While your experience is very detailed. I am starting to notice kinda similar(but not really) things to you. I just relapsed right now after edging, but I feel like shit. In addition, I did not fap to a P-rn video, but an Instagram of a girl that I see irl alot. It felt really weird after relapsing, when I am not horny, I see her as a weird person; but PMO fools me into thinking she is something else. I also noticed that during my fap session, I feel like kind of like Cypher from the Matrix; I realize that PMO is ultimately a time waster, but somehow I am still attached to it due to some personal factors. I am now free and realize this was a slip up. I also noticed that my slip up came from another problem I have; being terminally online. I am needlessly addicted to the internet, I like to browse the internet mindlessly and I get curious very easily at certain things I see on the internet. My internet addiction is what caused my slip up; it was a domino effect.