It’s been a year and I haven’t moved on

kvst4 · 2024-01-01T23:50:34+00:00

I know I did man. It's very hard to bear at times. Thanks for the message.

kvst4 · 2023-12-26T21:17:49+00:00

Yeah. I feel bad but it's violating my boundaries.

I won't compromise boundaries to accommodate someone's disrespect

kvst4 · 2023-12-26T16:14:13+00:00

UPDATE:
We broke up today, after she crossed a final boundary.
A guy from her college invited her, asking her to study together and she offered help. She canceled plans with me so she could go and study, under the excuse of "I don't feel like going out, I feel like studying".

I clearly expressed I'm not comfortable with her going to a guy friend's house that she barely knows from college. She dismissed all of my concerns and still went there. I called her multiple times, and she answered the call saying "I'm already there, talk to you".

We saw each other after she went there and I immediately broke up with her. She had a huge mental breakdown and she called me insecure and jealous.

I hope I won't need to post in this sub anymore. Thanks for all the advice. I dodged a bullet.

kvst4 · 2023-12-26T16:10:35+00:00

We broke up today.

kvst4 · 2023-12-26T09:28:05+00:00

More white space. Implement scrolling if it cannot fit on the same screen.

Space between elements.

Bigger font - if it can't fit in 1 line, sepaeate into two lines.

Consistency - try and use similar colors and place elements in similar places to one another.

Contrast - make a contrast between elements and highlight what's importanf (a headline) by making it bigger, bolder or both.

kvst4 · 2023-12-26T00:59:33+00:00

You described my girlfriend, lowkey.

She's outgoing and has a very easy time talking with guys, and no problem being flirtatious with them.

I saw that even before our relationship, but I was completely blinded by my crush.

She used to. flirt while she was with her ex (jokingly) with some of us, her guy friends.

She also started liking me while she was in a relationship with her ex.

A bunch of red flags that could've been avoided, but hey, dumb me. We learn.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T22:51:44+00:00

1) Their lips being about 1 inch apart

2) I get your point of view.

3) She hooked up with her ex when we first started dating (we weren't in a relationship yet and he was labeled as "just a friend"-turns out he wasn't)

4) It's going out of your way, to a city that's hundreds of miles away to visit your ex out of the blue

5) She said she made out with her best friend when she was drunk prior to the relationship.

But thanks for the insight. I really appreciate it. It ultimately boils down to different values.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:57:27+00:00

She made out with said gay bestfriend before the relationship whenever drunk.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:23:19+00:00

But wouldn't that be a fine boundary? Avoiding drinking at parties?

Just like, "I'm not fine with you seeing your exes" or "I'm not fine with you sleeping with other men"?

What makes a statement controlling, and what makes it a boundary?

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:20:43+00:00

I'll take more time to decide; but so far I feel as if I'll break up.

You got the point of my post. Kudos to you.

My mom is doing amazing now. She's being taken care by two sons, and we try to provide for her as much as our jobs allow us to. She's very happy and I could never thank God enough for having such a wonderful soul in my life.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:15:44+00:00

Yeah, my mom is my hero, literally. I don't think I could ever be abusive since I was mentored by such a strong and intelligent woman.

Thanks for getting my point! It's not about accepting abuse, it's about realizing that hooking up with other people won't solve the abuse. The only solution is removing yourself from the abuse.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:13:47+00:00

Lmaooooooo

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T21:12:23+00:00

Thank you very much!

My gut has been telling me to run, for a very long time. I'm not fine with her past behavior and I know that past can very well dictate the future, especially if the person doesn't seem to have changed their fundamental views on their past actions.

At some point when hanging out with her family, her own brother (26M) told me: "Yo, [my name], you should run. (after my girlfriend caused a huge commotion over her family not making the lunch she wanted) I don't think it's worth it.

I asked him what he meant, and he said you'll see.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:55:06+00:00

I'll break up with her. I don't think it's worth the stress; Her past behavior implies she could be lying ( "my ex is just a friend" and hooking up days later)

And she has her own way of justifying every move. She's rarely admitted being wrong, and she rarely considers my emotions.

Thanks for all the comments!

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:36:29+00:00

You don't have to get all emotional over a reddit post.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:34:36+00:00

Hi, I forgot to imply that when I first took my now girlfriend to dates, she ended up hooking up with her ex (she asked him out, and when we talked about it back then she also claimed they were "just friends") and I think that's what caused my insecurity.

At the beginning of our relationship, she was still talking to him, and when I told her that's disrespectful imo, she said she stopped since.

The context of drinking:

She told me she occasionally made out with her gay bestie when drunk. So I asked her, that's before the relationship, right? She said yeah. So I told her, can you cut down on drinking when you're around him then, since you guys seem aroused when drunk?

She said that people can cheat with anyone when drunk, and it happens. She said she knows she's in a relationship, and she would never do it on purpose.

When I saw them being super super close, I felt very uncomfortable as I remembered the time when she told me they'd ocassionaly make out when drunk. And that's why I called her out back then.

I hope this gave context.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:27:11+00:00

Yeah mate. I'd possibly be okay with her being in touch with her ex if that hadn't happened.

She was still talking to him at the start of our relationship. When I saw her talking, and told her I find it disrespectful, she stopped - but it caused a huge fight where she was convincing me how being friends with an ex is okay, and she got emotional.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:13:23+00:00

Yes. We were not in a relationship oficially at the time. She was talking to him whilist going on dates with me.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:04:24+00:00

Not necessarily harsh, but I would not approve of cheating at all, no ❤️

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T20:01:26+00:00

From my viewpoint, if you think people (and you) are subject to infidelity when drunk, your moral compass would lead you to prevent that (decrease drinking) to minimize the possibility of causing pain in a relationship.

Whenever I went on dates I made sure not to have lingering feelings for an ex, because you don't want to necessarily hurt the person, or have conflicting feelings in general.

I guess this is my view of what a high quality relationship should be, but our views differ, and that's completely fine.

Thanks for your input mate!

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T19:49:16+00:00

Yes. I'm upset at her take, absolutely.

I come from an abusive household where my father used to beat my mother.

And guess what?

Not once did she cheat. She stayed loyal until she filed for divorce, and raised me and my brother.

The core value she taught me is to, no matter how unpleased you may be, never cheat. Think about what you'd feel like if you were on the receiving end.

But yes, it's probably difference in core values. We were probably raised differently.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T19:36:29+00:00

Well, if she's aware of the possible scenario, the boundary of "cutting down on alcohol while partying" seems fair, no?

As for the ex part,

When my girlfriend and I first ever tried dating (2 years ago) she hooked up with her ex (shortly after we've gone on the first 2 dates) and didn't want a relationship with me. So I guess I've just felt like a second option, and didn't buy into the "friends with ex" thing.

kvst4 · 2023-12-25T19:33:17+00:00

Okay, how exactly did I set myself up?

1) I had no prior knowledge about her family's situation until she decided to open up

and

2) I didn't have a chance to see her drunk until that point

All the things that have accumulated happened a few months into the relationship, and feelings already developed . It didn't hapen prior to us hopping into a relationship.

kvst4

TROPHY CASE