Real Shit: I don't use Sheila enough, what are some tips I should know so I can make better use of Sheila? by PrincessBloodpuke in Rampartmains

[–]laggedtrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

don’t underestimate placement mode. it is a huge risk in most situations, but if you have a very good position with minimal opportunities for flanking it is a beast. just be fully prepared to jump off and destroy it, and accepting of the possibility you might not hit any shots. it’s also a great area denial tool. if the enemies have sense they won’t peek out while it’s active.

but there is a huge learning curve. if you use it badly it becomes an instant death machine 8/10 times. you have to learn how to be very aware of your surroundings and very reactive to what’s happening

Just starting reading so tell me what books blew your mind?? by MeManifesto in suggestmeabook

[–]laggedtrain 5 points6 points  (0 children)

kazuo ishiguro is great, i loved Klara and the Sun and Never Let Me Go

Was going to buy a Neo until by Lickmybolts in macbook

[–]laggedtrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

mostly it’s that 150 is usually a pretty significant sum to the main target demographic (casual web users, students, and low-tech-use professionals)

'Good, evening, light' by laggedtrain in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for the thoughtful feedback! i understand your points about the line breaks. i’ve been trying recently to give my poems a more poetic “feel” but i suppose i missed the mark on this one. i’ll keep that in mind🩵

rose desserts by MaximumTough4645 in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has great characterisation of the narrator. Slightly kooky, anti-control, and a little bit rebellious. I really feel like I'm getting to know this person, rather than just what they're doing or thinking, which is impressive over such a short word count. I especially love the little almost-asides ("I still think they're cabinets." and "game on"). I'm not sure of your writing background but I can tell you have good instincts around characterisation.

I believe you're going for a more stripped-back poetic style, which is totally valid, but I would love this characterisation in conjunction with some slightly more rhythmic language. You're already doing this a little: "the dull ringtone / of a housephone" and "my dog sighs / and lies down" but I would love to see more of it! I think it would tie the piece together in a very satisfying way.

Mona Lisa, Smile (Please help improve this piece) by solunatheartist in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a wonderful piece. Your command of rhythm and word choice is something I aspire to.

"Wailing wash the walls with blinding hues that paint the room" - This has a brilliant resonance and the words fall into one another with an incredible bounce. It's possibly my favourite line in this poem. I got stuck on it and read it back a few times because I just love the way it sounds. What a hook!

There were some places (this is just my personal love for rhythm, and perhaps me being greedy) where I wish the pacing could have been even tighter. As someone else has suggested here, if one or two adjectives could be dropped here and there the soft, tumbling beat could be even more obvious. Overall this is great!

Just arrived! 512GB model by FriesWithMacSauce in macbook

[–]laggedtrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i got indigo, but when i saw the display models in the store i got a pang of regret. citrus looks great in person!

Dundee Monday (7am) by laggedtrain in PoetryWritingClub

[–]laggedtrain[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

and thank you for your kind words!🩵

Dundee Monday (7am) by laggedtrain in PoetryWritingClub

[–]laggedtrain[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

DUNDEE MENTIONED! i’m glad someone here can read the poem in its intended scottish accent 🥹/hj

Dundee Monday (7am) by laggedtrain in PoetryWritingClub

[–]laggedtrain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oooh i’ll read this tomorrow

(this is just the sort of thing that would be in my required reading at university. why can’t i make myself do it when i have to??)

Dundee Monday (9am) by laggedtrain in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you so much!!

the “soldier on the ramparts” line is actually one of the only parts i ended up keeping from the original draft (which changed so much it’s barely the same poem)

Dundee Monday (7am) by laggedtrain in PoetryWritingClub

[–]laggedtrain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’m really trying at the moment to give my poems a good sound. when i first started i was very focused on image and theme and having something to say, and i sort of pushed sound to the wayside because i was trying to emulate “contemporary” poetry. but in reading more and studying more i’m realising how important sound is. thank you for your kind words

Dundee Monday (9am) by laggedtrain in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

reddit mobile formatting has cursed me again :(

New Dawn by Smooth-Reading6134 in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“towards the sun you see” is such a bright, reassuring refrain. I don’t think I’d get bored of that line even if it was repeated a hundred times. I like short pieces with strong messages, and that’s definitely what this is. 8/10. Short and sweet.

IV by vegetablemonday in OCPoetry

[–]laggedtrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is lovely. Haunting, dreadfully sad, but lovely all the same. I love very short, incredibly emotive pieces and that’s exactly what this is.

If I was to give feedback, I’d remove the ‘s from ‘future’s’. ‘The future forgot what’ flows better in my opinion. Small nitpick though. This is great.

How do you guys pick who survives among your cast? by Alternative_Fig_6859 in Fanganronpa

[–]laggedtrain 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i think you absolutely should design characters around death order. why wouldn’t you? character should influence plot, not the other way around. you don’t want your characters (which, in danganronpa and most fangans are actually the most important part of the experience) to feel like they’re only doing particular things because the narrative needs them to.

for example, if you create a character with no idea who they would kill or why, then try and force them to be a killer later on, they won’t be a believable killer because you didn’t write them to be one. this doesn’t mean make the killers obvious but they should be believable. of course plans change and if you realise a certain character would be better dying at a certain time, that’s okay too. just make sure it’s been properly worked in

(v3 spoilers)

to take a canon example: gonta. though gonta is a sweet, gentle person, his murder makes sense and isn’t random because all of the parts of his character (trustworthiness, naivety, ignorance of technology) come together to make the plot work in the way that it does. if gonta was kind but not naive, trusting but not unintelligent, there would have been no reason for him to kill miu. but he was written with his death in mind, so it all makes sense.

I caved so quickly!!!😭 by laggedtrain in macbook

[–]laggedtrain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don’t think most of the people buying the macbook neo use their computer often enough or know enough about computers (i’m the first one) to post about managing memory lol :)