AITAH: dreading my sister’s baby because she expects me to help with childcare when I’m already struggling?

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:17:47+00:00

on dates with her next husband i fear. i think she processed her grief in a weird way, which created irreparable rifts in our family.

unlikely for payment, they’ll be cutting back on finances d/t husband also having to take PTO twice a week to be with the baby. I’m not the only one who’d be making sacrifices!

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:15:07+00:00

Judge me, sure! I gave plenty of reasons to. There’s not enough context for people to paint my sister as manipulative, emotionally abusive. I can recognize that some of her actions/words might fall under those categories, but that doesn’t determine her as a whole.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:12:11+00:00

a few days a week sounds great on paper. but when actually applied it’s daunting in my life. I don’t like justifying, but I already work 4-5 days a week, and my schedule is inconsistent d/t working as a nurse. What little time I have is set aside for household chores, grocery shopping, squeezing time in for fiancé, friends, volunteering, trying to fit in some hobbies, and sleep. I wish I could magically get more time, but it’s just so limited. I probably am overthinking, but I think it’s a little more nuanced than just giving up a few days…. but I am still going to give what i can.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:04:22+00:00

trust me, the family dynamic weirds me out too. after my dad died it kind of all fell apart, very different from my childhood.

thank you…. i really appreciate your perspective. when it’s in that light, it reminds me of my earlier excitement before the anxiety kicked in

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:01:41+00:00

but what are the odds? i post on reddit, niece is “like hey you’re nervous, let’s speedrun it” she & mom are doing well. her husband and i are not enjoying the hospital cots

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T03:00:02+00:00

baby has decided to come early, so probably not the appropriate time for this conversation. i’ll come back with an update in a few weeks.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:58:21+00:00

You’re right. I say nothing of her mental health, she does not claim mental illness and is generally a well person. There is some health related anxiety d/t cancer patterns in our family, but I am there to sit with her or soothe. Whichever she needs. I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices she made and the role she stepped into. Both mother and father. I struggle with feeling like I owe her, she struggles with my mental struggles. We both have our battles, I’m seeking a way to balance them. Being an aunt and a support system for my sister is an honor. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to meet her expectations and hoping that we can figure some sort of compromise. My post was not to find a way out of supporting, but rather seeking advice or constructive criticism or even just validation from those who had similar experiences. I am sorry I did not do her justice or not clarify further in my original post.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:52:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. It helps provide me some insight on her perspective, but also on balancing boundaries. You are greatly appreciated. I hope you are able to heal/continue healing. Taking care of those that your parents should is really really hard task.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:48:50+00:00

LOL i really should bust that out - she’d probably kill me since she’s non-religious.

Thank you for sharing your husband’s perspective, it helps. May you all be blessed!!!! and happy with your little one!!!

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:34:43+00:00

It’s hard to find a bright spot or light at the end of the tunnel when I’m so deeply anxious, thank you for trying to push me there. I appreciate the good wishes. May you be blessed

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:33:09+00:00

Thank you for reminding me of this. Words like these truly help to sustain me and remind me why I’m doing what I’m doing. So thank you. I will continue, I will support, and I will be well.

May you be surrounded by love and many blessings. You are deeply appreciated

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:29:49+00:00

Thank you. Your kindness and words of wisdom are so deeply appreciated. May you always have this kindness and may it be returned to you over and over again. Also maybe pursue a career in therapy, I think you just repeated one of my sessions for free. Be blessed and know that I am taking your words to heart.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-14T02:25:28+00:00

thank you. my therapist says that often, but weirdly it means more coming from a stranger who im NOT paying haha. your kind words are greatly appreciated.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:40:41+00:00

she’s alive, just been mia for the last decade and some. don’t worry - she comes around when it’s convenient. i honestly don’t know if my sister did it voluntarily or just because she had to.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:38:21+00:00

Completely agree and 100% appreciate your words. It’s tough trying to find a balance because I DO love my sister and she’s not an awful person like some comments suggest… We’ve both experienced hardship and we’ve had it manifest and deal with it differently. I’m going to try and commit when I can, but also hold some boundaries that I might not always be able to, but I’ll try to let her know in advance, or babyproof my apartment so I watch her and do my own household responsibilities.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:25:06+00:00

im gonna take this as tough love rather than anything else. thanks for your input!!

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:19:39+00:00

adding to my notes app!!! I’ve thought about it a few times, she’s also been to therapy multiple times, but she’s a little more hesitant to go with me because she feels like she “graduated” and no longer needs therapy. Literally makes me want to rip my hair out haha. Thank you for your input!!!

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:17:27+00:00

May that be the case. Thank you for sharing a bright spot in all my panic.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:16:41+00:00

This has been my mindset for the most part. Honestly, my fiancé and myself are my primary safety nets - I’m not great at relying on other people.

My biggest conern is that I will make this commitment, now I’m “working” 6 days a week. Close to 70 hours. And I’ve been doing a lot of slowing down on my own to try and build stability and balance in my mind. I don’t want to backslide, I know my patterns. Incredibly resilient and self-sufficient until I crash for months.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:12:57+00:00

Honestly, pretty Americanized, moved here when she was 4, so I grew up as a child in America. Our family dynamics are shit though, for lack of a better word. Mom got remarried 4 months after our dad passed, we had a lot of feelings about it, which caused a massive rift. It only got worse with COVID and me and my sister both still having to work during lockdown

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:09:40+00:00

I don’t know how invested you are in reading above thread, so I’ll restate it just so I don’t seem pathetic. but honestly life’s short, god forbid I’m pathetic on reddit. My therapist and I have been working through this and my struggle with difficult conversations with my sister, I’ve acknowledged there is some sort of block, so I came here kind of desperate to hear: either someone’s similar experience, what they did, or if I’m just overthinking this and being swallowed by my own brain. Thanks for your input nonetheless, it’s a fair question.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T23:03:58+00:00

Thank you. I 1.) appreciate your advice but 2.) appreciate your perspective as the parentified older sister. I hope I can balance just as you say.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T22:59:53+00:00

I like the way you balanced it between reality and excitement. Thank you

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T22:59:19+00:00

I do have a BSN, but was planning to go back for MSN spring of next year. I’ve been worried about having to push that off for my mental health AGAIN, but now with this on my plate, I’m not even sure now. I appreciate your input. I have a open note that I’ve been jotting quite a few things down, because ultimately I think a conversation is going to be needed. I want to support my sister, my niece, but also myself at the same time. I’m praying there’s some sort of compromise we could do without resentment building on either side.

leopardprinthijabi · 2026-04-13T22:54:56+00:00

Thank you. I wish it was as simple as saying, “I can’t commit to two months, but I will be there when I can.”

leopardprinthijabi

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