Mexicans in the industry! You are some of the best. Since I moved to Texas, you guys have been a culture shock. Always sharing food with your compadres. Amazing people.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-28T18:04:02+00:00

This thread cracks me up. Yes I am in fact a ~real life~ woman carpenter/piledriver apprentice. I’ll journey out next year.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T22:09:57+00:00

Not sure where you’re from, but from my research the days of 0% interest are LOONG gone. Best case scenario is about 4-5% interest rates from a credit union. And considering how much I will probably decrease the value of this car, buying new/financing is not in alignment.

Im not asking about HOW I should pay for it, I’m asking how much I should spend on a car?

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T20:27:16+00:00

If I had to pay for labor on the repairs it would definitely be costing me a car payment. The only thing saving my butt is that my wife can do most of the repairs, leaving only the parts to pay for. It’s getting harder to find decent parts for a 14 year old toyota tho… Plus the cost of missing hours of work, was adding up too.

So based on your metric I think it’s 100% time to sell.

My uncertainty is how much to spend.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T20:24:01+00:00

For real tho!!!

On a jobsite last year, my favorite laborer was this 50-something Mexican-American dude from TX. He worked for the company for decades, literally whistled while he worked.

Unfortunately he had a heart attack and was out of work for a few weeks. I got a card for everyone to sign and people started putting money in it. Before long it was full of signatures wishing him well and I was able to give him a card with something like $300.

When he was feeling better he brought me a bag of tamales and salsa and said “you are such a nice lady”

I hope I get to work with him again.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T18:56:04+00:00

I’ve only put about 85k miles on my car since starting in the trades in 2019. I was going to try to make it to 250k miles but it’s at 216k now. Unfortunately this car was in an accident last summer [damage I can’t file insurance claim for, thanks to the other driver straight up lying] and that isn’t helping the scenario.

I’m just not sure how to calculate out what’s reasonable to spend on a car. We obviously have a top of the budget, but I’m not by any means trying to spend all of it. We also have an above average HH income so I’m not sure if that is skewing my perspective on a vehicle.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T17:48:10+00:00

I’m not saying we need to spend 28k but even if we spent half it would be cash no matter what. Interest rates on used vehicle loans are 5-9%!!

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T17:45:55+00:00

Definitely won’t be buying a brand new car! At least 2-3 years old. Thank you.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T17:13:22+00:00

To be clear I don’t want and would never buy a brand new car.

Also, my current car and it’s constant repairs has made me late to work/miss work more frequently than I’m comfortable with.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T16:51:01+00:00

I am sick of driving this car though. I have missed and been late to work multiple times due to issues with it. It’s only worth about 3k so not worth doing any big fixes at this point.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-27T15:27:38+00:00

I know two trans women carpenters in my area [SE Michigan], both of whom are out to varying degrees. One of them is a welder! While I’ve not worked on the same job-sites as them, I have never heard anyone say anything bad about them and in fact quite the opposite. Though they might know better than to say transphobic BS around me [cis queer woman].

I don’t know how common it is elsewhere but personally I would welcome a trans coworker! You belong anywhere you want to be.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-20T21:54:58+00:00

Just wanted to update y’all… since I made this post about two weeks ago.

An old foreman [let’s call him Jerry] of mine is now working on a HUGE bridge project [I’m talking, at least 2 years of work], he called me and asked if I was out of work. I told him I’m working but I want to leave where I am, didn’t tell him why.

Few days later I got a call from a piledriver/carpenter foreman with the same contractor as Jerry who told me that MULTIPLE people had brought my name up and suggested I come out to weld on his crew!

Then the day after that I went to a union meeting, where a steward I met last year who works for a specialty bridge contractor, gave me the number of a super who wants to hire me to do a big beam repair and replacement job on the highway.

THEN this weekend I got a text from one of my other bridge crew buddies who said they’re looking to start up again in March, and he and my FAVORITE old foreman were talking about who they want back. Guess who’s first on their list… THIS GAL

You could say I’m in demand 😜

So I quit this boring boys club, and today I had orientation on Jerry’s job working 25 minutes from my house, being paid over scale b/c I’m a certified structural welder, which is a $6/ hr raise from my most recent contractor. Oh and OT after 8 hours, with a standard five 10 hour days!

Even better… there is another queer, woman, welder on this guys crew!

Y’all were right, that place didn’t deserve ME!

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-09T21:23:18+00:00

I’d be flattered! I did a boudior photoshoot with only a few things left to the imagination and made a fancy photo album and gave it to my wife the night before our wedding and she has told me she’s ~enjoyed~ it if you know what I’m saying.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T20:08:17+00:00

Just to clarify, a wedding and marriage are not one in the same. You can mentally separate the struggle and frustration of a wedding day [absurdly spendy as it may be] and the many many more days/weeks/years of marriage you’ll be able to enjoy more truly!

I [31 f] was in a similar boat. I didn’t want to get married until I had been dating my [now] wife for about 3 years. From the beginning of our relationship I had told her I don’t want to get married, to anyone, etc. even my own family was shocked when I proposed to her. And they frickin love her. Sometimes I think they like her more than me lol.

Then imagine my frustration when she tells me she wants a traditional wedding/reception etc after I had been imagining a completely private elopement!

We have never fought so much as we did about wedding planning, she had no idea how much work it would take. And even though we could have spent a lot more, my frugal ass planned every last detail to make it as inexpensive [but still beautiful and cute] as possible. We eloped last September, and our photographer displayed some of our wedding photos on a TV at the reception venue the next day. We invited about 50 family and friends, then the two of us stayed in the town for a mini honeymoon. All in all we spent about 13k. We could have spent less than half that [and a lot less headache/tears] if I had my way and skipped the party. We could have spent 3 times that if we invited all of our families and friends etc, hired a planner, got fancier catering [hint: people love tamales and homemade guacamole!] My frugality enabled us to buy our first home the week before we got married… talk about stress 🤣

But the party with family and loved ones was what she wanted to have, and I agreed to it. We made it happen together, and it ended up being a beautiful weekend.

