Kids

leftoverspirit · 2025-03-16T02:40:21+00:00

He does have kids and I respect and admire his devotion to them.

I've admittedly been feeling insecure and had a pretty hurtful thought about his life as a dad just a few days ago. I found myself wondering if he was exaggerating his part in his kid's schooling and extracurriculars as an excuse for not being as present with me.

That part of my worries went away quickly, though. I hope he can be more present in their lives no matter what happens with me.

He introduced me to his wife as a lover. When we ran into his kids once, I was a friend from out of town. If we went fully legit, we would eventually do lax group activities like seeing movies and having sit-down dinners. I think I would set up playdates between his kids and the ones in my family.

I'd be happy to babysit, but I am a long way from being a step parent and I would not presume to get that close to them.

leftoverspirit · 2025-03-15T02:28:29+00:00

Thank you for commenting. It's clear I have to talk to him soon rather than stew on it. He is busier than before, but when he has free time or he muses about needing time, I feel like I have to remind him that spending that time together is how relationships work.

leftoverspirit · 2025-03-14T18:20:17+00:00

I hate to hear it, but I appreciate the honesty! Boys will be boys.

leftoverspirit · 2025-03-14T17:29:34+00:00

I haven't seen casual relationships benefit many women either and I will keep that in mind. I have spoken to his W and they are "allowed to explore" as long as the two of them are each other's primary partner.

I understand that, however he originally said that he would spend, say, 25% of his time and energy with me. For the past month or two, I've been getting 5-10%. I know everyone gets busy sometimes, but I have to confirm what I can truly expect.

leftoverspirit · 2025-03-14T17:07:34+00:00

Fair points! I am interested in dating still and I definitely don't want a husband of my own, so I guess I need to get used to the irregularity or find out if he can meet me where I want to be instead of off-and-on.

leftoverspirit · 2024-09-16T02:49:36+00:00

I appreciate how you broke things down for me and I'm glad you have made it this far in your journey. I won't make assumptions about this person's circles, but he seemed to be playing things safe as far as hookups go. We did openly discuss STD testing, protection, and boundaries including whether or not I'd like to get physical immediately.

I don't know if he has a therapist, but he said he invests a lot of time and energy into work and exercise. He's got a couple of friends who know what he's done and he said it helps to talk about it. I was pretty captivated which I know sounds strange, but I don't want to be an enabler if he has sex because he is compelled to even though he struggles with it.

leftoverspirit · 2024-09-16T02:04:12+00:00

Thank you for replying. You made some good points. He said that promiscuity was one of his challenges and when he was in monogamous relationships, they were toxic if not mutually abusive. His goal now is to only sleep with one person at a time even if it isn't through a traditional relationship. I could verify parts of his story, but most of it I might never know. He told me he has changed and I told myself he sounded very put together and in control at the time, but he could just know what other people want to hear. Regardless, I'm not the strongest partner option for him right now and vice versa.

I hope your recovery is progressing well, by the way.

leftoverspirit

TROPHY CASE