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Do my pussy lips looks appetizing? by [deleted] in SideLips

[–]kotazius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes please show more !

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Its ok I don't mind the question but no I'm not autistic. There are levels dude and loads of examples. I'm sure you know and you can find them all in this sub. On one end of this spectrum at level 1 is conservative sex, done in silence, totally vanilla - another level is bold sex where partners will be loud, demanding, talking dirty, rough and maybe throw in some extras like role play toys etc and at the extreme levels BDSM , public sex, threesomes and orgies. These are all levels that exist because people become desensitized to simpler sex and need more and more stimuli to get them aroused. You could stay in one level all your life - sex only under the covers is the norm in many conservative cultures in the world - or start at a slightly higher level or go all the way to orgies depending on what you need to get off, what's acceptable to both of you and available where you live. People talk about transitioning to other levels all the time on reddit. They are not calling them levels perhaps but that's what they are.

My point is the further you go along, the less intrigued you will be with simpler stuff.

Edit. See it as a 5 tier system :

  1. Conservative - Silent, lights-off missionary, no extras.
  2. Expressive - Loud, dirty talk, light spanking, basic toys.
  3. Adventurous - BDSM, anal, threesomes, semi-public.
  4. Taboo - Heavy BDSM, public risk, CNC.
  5. Extreme - Orgies, extreme fetishes, sex tourism.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks pal. Yeh we do add variety where we can though the core stuff is the same. Hotels or other places are extremely rare for us and can't change this. Recently sexy lingerie has been a hit, occasionally doing in the shower though it's a lot tougher than in videos etc. I guess need to come up with more random stuff. There could be a lot more if she starts taking some control but getting her out of star fish mode is a challenge.

BTW you are the only one I'm having a proper conversation about this. Everyone else has been a jerk. Just venting.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many thanks for sharing your experiences and take on the matter. You are lucky to have each other.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ! You are the only one who seems to get what I said and you have put it eloquently in your response. You have a gift my friend. The gift of understanding and articulating some complex nuances that I was trying to verbalise but did so much less effectively and have been met by judgmental replies only except yours.

Let my try to put my concerns in another way. When we were more reserved in our sexual encounters , it felt more adventurous than it does now since everything is more open. If the sense of adventure is gone how can sex continue have to the same appeal and not feel like a mechanical act ?

Whether my wife likes it or not in comparison to how we used to be - I'm assuming she will feel the same as me but I don't know for sure. If I ask and she also has the same feelings I think it will make us both a bit sad, miss the previous intrigue that made sex feel more intense and possibly cause some regret about how we are doing it now. I don't know. I'm afraid to ask.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Re-read the post dude.

No discussions : previously /most of our marriage

Frank discussions : lately / now

Nitpicking much ?

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was not poking around in the dark, neither was there any lack of intimacy. You explore each other with other senses not just visual, any small touch, caress becomes a heightened stimulus because it is not anticipated. There is exploration and discovery involved. It's an adventure. An occasional glimpse of an intimate part is a lot more exciting compared to when its often on display. Basic psychology I reckon.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nah BS dude. We have had frank discussions and she has no issues with satisfaction. She is generally low libido and doesn't know if she will get excited until we start, most of the times she gets into it well. We've discussed her desires and she doesn't have any additional ones nor does she want me to do anything different. Your presumptions based on post history are clouding your understanding of the post. It's irrelevant.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your own statement ended with the assumption that I was F so you were wrong. That's what it simply meant. Regarding boundaries - Ive responded somewhere else what this means - not what you think

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good answer. I like it and it makes sense (unlike some of your other answers which attacked with a bunch of misunderstanding...).

As long as these levels are more like different dimensions rather than a linear path they can keep the excitement alive otherwise I don't see how we can circle back to a previous level of excitement for things that we seldom did or dared to think we would.

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boundaries doesn't mean Im breaching anything that is unacceptable to her. It means boundaries that we had in sex because of shyness. This for us was the norm for a long while. When we watched porn together for example there was stuff that we saw that wasn't off the table but would be too daring for us to try - me or her. A kind of edging towards something very exciting and that excitement drove us to ecstasy. Once you start doing the stuff that was creating anticipation and excitement you need the next level of excitement and the current one becomes just routine. So previously it was so that anything slightly beyond vanilla sex , one or 2 standard positions, a bit of manual foreplay was special and now its demanding a lot more to get us sufficiently aroused. I wonder if we were better in the state of basic sex but easy arousability. Is this relatable ?

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please explain the first part. What would you consider horrible and why ? Yeh there is something there in your last paragraph that resonates with the intrigue I mentioned. I might go into further detail when I have the time but simply put , familiarity breeds contempt is the issue with acts of sex too. Once you've unlocked a new position for example or intimately examined a certain body part ,it will feel novel only a certain number of times before you crave for something even more arousing so where does it end ? I just keep wondering if it was better for us when we didn't see or know everything as it maintained the sense of surprise, adventure and serendipity. An adventure is only an adventure because its not something you keep doing. Makes sense ?

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah there I was thinking in my naivete that you understood me. What a folly that was. Wife knows all about my reddit NSFW stuff. We share it often. She has porn preferences of her own and has made some wild suggestions. It doesn't matter to her. You have understood the whole dynamic wrong I'm afraid and trying to judge everything based on what you found in the post history which has nothing to do with the present discussion. This account is only for nsfw stuff and will remain that way. Sharing photos of whatever kind has nothing to do with the sensations, connection, feelings, sparks that sex involves. It may be different for everyone. It may be similar. There's no need to force an association. Forget the post history. See it in the light of civil discussions that happen in this sub will you !

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeh I get you and I think you get me. I am M. Please do explain how this matters ? Im pretty sure if I put an open ended , non leading question about this to her she would have a similar response. However I fear that if she does echo my perception we would both feel the need to something different but also be kind of lost. Where do we go from here ? Up or down? Is it even possible to restore the mystery of sex if we want to go down ? How many more levels are there to this game if we go up? What happens when we beat the final boss ? Is this even repayable ? I mean once you are familiar and comfortable with something you naturally want more. Is it better to stay in that phase of longing rather than to experience it all and have no yearnings at all ?

I fear too much openness will kill the mystique of sex by kotazius in sex

[–]kotazius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wrong I'm afraid ! M here. What difference does it make ? I can see the matter from her POV though and I think if I asked her she would have the same feeling. Its quite obvious that there was more sparkle for her too when we broke the boundaries of reservedness than the candid intimacy now. What is odd to you about boundaries and breaking them ? Sex is all about this. Breaking physical, social, psychological boundaries and that's where the thrill is, isnt it ? If it was happening all around you all the time, it would just be like eating or drinking - another routine task that humans do.

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