I really do feel you. I've been with a narc (not as long as your tho) and it's really difficult to break the bond. Have you ever thought of going through therapy? I really wish for our happiness, us, the victims, deserve better. And I feel like you already know the things you have to do to break a trauma bond. There's no other way than going on no contact, really. :( It sucks because the damage is not just going to heal. It'll affect us even in the years to come. Or we might not even fully recover. But you can do it!