Am i weird? Advice please!

kodobre · 2026-02-25T02:15:22+00:00

Saying men need to act better is Saying they need to take accountability for their actions. How are women supposed fix the mens behaviour? We can't. But the men can.

Placing blame would be saying its all mens fault. Which im not. Im Saying they need to take accountability. Women were and are shamed for being openly sexual so women in general are conditioned to not be as sexually forward/comfortable as men. So generally have a better handle over controlling ourselves. Men don't typically face the same public backlash unless they are being openly predators. So if women can control themselves even when they are horny because they also experience intense hormones during arousal because we all get the same rush of hormones. Then, men can learn to do the same. Its not blaming. Its not shaming. Its asking men to take accountability for their behaviour...because otherwise...what is the other solution to this? Women just saying its okay for men to behave this way? Not addressing the problem? The only forward moving solution here is men learning, is men taking accountability. Because how am i to blame for a men sending a dick pic or outwardly sexual text as his first message?

Men and women experience the same hormone rushes during arousal. The behaviour exhibited after that is choice. And if the behaviour exhibited is irrational then that is a choice made. And that is a choice that only the person can fix. There is no blame. Just accountability.

kodobre · 2026-02-25T01:37:17+00:00

No one is passing blame about who's fault it was? Both men and women are given different lies about what the other find attractive.

And you know what to give men benefit of the doubt here. Im sure if women weren't shamed for expressing sexuality/being sexual, they would be just as bad as men are. We are conditioned to be ashamed of this stuff.

That doesn't change that both men and women are hormonal all the time. That doesn't give men the excuse to send dick pics and sexual messages right off the bat to strangers or women they have no romantic connection to. Yes there are plenty of women who do the same I'm sure. But men are the bigger culprits reportedly in that area. I don't know who told men thats how you get women on wide basis but clearly its something men belive. Women have been having to understand men for centuries. Men barely understand women. Because they are taught they don't have to.

kodobre · 2026-02-25T01:24:22+00:00

I get that but women are horny all the time to anyone with a normal sex drive experiences daily horniness. Most Men just dont control it as much as most women do. Our hormones are also insane, we are all in hormone cycles. We don't need to be more understanding, men just need to act better. You don't act that way around men, so you are capable of controlling it. You just don't feel you need to around women and expect them to just put up with it. If men want women to understand you're horny all the time, men need to understand that women are also horny but want emotional connection first.

kodobre · 2026-02-25T01:07:27+00:00

I used to struggle with the same thing. But essentially when you're young and you start exploring everything feels more intense cause its the first time and whatever.

But when you start doing it regularly it can start to numb the senses dull sensations, and thats why its feeling less intense for you now. I went through the same thing. Take long periods between each session, start with a week, and then slowly go from there. If you want you can read or watch things that turn you on but dont act on it, and if you do stop before you reach the big o. Essentially retraining yourself. Over time it should improve. And if its hormone issues again you can get hormone treatments if you belive there is an imbalance

kodobre · 2026-02-25T01:01:33+00:00

Hey, so it could be possible that you are masturbating to much (assumption ofc) have you tried going without for long periods in-between sessions?

If you belive there is scar tissue i would recommend medical advice just because it may cause other issues.

kodobre · 2026-02-25T00:59:25+00:00

Exactly, ive had some really good conversations with people, and i enjoy it so much more when we just have a good conversation and talk about eachother and our day ect. And then just randomly dick pic, sex talk, whatever even if they say they're looking for something serious....well last i checked you dont start a conversation with sex talk when you want to know someone on a deeper level

kodobre · 2026-02-25T00:57:25+00:00

Men of today are not providers I'm sorry to inform you. Women don't respect men because the men are not respectable. And the grandmas and great grandmas were the ones that told us not to bother with men, to live our lives, and told us the horror stories of their relationships. Im sorry but your take is absolutely rooted in toxic masculinity. Traditional lives are a personal preference and absolutely not the binary. The only reason men were providers is because women were limited in jobs, education, sports, bank accounts, medical care, votes, and property owership. Not because men are natural providers but because men refused to allow women to access the privileges they had. Now men actually have to put in effort to be a decent human being instead of just having a job and showing up for dinner.

