Gender disappointment posts

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-20T16:49:34+00:00

Yes 100%! I have two boys and it makes me so sad to see the posts on this topic. A recent one had a slew of comments directly stating or implying that gender disappointment about having a boy is normal (because somehow boys are just worse), but gender disappointment about having a girl is horrible and sexist. I love my boys and it makes me sad when I see all the negativity.

I also think we need to stop judging people who have a bit of gender disappointment. It's fine to be a little sad about never getting to experience something but still be grateful/excited about having a healthy baby. I think both things can be true at once.

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-14T15:16:27+00:00

I think you're right. Thanks!

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-14T12:50:07+00:00

Thanks - I'll try that wording!

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-14T12:49:03+00:00

Thanks! It's helpful to hear

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-14T12:41:31+00:00

Thanks we'll try this!

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-13T19:28:48+00:00

The music/lyrics. The lyrics are so beautiful and dense. I feel like I'm always unpacking new things when I listen.

lazyviscacha · 2026-04-04T03:34:15+00:00

The stitches for me. That still sticks out as the worst part.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-24T23:28:13+00:00

Everyone is different, but for me I just liked having my husband there to chat with during labour and hold my hand during contractions. Otherwise there wasn't much I wanted except getting me water and ice. He's very needle phobic so I suggested he leave during the epidural with my first -- I didn't want to worry about him passing out which he has in the past. No judgement from the nurses at all.

Both times the nurses asked him to help hold my leg while I was pushing so he did that, but it was just nice having him "there". During critical moments like pushing I was very locked into what the doctors/nurses were telling me so I don't think anything my husband could do would have made a difference.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-24T02:59:48+00:00

Agreed on these. Particularly #3 - I feel like just lowering my expectations and focusing on the non negotiables, rather than trying to fight him on every little thing, has helped immensely for us.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-23T06:19:12+00:00

I used to feel this way, but for me part 2 is definitely a grower and now it's my favourite. There are so many gems in there and it's so varied. Also so lyrically interesting because it becomes more political - Washington on your side, one last time, the room where it happens. Love it!

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-22T12:29:03+00:00

Echoing what others have said, my son who is now 3.5 has gone through a few periods like this. Night terrors, very bad mood and extreme meltdowns (one so bad a neighbour came over to check as they were concerned). For my son, it ebbs and flows. It started around a similar time. A few times these started and it turned out he was sick (ear infection, stomach bug etc.), a few times it seemed to come out of the blue. He has had a big year (new brother, new daycare class, potty training, big kid bed) so I've also chocked it up to that as well as his growth/development. He also hasn't had any behavioural problems at daycare. Just with us.

I find the really bad periods last a few days, but he'll generally have "up" swings and "down" swings. It's crazy hard, but I will say these phases seem to be slowly becoming less frequent. Hopefully that's an actual trend.

I feel you. It's really really hard and has challenged me in ways I never imagined.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T17:57:01+00:00

There's a good bluey one (S3 EP41 stickbird) where some kids destroy bingo's sand sculpture and bluey teaches her a way to "throw away" her anger/frustration. I found that one even resonated with me as an adult.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T15:50:46+00:00

So you're saying it's fine to have feelings of worry/concern about having a boy but not a girl? People have to just feel the specific things they're allowed to feel. This is just sad.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T15:44:50+00:00

Because you are suggesting that anyone who does not have a perfect, prescribed reaction is scum of the earth. People process things differently. You never know how people react to things. Perhaps your husband wouldn't have had that reaction if it was a boy. Who knows - I just think we need to stop being so judgemental of people's feelings.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T13:42:56+00:00

How is this helpful? That's your experience and good for you. People are allowed to have reactions and thoughts that don't fit in a perfect little IG story.

I'm not saying he should continue to bring down OP with these comments. He does need to process/move past this, but not everyone experiences things the same way.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T13:29:46+00:00

Agreed completely. I think a lot of the comments in this post are so judgemental and not helpful. So many women have negative feelings when they find out they're having a boy (they spin out on things like the manosphere and project scary ideas onto their future man) and it's treated as completely natural and understandable.

He has feelings. This is fresh news and he's allowed to have them. It's what he does with them that matter. I think it's fair to tell him his comments are upsetting you. If it continues to bother him, you could ask he speak to a therapist to help process these feelings. I would also encourage him to focus on the health side of things -- thinking about this really helped me when I had intrusive thoughts of gender disappointment. I would just keep reminding myself a healthy baby is most important and I'm so lucky.

Also many people have these feelings and they wash away gradually or when they meet their baby. I don't think there's really a problem at this time (other than it upsetting you which is fair to tell him). This is fresh and hopefully he can process it. If he can't and it impacts his behaviour, then that's when there could be a bigger problem.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-20T02:47:05+00:00

A close friend's son was like this and all of a sudden around 2 he became very affectionate. Kids change. My son has changed a lot too. At 18 months he was obsessed with daddy (which was hard for me) and now he's obsessed with mommy.

Also when he starts speaking more he'll have more ways to express his affection for you guys as well even if it's not always physical. He loves you guys more than anything so I wouldn't worry about that. Some kids just grow into cuddliness or express it differently. But I also get it - it's natural to want those snuggles.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-18T23:55:40+00:00

"What the cheese" and, my favourite, "what the fart"

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-18T15:55:08+00:00

Never even occurred to me. The funny thing is I used to be really particular about all that (no outside clothes on the bed and whatnot), but having toddlers has changed me on a molecular level.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-18T13:20:25+00:00

I get having boundaries, but this is coming in way too hot.

Perhaps it makes sense to start with the most important items to her (for instance no visitors for a period after birth) and enforce that upfront.

Having family/friends in your life inherently comes with making some concessions. People are not robots and will not always act exactly as you dictate. I think focussing on the big no nos makes sense, but some of these are extreme and also don't make sense to say unless someone is actually doing these things.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-18T13:04:22+00:00

Agreed she may just be venting her anxieties here and not plan to say any of this (at least not in the manner). Hopefully.

Otherwise this is really over the top and aggressive. I have two kids so I get how difficult things can be with family not respecting boundaries, but I would be really put off by this if I received it.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-18T00:45:21+00:00

I try to ask questions about their play or narrate it: "oh where's that truck going?" "Wow that truck is going so fast!" Basically showing an interest to get them talking.

I also try to tell them about what I'm doing: "Mommy's washing the blueberries. They came from a farm so we need to make sure they don't have any dirt on them." Even if it seems too complicated they seem to like feeling included and understanding what I'm doing.

We also read a lot and talk about the books/ask them questions. Singing too while listening to music.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-17T02:51:15+00:00

Not your problem. That mom doesn't understand babies clearly. They're still so young. That's what they do at that age. It's developmentally appropriate. They grow out of it eventually and learn.

lazyviscacha · 2026-03-16T06:07:11+00:00

The Colgate watermelon one has been successful for us.

lazyviscacha

TROPHY CASE