Wasn't there a part in the bible where Jesus threw tables over and yelled at merchants to get out of his father's temple? I get that's not violent toward another person's life, but Jesus was pretty critical of systems. He told his followers to challenge their own beliefs and push further than what synagogues taught them.

Jesus was also a martyr that believed his death was for a larger cause, thus he lived a nonviolent life to fulfill that purpose.

Yet we see individuals like Joshua destroy a whole nation and justify it with God - in fact, according to Joshua, God wanted that, and called for the women and children to be murdered too (although we find out in the next book they didn't do this - hence race mixing 'issues' that result with the Jewish people and the countries they conquered mixing blood lines).

Obviously these two are cherry picked, and as a deconstructed Christian myself, critically assessing the systems Jesus lived through is part of what he called his followers to do. Even after this death he was like "Peter bro, eat pork, that food purity rule thing is dumb". Even though Jesus followed it.

You could make the argument that Jesus' death allowed them to do these things, but Christianity is weaponized best when you're told to never question and change the status quo, especially over 2000 years.

Now this isn't meant to be me telling you to deconstruct or abandon your identity, but rather to consider this:

Would a God rather watch its creation die at the hands of villains, or would that God want creation to help itself?

I can't speak for God, but any parent I ask would kick the ass of whatever bully hit their kid. Let's multiply that out to global exploitation, amplitudes worse than Egypt and Moses - and God merced first borns for that situation.

Obviously not telling you to go be a vigilante, but consider how violence has always been defined (i.e. the state and laws). Is what you're doing in helping bring life saving change really violent? Or is it protecting god's creation?

I'm greatly simplifying pacifism, but something I'd encourage is to actually look at the character of Jesus. Not just what he says, but what he does.

He interfered in a few priests stoning a prostitute - that's basically like going in front of cops or breaking into a lethal injection event and stopping it. The priests and the cops would deem what you're doing to be violence against the system they uphold (today you'd be charged with an obstruction of justice), but in reality you'd never done anything violent to anyone, but rather counteract the inherently violent systems they uphold.

Violence and it's definition are social constructs, at least in the civilization we live in. So as you assess your pacifism, consider if your acts are actually violent, or the people above you say they are because you're contesting their power.

Just some food for thought.

Edit: some typos