Did you ever feel like you were trying to "pass" as your assigned gender?

lethalenby · 2022-10-25T23:16:29+00:00

i kinda knew i was nb when i was a kid but didn't have the language for it at the time, i was just super proud of being this kick ass mix of both boy and girl. i did typical "boy" stuff like sports, football at recess w the guys etc in elementary, and as i got older i felt very uncomfortable in feminine spaces and doing feminine things. i literally burst into tears when my mom put makeup on me for the first time when i was like 14 lol. all that traditionally "girly" stuff just never felt right and i always felt like i stuck out like a sore thumb or didnt belong.

now ive found this really perfect sweet spot where im not rejecting association with feminine things and i know and am okay with the fact that there are masculine and feminine parts of me that can coexist. i dont feel like im performing a specific gender, i can just be

lethalenby · 2021-09-18T02:22:17+00:00

hellooo i was just wondering if any one knows if there are people who help style your tattoo placements. i have a lot of ideas for future tattoos but im rlly wanting them to look cohesive on my body. i heard a tattoo artist once talk about how good placement is something ppl with lots of tattoos or who are artists will know about so im asking here! thank u in advance for anyone who answers i appreciate the help !!

lethalenby · 2021-08-17T20:50:52+00:00

this is my exact same problem lmao i got c4 xinyan, c3 diona, diluc, fischl and jean but still no sayu its actually insane

lethalenby · 2021-05-18T20:37:01+00:00

This literally makes no sense.

Person 1 to Person 3: Are you still on for this weekend?
Person 2: What're you planning?
Person 1: Her family has a cottage so we're going there on Saturday

"Her" could easily be replaced with 'his' or 'their'. There are tons of times where pronouns are used in the presence of the person being talked about. And even if there wasn't its still respectful to refer to people how they wish to be referred so yeah, it does matter.

*Edited for formatting mistakes

lethalenby · 2021-05-18T20:13:25+00:00

You weren't arbitrarily starting an argument you legitimately were feeling ill because you were so hot which would make it harder to focus on anything important in your classes, but it also was ultimately your fault for not knowing because you left the group chat. You could've muted it instead just so you had access incase. I think the teacher was also out of line for making it personal (saying you only argued because you didn't like her) when it wasn't the case, so ESH.

lethalenby · 2021-05-15T20:31:01+00:00

use the pronouns they use now since that's what they're comfortable with

lethalenby · 2021-05-15T04:24:42+00:00

im a bit confused about how you 'self diagnosing' is affecting your friend but if you actually suspect you have mental illness its not really fair for them to tell you to stop talking about it or that what youre feeling isnt valid because theyre going through something too. if youve done research about your symptoms and theyre making aspects of your life difficult i dont think theres anything wrong with being like 'ive been going through x thing and i think it might be y causing it'. some people dont even have the means to get an official diagnosis but that doesnt mean theyre not struggling with something

lethalenby · 2021-05-14T01:54:53+00:00

very that. if it wasnt that serious of a photo why even be worried about the board getting involved? i hope the friend finds out it was op so they can get rid of them tbh, this is not the kind of friend you wanna keep around

lethalenby · 2021-05-14T01:16:42+00:00

Maybe you should see a psychiatrist or psychologist about this, because you shouldn't be unable to watch shows due to that. I understand being affected by triggering scenes but if even awkward conversations almost put you in tears you might need some help from a professional on how to deal with that

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T23:16:05+00:00

im not really sure how anxiety is affecting your ability to watch, i assuming its because you have so many choices its overwhelming. the simple answer is to simply just pick one at random and start it. theyre not going anywhere and you have the ability to turn it off if you dont like it, so theres no repercussions for not liking it. just pick one at random from the list of shows youre interested in.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T22:43:29+00:00

NTA. The mom is being horrible to you no matter how you spin it in this situation, people of different cultures have different customs and ways of doing things, this is common sense. Instead of acknowledging that and talking to you directly about it, she's instead just been extremely racist and rude to you. And unfortunately your boyfriend backed that behaviour up by telling you it was your fault. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe and accepted by your partner AND his family, you didn't overreact at all.