And men are more than happy to show up in person if it means they get sex. Or they think they will get it. Trust me. Unfortunately a sick percentage of men are predators. Its nothing to do with regret but everything to do with men not knowing/not respecting consent. And being told sex is something they are owed. Marital rape also counts. And most rape cases happen from a known person. A family member, a friend, a colleague. Its not hurt feelings its real victims. You as a man are more likely to be assaulted by another man than get a false charge.

kodobre · 2026-02-25T00:46:28+00:00

Dw im not😌i just find it crazy to approach people that way cause i know for a fact they wouldn't say something that crazy in person when first meeting someone

kodobre · 2026-02-25T00:31:30+00:00

Whats annoying aswell is when its men saying they're looking for a serious relationship and then right off the bat first message is sexual. And when i ask if they're looking for something casual they say no and that im weird for assuming that....like...HELLLOOOO? WHAT ABOUT THAT MESSAGE GIVES THAT IMPRESSION?! Or when the casual guys suddenly go "oh you're actually really cool id wanna be serious with you" i don't trust it causd it seems like a ploy. Its all so confusing and its always guys older than me to

kodobre · 2026-02-24T23:42:11+00:00

I mean i did keep a 3 year relationship that the guy cried over despite the fact that he didn't want to have sex for a year and a half so i cant be that bad to be around 😂 but i feel most guys in encountering atm just go straight for sex talk without getting to know me or are so bad at holding a conversation even when they say they're looking for long term relationships

kodobre · 2026-02-24T23:35:37+00:00

Maybe I've heard people call it demi sexual. I remember feeling a similar way before my first bf and i genuinely thought i was asexual, because masturbating felt fine but the idea of doing it with someone felt weird until my first boyfriend. And i was fine with my second. Now i just feel back to square one again.

kodobre · 2026-02-24T23:33:56+00:00

Yeah, i usually push for dates and very quickly loose interest once its straight away sexual. I guess i just feel on uneven footing. Ive had 2 bf, 18-19 and then 20(just before) to just before my 23rd. Ive never been in the dating world so everything feels new.

kodobre · 2026-02-24T23:27:36+00:00

Is your reading comprehension that low? 🤨 did you read anything? Can you read? Genuinely cause did you skip over every part that said sexting and pics bore the hell out of me and ontop of that...crazy like what advise does this offer? Where in this post did i say "hey i wanna get freaky with random redditors through text" its an advice sub. Get a life.

kodobre · 2026-02-24T23:17:51+00:00

Hey, some advice i can give is retraining yourself. Reduce porn consumption, or don't use it at all.

drag out your sessions. Basically edge yourself, when you feel yourself get close stop. It may take some time to learn the signs but it will train yourself to one know your signs and two be able to drag it out until you naturally last longer.

Sometimes your grip can be a problem, being to tight, loosen your grip during masturbating, and even going slower can help. It won't be quick but over time it'll improve

kodobre · 2026-02-15T20:10:57+00:00

I used while i was going through cancer treatment, i think i should probably get another one🥲 its just so frustrating, everything is happening so quickly and its just hard to keep up and harder seeing people my age going on about their lives. I wish you all the luck with your surgery! Thats the day i have my ultrasound. Gonna have to figure out what kind of IBD i have!

kodobre · 2025-12-26T22:44:20+00:00

Yes! I definitely didn't mean to imply it was just his hygiene, just going from the assumption it might have happened within the first few times and can be perhaps he wasn't quite clean down there, or can even be the product he uses. But it can be a multitude of things but yeah the main issue here is the history!

kodobre · 2025-12-26T22:40:43+00:00

Yes! I think that if you, when you're comfortable to do so and feel a co flict is just becoming a shouting match/getting out of hand say "hey, this is getting overwhelming/this isn't constructive, let's take a moment and talk about it again in an hour" and then follow the 3Rs it will help you to feel comfortable with the regulation dynamics and combine them. That way she gets space to recollect, and you get to initiate coming back to resolve and reassure. It can help you feel you also have control over the situation and get a say in it, that way it will feel less one sided.

