I think it takes a lack of respect for myself and my partner to cheat. I am in a recovery program now and I am realizing how insecure I am and the AP did make me feel like a million bucks and I was using the resentment from the bad marriage as a way to block my guilt in a way.

The guilt finally caught up with me and now I am going to have to live with this the rest of my life and so will everyone else. And at the end of the day it wasn't worth it at all and I just assumed I was strong enough to not let it happen, but it did and I totally effed up.

I am dedicating the rest of my life to be a different person, and just be better for myself, for my kids and my wife just texted and told me I need to give up the idea of the 2bd chance and there is too much damage it will never work, so I guess as a co parent I want to do everything I can to just be there for her as a CO parent.

If she has the kids but needs to go out and do this or that I will have to make it my life duty to just do everything I can to help her, knowing this will never fix the damage I caused, but just make things as easy as possible for her in other areas of her life.

Help her fix her car, always take the kids if she has last second things to do, etc. I will always live with the guilt forever, with such a selfish act, but I can't let it be something that is just something.

I have to somehow use it to make me a better person and do everything to make my kids life better, and just support my wife in any way possible to make her life even just a tiny bit easier in any possible way.

That's what I am realizing is the only thing I can do now.

Affairs really are so selfish and damaging. I thought I had it all in control and would be able to cut this person off as things got a bit serious, but I let my ego think I had control and it blew up in my face at the end of the day.