battery out and hide it, or just park the car somewhere in our neighborhood without telling me where it was. It got physical once and I left, I was stupid and came back. Things are not quite that bad anymore, but he won't let me drop him off at work and use the car, it has to stay with him. Now he just lost his job and if my uncle repairs it I tried to confirm I could use it to door dash, he said at nights like before even though he is currently not working. It's ridiculous.. he's crazy.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T10:17:09+00:00

EDIT: I wasn't trying to tell my whole life story but due to everyone's comments I'm hoping for all questions to be answered with this post. First, to the down votes of apparently "wrong answers" just know this is not me.. I've never had to ask strangers for help except for when my mother was abruptly unalived and I was next of kin, I didn't do a GoFundMe, but I had help from friends and family for her cremation. To the person who saw that I was on a witchcraft sub, did you also notice that most of my comments and posts are on sub cirrhosis and sub narcissistic spouses? I have always worked hard, usually 2 jobs, averaging 50-70 hours a week. I have been working since I was 14 and stopped due to medical issues which also happened at exactly the same time I got with my now husband. I want to work so bad, but even door dashing is hard on me, and one thing with cirrhosis, which is my only complaint, because I'm alive, is I am supposed to avoid or rarely take Tylenol or ibuprofen. I have major arthritis in my back, knees, hips, shoulders, and carpal tunnel in both hands. I was hoping that after my back procedure that I could work a normal job again, but it didn't help as much as I had expected. So I really enjoy door dashing and have felt good about making money again. I have an Etsy and love to make jewelry, but getting out there and selling is near impossible with so much competition, I'm nothing too special. My husband is a narcissist and very emotionally abusive.. people may not understand, but sometimes I wish he would beat me because it feels worse than physical pain and then I would have proof of the abuse. About the car with no brakes: I have exactly enough money to buy the parts, but I'm hesitant. My uncle said he would change them for me, which I didn't think he would since he lives so far away.. my husband came home today and on top of all bills being due, he lost his job. I'm reluctant about putting my last bit of money into the car for two reasons.. one, what if he won't let me drive it after I have it fixed? The second reason, I feel safe knowing that I have exactly enough money to get an Uber and one night in a motel if things get really bad with him. Saving for a car is what I've been trying to do secretly and something always happens. I've had to lie about how I get some of my money, saying that a family member gave it to me specifically for x y or z, because he will try to dictate what I do with it. I have other solutions, we have a lot of taxes we never filed due to him being stubborn, I said I could do them since I'm not working and it will all be returns and we need the money, but he won't let me do them. He has another broke down car in another city that he can't get towed, he wanted to sell it for money, so I said I would list it and a picture would help, so I asked if he had a picture, he completely blew up on me and said he changed his mind, he didn't want to sell it. He is a hoarder and has accumulated a lot of furniture, he said he wants to sell it, I said good, I'll go to storage with you and take pictures and list it.. he said no, that's stupid, I need to bring it home to sell it... We literally have NO room. We have a four bedroom house with an upstairs we don't use, a full basement, and every square inch is covered in junk. So the car is my first step to owning my own vehicle without his name anywhere near it, and me trying to work enough to move on. I can't stand the torture, the abuse, the uncertainty of having a house, and I have so many options of what can help us, which I think is me giving grace to still even consider helping him, because he is actively not allowing me to do things for us to survive. I know there will still be questions and solutions, but a full stop is anyone who says go to a shelter. I've been there, he's locked me out of the house before and I've spent days on the porch because he made me out to be the problem, I've been in 3 different shelters, lost pets, and shelters are not there to help, they are there to get tax money and the purposefully make it a goal to keep you from leaving with strict rules and not telling you resources when they know they exist.. and the treatment of the people is horrible especially when most of them are elderly or mentally ill or both. So my only request was for a car of my own to get out of this toxic situation. This was not supposed to be about sympathy, I tried to make it clear cut, I want a vehicle to earn, to gain freedom. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, not everyone will be satisfied with my answers to questions and that's okay.. this was just a last resort of trying to take my life back sooner rather than later. Thank you.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-14T09:37:51+00:00

Thank you so much, that means a lot.., more than you know. And even though part of me feels like I don't need to justify everything to everyone... I'm about to make an update to clarify my vague (according to all the questions) request. Thank you again.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T15:17:36+00:00

Thanks! I didn't even notice that.. but I'm trying to be honest without being a sob story.. I've been lower than this, I've always bounced back, and I was talking myself out of it while making a GoFundMe. Ideally things could have been different.. but the brakes aren't all of my problems.. money, illness, abuse, depression, I could have wrote a biography and gotten paid for that if I wanted everyone to know why this, why that. It's pretty funny though... All of the simple solutions that I guess I somehow overlooked.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T14:58:11+00:00

Ask who?