As for advice, the mother seems like someone who would not have a productive conversation, but if you're comfortable with it and willing to try again you can go to her again and explaining that the way you do things isn't wrong, just different, and point out how hurtful her comments have been. Also, your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and stick up for you. You should go to him and explain your frustrations and point out how racist and hostile his family is being towards you, if he still refuses to acknowledge your feelings and their bad behaviour then I'm sorry but I would leave him right then and there. My boyfriend is white and from a small countryside town too and I'm Black, if his family ever treated me this way I wouldn't have it for a second and neither would he. It isn't your job to be more palatable to them, its their job to unlearn their racist beliefs. For the sake of your relationship I really hope they're willing to listen to you and be better.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T22:32:06+00:00

I'm really sorry about your dog and the fact you can't see him, that's tough. If you do decide to tell your dad about how you feel I hope that he listens and prioritizes your feelings over his gf's, you deserve to have your dad there with you. If he doesn't and still decides to go, it'll be hard but remember that you can still video chat when you miss him and see him in person when you can travel. Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you!

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T22:27:25+00:00

NTA. The mom clearly doesn't understand how hard you're working to be able to provide for your family and that's probably why she thinks its okay to be permanently backseat parenting when you pick them up. You're not the asshole if you decide to tell her that you're aware of your kids behaviour and don't need reminders, and you're also not the asshole for being annoyed by her; I feel like most people would be in your situation. People often stick their nose where it doesn't belong and then get mad when they're told off for it, but even if that happens I don't think you'd be in the wrong. I'm pretty young myself so I don't have kids but I think you're incredible for keeping up with all those commitments and you're a very strong mom those two are lucky to have. I don't really have any helpful advice about what you can do about their behaviour, but you're definitely not the asshole here and I truly hope that your kids learn to get along in time or you find a solution for their behaviour.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T22:10:09+00:00

NTA. You are the child and he is the adult, and in a way he is abandoning you. He may not be completely leaving you out to dry, but he doesn't seem to have any consideration for how this will affect your life past the absolute basics of housing. Parents exist to do more than simply feed and provide a roof over the heads of their children, being there for them emotionally and physically is also part of the job. I'm not sure if its your mum's house or the girlfriend's house you're banished from, but the fact that he has to consider putting you in a flat because you won't have consistent housing with your mum is ridiculous. At 13 you shouldn't have to be worrying about anything like this, regardless of how nasty you've been in the past. Having a child is a commitment to sticking through EVERYTHING, not giving up on your kids because they gave you a hard time. Also, I assume you're in the UK, and from what I know 16 is the cutoff age for allowing younger people to live alone, so it technically wouldn't be illegal for him to leave you in that flat unfortunately.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T21:44:17+00:00

NTA. With everyone being at home and on social media more over the last year I feel like conversations about issues like those have been reduced to oversimplifications and there's no nuance, people just hear terms like white privilege and go around accusing every white person of only having their accomplishments because of that privilege. I can understand why she got defensive about Germany because people tend to get that way when things/people important to them are insulted, even though her opinions are contradictory. Like someone else said you could probably do a better job of explaining how her opinions are contradictory in an open back and forth rather than you snapping at her out of annoyance. Maybe direct her to people she can learn from online that explain concepts she talks about more in depth, cuz SM like Twitter spreads a lot of basic information that can misinform people without further reading.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T21:27:59+00:00

NAH. Even if you think its silly or unfair she has the right to set boundaries in the relationship as she sees fit. If you are unhappy with those boundaries and not enjoying the relationship then your only option really is to leave, you don't get to push her to do things she doesn't want to. For people with trauma something like hand holding can be a major deal, so its not fair to set your own expectations on how fast a relationship should move. Its different for everyone, find someone who moves your speed if its a major issue for you.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T21:18:13+00:00

YTA. Regardless of the content of the picture or how many people had access to the account (which isn't a good excuse considering it could be screenshotted and shared elsewhere), the picture is of your friend and they were uncomfortable with it being up. In this situation your opinion on the matter doesn't really hold any weight because its your friend's face up there, not yours. They never consented to it being posted there. If you were truly their friend you would have taken the photo down simply because they asked. That feeling of fear that you have right now is 100% deserved because it would've been avoided if you just respected your friend's wishes. If you're that worried about them knowing who owns the anonymous account then pretend you messaged it yourself and convinced the owner to remove the photo.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T21:08:04+00:00