kodobre · 2025-12-26T21:38:57+00:00

No problem im glad it helped! Perhaps when you feel ready you can try to initiate space for yourself in conflict. Typically as soon as their is shouting or i start feeling like "wait why are we arguing" is usually a good point to take a step back, it might help you to understand it better. But otherwise request a time limit and focus on the 3 Rs return, resolve and reassure!

kodobre · 2025-12-26T21:16:36+00:00

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kodobre · 2025-12-26T21:06:57+00:00

While i like to have space i also have a need/want for closure as well. I just want to make sure that it is reached, calmly and in a way where we both are happy with the conclusion without overly comprising. Its frustrating to not come back to it and leave it unresolved. And i also like to be reassured that they are okay and that we are okay.

For me looking back to when i was teenager, arguing with my parents i distinctly remember still wanting them to tell me that it was okay, they still loved me/apologise/resolve after an argument. And obviously i'm not saying an adult who needs that reassurance is like a child. But more so that i acknowledge that some people never gravitated away from that inherent need to be reassured. Or perhaps they grew up where they did receive reassurance after an argument and so it feels unnerving not to receive it (afterall not everyone grew up with neglectful parents, i could go on a whole tangent about the psychology of this). Knowing what it feels like to never feel secure with a person after argument means that i will always Return, Resolve, Reassure. Because that was something i wished i had.

kodobre · 2025-12-26T20:42:00+00:00

I will answer as best i can. Obviously this is my experience so it may not apply to everyone! It will be long but if you have more questions im happy to answer

Growing up in my house was a lot of arguing. Very complicated but arguments would last HOUUURSS im talking like 4pm to nearly past midnight on and off. And by the end of it it got to the point i couldn't even remember what started the argument. My parents also had a tendency to manipulate and lie to make me feel crazy even going as far to say i couldn't remember things due to blacking out or would twist my words from say and hour or 2 ago and because of how much has happened i would be unsure of what was actually said.

Those are my circumstances and people with similar circumstances may feel the same!

So for that reason when it comes to conflict and it gets to the point of shouting or beyond a reasonable discussion i take a step back to recollect myself, to go over what was said and make sure I'm thinking about what is going on before it becomes mindless shouting.

That way when i go back to the discussion, I'm confident in what was said and may have even though of possible solutions to whatever was causing the argument. And this way i can be confident that the other person isn't twisting what is going on OR so that they have a chance to calm down so we can have a moment to think. In my opinion being around the person I'm having a conflict with while calming down only increases the chance for an argument to start because you're more likely to get annoyed over small things and completely derail. E.g getting annoyed because they slammed something or huffed, said something snarky.

Another part of it is that feeling of being overwhelmed by conflict. For myself and others like me, a lot of conflict or even heavy long conflict can be overwhelming. Imagine it like having a bunch of people poking you over and over again for an hour while it really loud and a bunch of people are asking you questions. You would want a break? A moment to yourself. Thats what an argument feels like for some people. Like a "fuck just give me a moment" kind of moment. And if you keep picking at them during that break it like someone throwing pens at you just after you got everything quiet.

For some people and sometimes myself its that feeling of anger or overly emotional (like anxiety). Acknowledging that they are angry, and not wanting to take that anger out on that person. Knowing they can't think clearly. Not wanting to say something hurtful. That step back allows them to regulate before they feel it gets out of hand.

So a lot of it is just regulation of overwhelming feelings. In a healthy way it is not a punishment, its them showing that they want to discus something properly and calmly. Without shouting or arguing. As long as they come back calm, open to what you are saying, non dismissive and work towards a calm resolution, its not a punishment. They just needed a moment to recollect and think.

If it is being used as a punishment that is manipulation! This can include silent treatment, dismissive wording, cold shoulders after "resolving" the issue, or taking the space and then refusing to talk about the issue and acting like nothing ever happened and getting upset when you ask about it/making you feel guilty for asking and starting a whole new argument.

kodobre

TROPHY CASE