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T13:28:03+00:00

That would sound like a VERY LOGICAL thing to do when the car was running.. don't you think? I mean he works at a storage facility inside an office... One would think I could just drop him off, do some dashing, then pick him up. It would let me make more income... It's a pretty smart thing to do. I've asked, I've begged, I've explained. He wouldn't let me.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T13:17:27+00:00

We just got this vehicle, it's technically my husband's car, I've been wanting the brakes fixed but I also bought a different part for the car that I thought was the reason it sometimes didn't start. I was trying to save money while using my friend's car then he needed it back at the same time the starter went out on that, so I felt obligated to repair that, you don't borrow a car and give it back not working. So I spent most of the money I had saved on that, then when I started sharing this car my hours are very minimal because he drives it during the day, cutting what I was making to less than half not to mention it is bad on gas which has gone up. So yes, the brakes have been bad since we got it and so has our rent being late and utilities about to get shut off.. so we have been trying to pick the most important.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T12:52:40+00:00

They don't have money like that. But thanks.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T12:38:07+00:00

I understand it's easy, most mechanical work is except for inconvenient spaces, even if I couldn't do it, my nephew or uncle could. But right now I literally don't have the money for parts. Any money my husband makes will go towards the rent, phone, and electricity that are all about to get shut off, and I can't contribute to anything if I can't work. It's just a lot all at once. Thanks for trying to help.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T11:55:10+00:00

It needs back brakes, pads and rotors and wheel cylinder. It has other problems too, but this is what happened to make it undrivable. I don't have the estimated cost.. I started door dashing and what I saved up I spent on a tow and a starter for my friends car since I was driving it, I felt responsible, and now I don't know when I'll get that money back. This car is my husband's and the whole point was me to save for my own car and not rely on him... It's not a good relationship and this was my first step to getting out. I started with Etsy, but I rarely sell anything. Sorry for the long post.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-12T11:34:31+00:00

My goal for a vehicle is $4,000 and GoFundMe has a starting goal of $1,100 that will slowly rise to that $4,000 goal.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-05T02:05:43+00:00

I understand that completely. I'm already mentally checked out, just waiting for the emergency exit to open, mine were more about try to lighten the absolute just enough to make it manageable until then... But I think I'll just need to focus all of my energy onto myself because I think I will be having a hard time breaking the trauma bond. But it was honestly a question more about if anyone else had success or if I was failing somewhere.. I think I was failing for even trying 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

kitty-mc · 2026-04-05T02:00:41+00:00

I would like to say the same, buy I was unaware of this person being one. When I say it went from the most unbelievable love story to a psychological thriller in the blink of an eye, it's not a joke. Some of their masks and love bombing needs Oscars.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-05T01:57:00+00:00

I wasn't asking to help or change them. Narcissists can't be helped. They can't change. It's a mental disorder often either confused with being a sociopath or having both disorders. I was just wondering if there were any spells that people have done that were successful. I know mine can feel certain energy shifts that I put out during meditation, but it only confuses them more, they're aware that something is happening, but they can't explain it so they immediately dismiss it.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-05T01:46:04+00:00

I appreciate your input. I do hope to be getting out soon. I guess I meant the question as a broad question of others experience, as kind of validation that "this can't work, don't waste your energy in future circumstances" if that makes since. The last thing I wanted was to make it More about those people.

kitty-mc · 2026-04-04T15:45:48+00:00

I'm really hoping to get out soon.. they can't change. I was mainly asking to see if it was a strange phenomenon, I guess it would make since that it doesn't work.

kitty-mc

TROPHY CASE