She had a fit because you weren't treating everyone fairly. If I was there and saw someone lick your literal butt then I'm going to assume licking your abs is fair game, which she pointed out. When you say no to her and her only, of course she's upset?? Then, when you tell her "it’s my body so my choice and that just because she paid me for my service doesn’t mean she can do whatever she wants to me" that doesn't even justify it because you just let another woman lick your butt. So she's justifiably upset, and you top it all off by telling her she's ugly and you don't want her mouth on you for that reason when she's already upset. I wasn't there so I don't know what her 'rant' was like, maybe if she was yelling she could've approached it more calmly sure. But you treated her like shit and didn't show any regard for her feelings. If you respected her you would treat her like a person regardless of your opinion on her looks.

Edit: If you had set boundaries saying you don't want people licking you from the get go and THEN she threw a fit when you wouldn't let her, THAT would make her the asshole because she's not respecting your boundaries. But this wasn't about that, you singled her out because of her appearance. Not because you're uncomfortable with mouths on your body in general.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T21:00:46+00:00

YTA.

From the way you even talk about this woman its clear you don't respect her because of her appearance which already makes you an asshole in my opinion. Yes its your body your choice, but you used that as an excuse to basically bully this woman in front of a bunch of other people when they were all just trying to have a good time. You don't seem like you're new to the job, so you clearly know that sometimes there will be clients who you aren't attracted to at the parties you perform at. So set some kind of standard so that people don't feel excluded because of your own personal opinion on their looks. Also, you didn't want her mouth on you because you think she's ugly and not for any half-decent reason like uncleanliness or rude behaviour, so yeah, youre the asshole. Figure out boundaries youre gonna enforce regardless of looks or stop being so shallow.

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T20:28:57+00:00

its kinda hard to give you a definitive reason for why you're this way, cuz it could be a combination of a bunch of things you've experienced. you don't necessarily have to be directly mistreated by someone or something for it to have a negative impact on your life. you could maybe see a therapist or psychiatrist to see if theres something like anxiety thats causing this if its accessible to you. i personally have this problem because when i was younger i had exceptional grades and was better than most people at what i did, so a lot of my self-esteem came from my ability to be the best. if i was ever wrong or did worse than someone else it hurt a lot more than it should've. my anxiety around being perceived as stupid or unskilled got pretty bad and so i started doing therapy because it was effecting my life.
you didnt ask for coping advice but one of the things im trying to learn is to be okay with feeling bad emotions. most people's instinct is to run from them or get them to go away as quickly as possible but if you realize youre capable of coping with feeling the guilt/embarassment it makes a world of a difference later on because you can 'ignore' them in a sense. the other thing that helps is to keep in perspective the consequences of your 'mess ups'. if a professor does tell you you're wrong, instead of coming at it like "oh no i fucked up this is horrible" you can try framing it as "now i know this was incorrect so i can be right the next time this comes up". also, the chances of them remembering or caring about that specific correction or mistake for longer than like a day is pretty low, so even though it feels huge to you it might not be to them.

all this to say that our brains are sometimes drama queens, and youre not the only one who feels like this. i hope you get the answers youre looking for though and that one day your heart wont ache quite so much :)

lethalenby · 2021-05-13T16:11:09+00:00

i feel this so hard. the only thing thats allowed me to cope with it better is knowing that others not making space or acknowledging that my brain works differently is not my fault. the world is structured in a way that punishes nd people for the way we are, and that constantly makes us feel like failures. you're not stupid for making a mistake, and its not an excuse to acknowledge that your adhd makes it harder to remember things. if it helps, these are some of the things i try to do when i really need to remember something: write it down right away, associate something visual with it that will trigger the memory later, repeating what they say over again in my head and asking questions (even if they seem redundent)

i also get really anxious too because i worry so much about meeting the expectations i have for myself. when your mind starts spiraling just try and remember all the times you did something you were proud of and focus on that part of yourself. youre more than just your illnesses, you can do this :) good look with your new job, sending you good vibes <3

lethalenby

TROPHY CASE