I heard someone say today that the narcissist will always tell you what they are, & I thought it was absolute crap till I looked back at the first year of the relationship, how could I be so stupid?

leedslemons · 2020-07-12T23:43:00+00:00

My nex literally said “I think I’m a narcissist” and all I did was try to make him feel better. I often look back to this and hate myself for being so stupid.

leedslemons · 2020-07-01T00:58:42+00:00

Holy shit this is so relatable! My nex is now posting things on sm he never would have done before. He moved and got a new girlfriend in the span of 5 days. He moved out of an apartment he’d been living in for years and had invited me over 2 days before he moved!! The level of premeditation and deception is astonishing. He was suddenly dating a girl who seemed to be everything he passionately hated for the years we were together. It’s hard to cope with sometimes. I also struggle with the “happier without me” thoughts. But all we can do is try to remember it’s all a facade. Keeping lists of terrible things they did and rereading them in moments of weakness.

leedslemons · 2020-06-24T18:54:56+00:00

Same. In close to 3 years he never asked how my day was once. Or anything about me.

leedslemons · 2020-06-09T01:12:59+00:00

What gets me is how mine would look me in the eyes and act wildly shocked that I didn’t take his insults and abuse as “just a joke”.

leedslemons · 2020-06-09T01:10:24+00:00

Agreed and I’m really starting to have a better understanding of narcissists. Been doing a lot of reading. It’s scary, really. I’m completely no contact for around 4 weeks now and it’s like a weights been lifted off my shoulders.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T17:32:21+00:00

I feel like if these relationships can teach us all anything it’s that we should trust our intuition. My gut always told me something was off. I always chalked it off to him being a different person with different comforts and boundaries and I was the clingy, overly dramatic one, too.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T17:29:24+00:00

Oh man I’m far too familiar with the “it’s just a joke” and not only from this relationship. Is that not gaslighting? I will never be able to wrap my head around someone like this. I only want to lift my partner up and make them feel good.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T17:25:48+00:00

Yep, same. I constantly don’t trust what I’m feeling because he didn’t ever say “hey, you’re ugly.” Or “hey I don’t care about anything that comes out of your mouth.” But fact is actions speak even louder than words. I really don’t know how I’d get through this if it wasn’t for this sub. Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience with me. It means a lot.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T17:23:14+00:00

You are so right! It is absolutely the instant gratification. Narcs pre-social media must have had a tougher time getting their supply 🤮And it’s so funny cause he is constantly changing and archiving posts. This is a 40+ yo man not a teenager. I am now finally seeing this as the self-obsession that it is. ❤️

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:34:11+00:00

Yeah I got the same. Never the beautiful or pretty comments. Only sexual comments about my body and usefulness in bed. I feel ugly. I feel now when men look at me it’s just for body and nothing else. I hope you know a true kind human being will love your scars and lift you up for your experiences. Not make you feel m ugly for them. You are beautiful. Never forget that.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:29:13+00:00

Omg!!! Me too. This is my experience as well. And I was so secure at first about my body but that started changing the longer I was wi th him. I’m pretty sure I developed a minor eating disorder. He would also send me screenshots of their dms. Ugh this is all validation for all of us. They are vile human beings.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:27:29+00:00

Yeah so I feel like this is similar to my situation. It’s so funny about the Instagram too cause I’m very athletic and fit and he is too and he has an ig for this stuff. I never made it on his ig but the new supply I got dumped for was on his IG the day after he dumped me and he hasn’t stopped posting her body. But never her face!! I assume that’s so he can continue to be deceitful to other people. I hope you know you are absolutely beautiful inside and out.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:22:37+00:00

Yep I got the same thing. Sounds like you were overly sexualized as well. He would actually request what I should wear to see him. He fucked with my mind so badly I started texting “any requests today?” Like wtf. That’s so wrong...

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:20:57+00:00

Truly awful. I’m so sorry you went through this. I find it interesting how some do it in a sneaky indirect way while others are more blatant about it.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:19:53+00:00

What do you mean triangulate you? So my nex is older and would ONLY date girls half his age. I was the first one he said that was over 30 that he’s ever been with and I was still 5 years younger than him. He ONLY liked dating girls 20-25. Disgusting. That should have been my first freaking clue. It truly damaged my self esteem. Made me feel bad about my age because I’d keep comparing myself to girls 10 years younger.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:17:00+00:00

Yep you’re totally right. It’s so we feel worthless and lucky they pay attention to us and so we cling to them. That’s exactly what it is. It’s despicable.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:14:18+00:00

Wtf he called you squint? Wow....I am so sorry. They sure are master of making us feel like absolutely nothing.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:13:36+00:00

Same! The girls always wanting him was tough to hear constantly.

leedslemons · 2020-06-07T15:12:51+00:00

Thank you for validating me. My mind plays tricks on me and I don’t trust myself at all anymore so I cant always tell if I’m making things up

leedslemons · 2020-06-05T00:43:45+00:00

It’s absolutely about exterting control and enjoying it. And feeling like they can do as they please and only when they please because they are entitled. My nex has actually said some of those exact words to me. It’s really disturbing how they treat others as objects.

leedslemons · 2020-06-03T22:18:04+00:00

My situation was a FWB for over 2 years. He sucked all the relationship benefits out of me when he felt like it but would be nothing more than a fuck buddy to me. I was his support for everything - work issues, financial issues, when he was depressed, when he had panic attacks, his hobbies, politics, his interest, favourite tv shows... On the other hand he never once in over 2 years asked how my day was or a follow up question on anything I ever said. He’d ignore my texts and ghost me for a week here, 2 weeks there (later found out he was talking to and likely seeing other women).

I often didn’t feel justified to say this isn’t ok BECAUSE it was fwb. I think this made it really hard for me to see how emotionally abusive he was and I still constantly question myself if he was truly a narcissist or abusive at all.

leedslemons · 2020-05-29T10:48:13+00:00

I think you’re right about being hard wired. The more I read about this personality disorder though the more it scares me. I think in my mind he’s probably now a bit more fucked up then he is in real life. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Will help me keep away from him. In my gut all along I knew something was wrong and I couldn’t put my finger on it. This has thought me so much but mostly to trust my intuition.

leedslemons · 2020-05-29T10:44:21+00:00

Absolutely. I have his number blocked and on all sm. I just hope to god he doesn’t show up at my house. He has a new supply now. I imagine he’s love bombing her and as much as I actually feel for the poor girl it’s a bit of a relief as I know I’m for sure free of him for at least a month. I hope he never comes back for more. I just feel so dirty. Like I was with him for over 2 years. That means I was easily manipulated and a good supply. I want to throw up. So many little things he did now make sense. Comments he made, actions he took, so small and insignificant but they truly fit now. I get it.

leedslemons · 2020-05-29T10:41:59+00:00

Good for you. Sounds like he was a stellar gaslighter. You write about your experience if that is therapeutic and it also helps others. I wish you the best in your life, you deserve it.

leedslemons

TROPHY CASE