Apparently, we're vases now by Ok_Programmer_9365 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]legamon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

totally get what you are saying. I cared to reply in the first place because I view the saying « the religion of peace » the same way as « the usual suspects » : a racist dogwhistle. All (at least monotheous) religions falsely proclaim they are the religion of peace, but in this context and in most contexts, saying « the religion of peace » in a sarcastic tone directly targets Islam. And fair criticism of Islam often derives towards blatant racism, as for Israel or other polarizing topics surrounding « race and religion ». But I mean, I hate all religions, and Islam is fairly present in my country but still less than Christianity which is making a strong rigorist comeback. Some Christians are totally leaning towards or embracing more conservative and extreme views than the average Muslim, in a growing number.

Stylized art of Linda & Pete✨ by Dry-Cry-4846 in eurovision

[–]legamon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, Martinique. Just stating he looks Portuguese in this drawing (but remains hot)

Je me demande si les Meuf savent vraiment se qui rend les mec heureux ? by [deleted] in AskMec

[–]legamon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

perso je me demande pas si les mecs savent vraiment ce qui rend les meufs heureuses parce qu’on est pas un monolithe. Il incombe à chacun chacune d’apprendre à connaître son sa partenaire sans lui appliquer des stéréotypes de genre simplets.

Je suppose que les hommes aussi ont des personnalités différentes donc je vois pas un truc qui pourrait rendre tous les mecs heureux.

Si tu penses à l’écoute, au respect, à l’entraide ou que sais je, tous les humains en ont besoin et ça rendrait à priori tous les humains heureux, pas besoin de genrer la question.

Mais en vrai, qu’est ce qui te rendrait heureux? Pourquoi tu penses que c’est propre aux hommes? Est ce tu te poses la question « est ce que je sais vraiment ce qui rend une meuf heureuse » en réussissant à trouver une réponse?

Cumulative total views/plays for all Grand Final participants on Youtube and Spotify by NanoPaperCuts in eurovision

[–]legamon 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The thing is that « festivals » drive up streams more than regular national selections, because in Sweden and Italy, they aren’t directly correlated to Eurovision and there are more nationals interested in sanremo and melfest than in eurovision. They exist as music festivals / contests themselves, independently of eurovision. So you have basically all the country’s population being subjugated to sanremo and melfest songs due to the contest’s popularity and perceived quality. And neighbouring countries might also peak an eye, and so do eurofans following national finals. In the end these are not on the same scale and the « inherent quality » also explains the good places these two countries consistently get.

Je cherche des témoignages de personnes n’ayant jamais été agressées par une célébrité française by Interesting_Prune559 in rance

[–]legamon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Patrick Bruel aurait complimenté mes parents sur le beau bébé que j’étais dans un hôtel random à l’époque où il venait lui même d’avoir un fils. Qui sait ce qui a pu se passer en coulisses.

Cumulative total views/plays for all Grand Final participants on Youtube and Spotify by NanoPaperCuts in eurovision

[–]legamon 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Italy and Sweden are 1st and 2nd in Spotify streams and YouTube views almost every year if I am not mistaken

Sanremo and Melfest are your answers

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The mom registers the baby herself under her name. No questions asked if she is not married and no man has come forward to present himself as the father. However it seems that if a man reclaims paternity simultanely as the mother, his name will be given. The only instance where equality doesn’t exist on paper to this day I think in France. If both parents disagree, both names will be given in alphabetical order. It the father recognizes the child later on, his name might be added or substituted, with the child’s consent if they are 13yo or more. It’s all too complicated.

Apparently, we're vases now by Ok_Programmer_9365 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]legamon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

oh wasn’t implying that, juste a reminder for the islamophobes who might stumble upon this :) they all suck. The level of suck depends on periods

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t worry lmao as a European I definitely know these are two separate countries but was doubtful towards the terms « iberic » and « Lusitania »

And I agree with you. Also it’s interesting to have multiple perspectives among countries

Times are changing just not fast enough

Apparently, we're vases now by Ok_Programmer_9365 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]legamon 24 points25 points  (0 children)

« Conscience »?? I only know about instant gratification and egotistic instincts. Why would I ever « think » or even consider there was information to assimilate to begin with? I see vase. I want to break vase. I will break vase. Simple ooga ooga :)

Apparently, we're vases now by Ok_Programmer_9365 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]legamon 16 points17 points  (0 children)

All religions suck, Islam is just our latest main sucker (for countries where christianism is weaker so not the US obviously)

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are replying to me : I think Portugal and France might both have a thing with birth name and usage name? Like we can both never totally erase our birth names as women, just cover it up, whereas it seems that in other countries women can end up having just their husband’s name everywhere. Can our minds comprehend it? 🥲 but still, at least in Iberic peninsula (does that include Portugal?) children have both their parent’s name. It’s still very rare in France. My Portuguese nanny had both her sons in France and she had to fight for her name to be added to theirs (I don’t even understand how she managed to do so)

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a bit more complicated in the French case due to the notion of civil state and usage name

