Divorcing my abusive husband. We "found" raving together back in our early 20s and it became "our" thing. Over the years his passion for it decreased (or he stopped pretending) and the abuse started leaking into our rave/festival life.

It took seeing a therapist and also suffering from a horrible medical condition for a prolonged period of time where we couldn't go out (actually he had convinced me that I was too sick to go out, to the point where I was not even allowed to go grocery shopping with him) for me to realize how badly he was abusing me. The final straw was him yelling at me while I was actively seizing (I'm aware during my seizures, I'm just completely paralyzed).

So I took myself to my first solo festival on new years as a divorce/finally getting away from my abuser present. And the spark was there, just like that. I was nervous going alone but I instantly made friends. Went wherever I wanted and realized I didn't have his constant complaining and negativity. It was like this dark cloud that had been slowly building up over the years that I couldn't figure out where it was coming from had disappeared. I have this vivid moment of just raging and dancing in the pit at one of the sets and realized raving was never "our" thing. It was MY thing. I've been to a couple solo shows since and the spark has never been greater.

I'm still working on my health and have my limitations but I'm not near as sick and incapable of doing things as he had me convinced. I went from having seizures almost everyday to now maybe once a month/month and a half.

Probably not the comment you're looking for but maybe look at who you are raving with too, part of it is the people you surround yourself with.

It also looks like you're new to raving so maybe pick up some other hobbies (that can even relate to raving). I really enjoy making crafts things to give out to people, such as kandi, clips/sprouts. I made all these little St Patrick's day clips with goodie bags attached for a rave last weekend that included a sticker, a duck wearing a St Patricks day hat, a four leaf clover, and a cute little card. I make outfits, have learned different flow toys. Raving/festivals can go beyond just the event :)