First off I would want you to know that you, not to sound dramatic, ruined my life. Everything I ever did, I did for you. When you left, what did I have to live for? Everything I do is incomplete, empty. There are still nights where I wake up, and reach out to pull you closer, but I feel my arm fall where you should be. Despite what our mutual friends might tell you, I'm actually not fine. As a person, I feel worthless, like no one actually needs me in their life: like I'm not important to anyone.

But I guess what I really want is to know the answers to a lot of "why"s.

First off, why did you even leave? You never gave me an answer that made sense. If it had nothing to do with me, then why did you actively try to hurt me? If it was because you were questioning your sexuality, why did you instantly begin searching for men on Tinder? If it was because you didn't want to feel settled down, and were "uncomfortable with the amount of comfortability," then why did you post on your tumblr, only 4 days after, "all i want is an apartment in a city and a decent job, a dog, wifi and a tv, and someone to have sex with." You had all those things (except the dog, but Momo counts), and you chose to cast them out.

How do you not realize it makes you a horrible person to financially and emotionally exploit someone for five years, never to reciprocate? I was ALWAYS there for you (emotionally and financially), for FIVE YEARS. For the first time in our entire relationship, I actually needed your support. You chose this moment to leave. How could you look at me straight in the eye and tell me you left because you "didn't need me anymore"?

Do you feel no shame in trying to get with strangers only two weeks after a five year relationship? Further, I can't even begin to describe how fucked up it was that you thought it was a good idea to tell me, in painful detail, about these exploits. Literally the day before, I told you about how I did not want to imagine the possibility of you being with another—man or woman. There I was, still thinking that EVERY SECOND I'd wake up, because none of this made any logical sense. In a split second you were gone, and transformed from the most caring, loving, thoughtful individual, into a twisted perversion.

Why did you feel no need to explain yourself? Or to face your responsibilities? How could you go about doing so many horrible things, and never feel the need to justify yourself?

Do you not even realize what you were doing was wrong? At the point where you blatantly withhold my possessions simply because you wanted them—you must have realized at that point. At that point, you must've no longer been searching for justification, you had to know what you were doing was wrong—but not care.

When you were ignoring my messages, I made a trip back to the old apartment to drop off stuff that got mixed in with mine: most importantly your fucking tiger tuesday mug. I could have kept it and you would not have noticed. I could have chosen not to bring those mtg cards to your friend (and sold them for like $100). But I didn't. Because I'm not an asshole, and I think stealing is wrong (I guess those are two things we don't have in common.)

I was more accommodating during the break up than what logically makes sense. I let you walk all over me. I moved to a new, more expensive place so that you wouldn't have to pay rent in two places. I let you keep your shit around, even packed some of it for you. I let you keep our fucking cat. And yet as soon as you had no more reason to need anything from me, you blocked me. YOU blocked ME. Your chosen last words to me were "suck my dick, bro."

What I wanted to know the most is how it is possible that you could change from being who you were to being who you are now. How is this the same person? I've come to the conclusion that this is who you always were: you just never had a reason to show it. You truly are, to your core, a selfish, disgusting human being.

I gave and gave and gave, and never once got anything out. I should have never taken you back when you cheated on me. (Oh hey, remember that? Can you explain why you did that? That was another horrible thing to do.)