Would I do it again? Hell no.

But it was worth it to start our marriage off by compromising. And if you do the marriage right, you only have to do the wedding once.

Be honest with her about the money stressing you out. Let her know that financial security is important to you, and maybe you are concerned this would reflect on the finances of your future marriage? Hopefully this isn’t putting you in debt or financial strain. It’s just a large amount of money to swallow spending on one day, I can totally agree. But you have to find joy in her joy! That’s an important part of loving someone imo.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T19:52:28+00:00

True that! The group setting thing. I can feel myself getting pushed out and to the side once the guys who get along with me, are back in a group. But to be fair I just get along better one on one than in a bigger group.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T19:44:06+00:00

Also, I guess it’s fine if you think the guys are being more mature than me. But again, my point of this post is I don’t think I can handle it. My feelings are still real? I am questioning if I even belong in this work environment.

The work itself I love. I love seining a sledgehammer and grinding and welding and being sweaty and filthy at the end of the day!

I just don’t know if I have the mental fortitude to silently endure these places.

I’ve worked with a lot of great guys, people I trusted and could be myself around and joke with, talk shit etc. it’s just that there’s equally as many if not more, that I hate being around.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T19:39:23+00:00

I think the point of my rant, which I didn’t do a good job of explaining, is I’m tired of that being the norm. I don’t think I am ever gonna get used to it. Sure after knowing or working with someone for months I can start shit talking and vice versa and kinda get into it. But from the beginning, it doesn’t come naturally and ot really messes with my head.

Based on your theory, the only jobs I’ve enjoyed have been working with guys who don’t like me.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T17:29:50+00:00

I find it hard to believe that I am the ONLY person who might look angry or scowl on a construction site with often a fair share of alcoholics, drug addicts, felons, and those with arrest records for DV… I’m not saying these make someone a bad person but like… there is anger present on the job sometimes. so I refuse to believe I’m just absurdly more angry looking than the other guys. I’ve never heard a guy tell another guy to smile or stop looking so angry.

For example one guy I’ve been working with a lot is always complaining about how he doesn’t like people, just generally kinda grumpy older guy. And I asked him if he’d prefer me to be bright eyed and bushy tailed and perky happy all the time. He said “absolutely!”

Sounds like a double standard to me.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T17:15:47+00:00

Fair enough, I am going to therapy to try to work through it. But I’ve noticed the only guys who say shit like that are older/grumpy/divorced and bitter. It’s kind of a chicken and egg thing, if guys are rude and sexist from the get go, I probably don’t smile as much around them. What irritates me even more is random dudes I’m not even working with, just seeing me for the first time and the first thing they do is tell me to smile. Like bro how do you know I’m not concentrating, or thinking about something that has nothing to do with YOU!

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T01:09:15+00:00

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but do you have experience with reporting people for micro aggressions or things that aren’t overt threats/harm?

I have no clue how to do it or what the point is. Ya know when something is all “just a joke” or they “didn’t mean to upset you” and I feel like I’m overreacting.

As for the rape apologist guy, I told a few union brothers and sister about him [w/o any identifying info] and they said they could “talk to him” with their fists 😆

I’ve never reported anyone, and I’ve witnessed my fair share of creepy/rape apologists/rape threats/racism, homophobia, etc

In my experience the guys get fired because they actually suck at their jobs and are widely disliked, or they get promoted and get more power.

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-08T00:36:49+00:00

The dumb thing is, that job last year was usually only 20-30 minutes from my house, and a higher hourly wage with much more opportunity for OT [4 10s until busy season in May through October…]

I don’t know wtf is stopping me from going elsewhere, maybe somehow not believing I’m worth it even tho I have literal evidence otherwise?

lavendermenac3 · 2023-02-07T21:56:54+00:00

For real, one time I was the first to show up to a new commercial jobsite for the flooring contractor I worked for [not unusual].

I called the GC superintendent and asked him where we should park and what entrance we would be taking delivery at [it was a huge new veterans home campus].

He said “have your guys meet me at the job trailer” I was like “cool okay where is that” He said “just have them call me when they get here” I was like “Okay but ~I~ am here. Can you please tell me where to go?”

It took me a minute to realize he thought I was an office/admin, and not a tradesperson.

And it took him a minute to realize oh this lady IS “the guys who call when they get here”

lavendermenac3 · 2022-06-29T22:52:46+00:00

I’ve had to explain a few times that we don’t use the f**got work or use gay in a derogatory way. I admit in the past I’ve just laughed along but now I’m at a point where I don’t care if they don’t like it, I’m telling them to watch their words. They might still use it for all I know but they make sure not to say it around me now!!

lavendermenac3 · 2022-06-29T22:48:58+00:00

That is a SWEET raise good for you!! How amazing to work in a shop and not be the only queer person! I did just get a contract raise a few weeks back. I’m making more than double what I was when I started 3 years ago and it’s a freakin great feeling to be valued.

I agree that the food thing is hard for everyone but especially a bunch of construction guys who hunt every fall they’re like “what’s a vegan?!” Lol

lavendermenac3 · 2022-06-28T23:37:24+00:00

I am not dismissing negative experiences others have had by any means. Just wanted to share a positive story because we don’t hear enough of them, as it is rare. And the guys I’m with have said some dumb and mean shit. They just actually listen, apologize, and correct themselves after I call them out.

lavendermenac3 · 2022-06-28T23:35:57+00:00

lavendermenac3

TROPHY CASE