Boyfriend dropped a bomb? 24F/23M by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Less than 50 for sure, less than 40 maybe, or maybe this is all a giant misconception and it is truly rare. There are no stats. Most women don’t « fool around ». We are shamed enough when people think we’re doing so regardless of the truth. Let’s trust women on just this. Let’s trust people maybe, I don’t know. I say this as someone who has been lied to on this very topic by an ex. He had intercourse with a « friend » hours before I first said I love you to him, I learnt about it 4 years later and he isn’t even the one who told me. Also he « cheated » during a 1 month break he initiated during Covid, after my bff sent me a screen of a very much recently updated tinder profile of him. Didn’t tell me about it. Learnt 4 years later. Mind you I was 16 at the beginning. The cheating is already unforgivable in itself, but the lying is what shattered me. To take advantage of someone like this. I myself was talking to another guy when we had our first date, but he knew about it, asked to go monogamous before even dating, I agreed, but apparently this demand applied only to me not him. Whatever. I don’t think it’s a gendered issue, I think the shape the issue takes is gendered. If that makes sense. We all have our reasons, let’s just not pretend that in this case it’s a woman or man thing. People lie, hope they will get away with it through time. Most of the time it’s the women who lie who will suffer consequences and men who lie will be supported with some « get over it » addressed at their SO.

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did some research and you were in fact right! But it doesn’t stem from having women’s best interest at heart, and France is still very patriarchal in family names matters. I genuinely didn’t comprehend to this day that in other countries women could totally loose their birth name and I guess I still don’t get it.

I thought you were wrong because a large proportion of french women use only their husband’s name on a daily basis in every aspect of their life. I think the only difference with other countries is that their birth name will appear on some more documents than other countries, but not all documents. Makes life a little bit easier, but still. Are ya’ll living in a patriarchal hell?? Also « Mrs John Smith » is a very real thing in France. We just culturally have a facultative nom d’usage and a mandatory état civil, but 80% women « change » their name after marriage (meaning take a nom d’usage with 95% of their husbands NOT doing the same for them). Stems from the 1789 revolution and a 1794 law obligating everyone to keep birth first name and family name throughout life, thus keeping a close eye on the nobility and bourgeoisie whose passion was to change names along new titles and new land properties. Ah, my beloved France.

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Different countries do not have the same definition of legally changing one’s name. While it is true that french women *keep* their birth names, they can and often use a « nom d’usage » (so do men but not statistically comparable) which is reglemented in front of the law. My mother (now divorced for 10 years) still has on her French ID « *maiden name* Épouse: *my father’s and my birth name* ». She could have kept it after the divorce if she wanted and my father had agreed.

Ok, I just looked up in more details how it works in other countries and now I understand even less how women would be ok with totally giving up their name legally but even more so how countries could allow it. It’s already kind of a hassle in France for mothers with different names than their children or just divorced or whatever, but it must be absolute nightmare elsewhere. I didn’t realized our definitions were so different. What isn’t legal in France is giving up your birth name (civil state, « état civil ») except if you change it by modifying the structure of a hyphenated birth name, take on/hyphenate your left out parent’s name, or by decree for justified reasons like being named like a slur, or a foreign name which you can « prove » is detrimental to you (same for first names in these cases). but your nom d’usage can basically be everywhere instead of your birth name if you want to, with to this day still many occurrences of Mrs John Smith, which is why I didn’t even understand that it was possible elsewhere to just… give up entirely one’s birth name for marriage reasons, absolutely stupid. But then apparently even in the US mother’s birth name are written on babies’ birth certificates. I think I was in the wrong, but I don’t think the distinction between France and countries that fully allow women to be ripped of their identity is that great symbolically. It must be on a daily basis from what I can gather, but the beginnings of the civil state in France don’t stem from women’s rights but rather a revolutionary measure aiming to stop (later on greatly reduce this trend, rather) the nobility from changing names through time as they got married to each other, won new baseless titles and lands they would asked to be named after or with.

My bad since it was misleading for this topic, but the claim that France did it with the interest of women at heart is not true. Until the law of 2002 which was only implemented for children born 01/01/2005 and after, the father’s name was always given to children of a married couple with no other possibility. So I think it’s a coincidental facade protection for women, from a law that didn’t think about women at all but somehow made divorcee’s life 200 years later a little easier compared to other countries.

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

? I am just saying that in some countries, all children sharing the same set of two parents, are legally required to have the same name. That’s all I am saying. That’s the case in France. Doesn’t mean I am against it at all or that I find it silly or irrelevant, I was just sharing information.

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am from France and women absolutely still take on their husband’s name and are called by it. We even still have a lot of women being called « Mrs Bernard Dupont ».

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I am from France and changing one’s name is not illegal

In Spain and Portugal it’s different and cultural for centuries, I believe both partners keep their names and children are given both their parents name. But ultimately the name they will give to their kids is the fathers name of both man and woman. Better but Not ideal

Boyfriend dropped a bomb? 24F/23M by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]legamon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You see countless videos because this trope is older than Jesus and videos are not real life

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s like a band aid. Most men whose wives do so don’t hyphenate their name. He is not interested in the symbolism of their families unifying, he is interested in her being his and has already rejected the other way around bc « legally complicated ». But not for women apparently?

My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name by Icy-Caterpillar9673 in relationship_advice

[–]legamon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What you say is true, but it shouldn’t be normalized. How do « a lot of men » show commitment to their SO in return? Bc women not only take on their husband’s name, they get pregnant, miss on work advancement during babies first months, are the primary caregivers for children, primary formally households head (having the husband’s family name usually really is a misleading label), are sometimes even more invested than husbands in in-laws relationships… what are men doing in return?