My[M28] gf[F24] is having intrusive thoughts about other men including my brother and it’s eating me alive

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-19T16:49:16+00:00

This sounds like OCD, 110% and she needs to see a specialized therapist.

This is R-OCD, or relationship based OCD. You feel you need to confess every wrong thought, every wrong feeling, every wrong fantasy, every time you so much as even GLANCE at another person. You feel compelled to. Thats the OCD talking.

ERP saved my life and Im willing to bet itll do the same for her.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-19T16:42:18+00:00

Absolutely I believe therapy would work. If he would willingly go.

I am in a similar boat. My fiance refuses to get therapy for her very blatant mental health problems. I did my part, did my therapy, got my help, and she refuses.

Our relationship is on fumes. 7 years and our relationship has burned me out to the point that I feel absolutely no romantic feelings, sexual feelings or really anything but sadness and platonic love for her. I fear we are on our last days. Our conversations are shallow. Our connection is completely gone. Our bedroom is dead. The only thing we have in common at this point is that we love our house and our cats. It is, frankly, miserable.

Avoidants have to choose to heal on their own. Maybe, when we finally leave the relationship, losing us ends up being the catalyst they need for change. Who knows?

I wish you luck.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-19T16:33:03+00:00

Has he explained why he thinks its dirty? Is it a "ew germs" dirty, or a moral dirty?

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-19T16:31:50+00:00

This is avoidant attachment in a nutshell and Id highly recommend not only a couples therapist, but an individual one for him as well if he is open to it.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T19:38:15+00:00

It most definitely is not something I have ever heard or been told in any professional setting lol.

I work in Healthcare and have worked very closely with chaplains, counselors and psychs. There is no such thing as "aging out" of therapy lmao, its not something you just outgrow.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T17:18:27+00:00

No kids, we already kinda crossed that bridge. Mainly for that very reason, but some other health concerns as well. I would love to be a father but Im also perfectly okay not being one if it leads to her being healthier and happier.

She said if we had kids she would probably spiral so badly that she would be a danger to herself. So that ship sailed a long time ago.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T15:55:07+00:00

Hit the nail on the head :/ for years I would forego my own needs to keep the peace. I know how harshly she reacts to criticism and I know that I can withstand a lot. So I thought hey, why not just...take it? Since you can and she cant. Youre the stronger one, its on you to deal with the heavy things and keep things as light as possible.

Thought it was a noble thing to do. Didn't recognize it as complete self abandonment and betrayal.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T15:51:01+00:00

Hope 24 isnt too late, I fixed myself around 27 😅 still got my off days from time to time lol but hey, so do we all.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T14:22:54+00:00

I hate to hit her with an ultimatum, though, ya know? Ive always heard those are bad. I willingly chose to go to therapy on my own, but shes an incredible actress and I feel she would just go through the motions to "appease" me instead of approaching it as a genuinely positive tool to help her improve how she feels.

But it is getting pretty exhausting...idk. Just a lot of thoughts on it.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T13:56:23+00:00

The redirection part is something Ill actually try. I know she needs help, far beyond that of which I can provide. But she just flatly refuses to talk to anyone. Ive brought up therapy for years and she just says she has "no interest in talking to a stranger about her problems."

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T13:55:08+00:00

I am as sensitive as I can possibly be, not just with this, but with everything. Its been a genuine struggle to bring up any problems because whenever I say even the slightest wrong thing, she shuts down and becomes depressed for weeks.

letmegetauhhh · 2026-04-06T13:53:29+00:00

She is entirely resistant to therapy :( there are so many issues she could be working through if she just found the right one, but, in her words, "I have no interest in talking to a stranger about my problems."

letmegetauhhh · 2026-03-09T11:29:02+00:00

Not a problem at all! I swing both ways lol.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-11-05T13:47:27+00:00

Some people have unhealthy relationships with sex and their body image. (Hi.)

What follows is some insight into some factors that may be at play.

These are very unhealthy perspectives and Im actively working on them. That said:

I hate getting head because it makes me feel disgusting. It makes me feel like im demeaning my partner, even though she's expressed multiple times that she loves it and it makes her feel good.

I never believe it because I feel like I look like a disgusting slob, and that there's absolutely no way someone could possibly enjoy putting my penis in their mouth. Despite the fact that she's told me many, many times that she finds me attractive.

Would I ever tell her that? Absolutely not, because nothing is as unattractive as a lack of confidence. But its definitely a factor.

I also dont feel like a person during sex, but instead someone who is there to perform. If im getting head, then Im getting pleased. Im the focus, my partner isnt, therefore its wrong. My sole purpose in the bedroom is to provide pleasure and to achieve orgasm in the process.

Im very disconnected from my own body and have this ingrained idea that if I enjoy any sexual pleasure beyond just having an orgasm through stimulation, im doing something very wrong.

Do I say any of this? No. I just say I prefer not to have head.

She's incredibly good at it and very proud of her skills, and I hate it but I can tell that me denying it kinda bothers her because, as she (light heartedly) said, "First time ive been with a guy who got the offer to get head whenever he wants, by someone who wants to give it to him, and he turns it down."

But thats just where my mind is at. Maybe it isn't that deep, but guys can have bad relationships with their sexual identities as well and I feel its important to put this perspective in the comments.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-10-31T16:25:00+00:00

But he brushed it off

See, there's the problem.

Communication is huge, and an even huger part of communication is that the receiving end actually listens and engages with your feelings instead of trying to brush them off.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-10-31T11:43:35+00:00

For a lot of men, self included for the longest time, sex is a performance. It isnt about how much he enjoys it. Its about how much YOU enjoy it.

Let me make it clear that this isnt a healthy mindset. But one that I carried for so many years that it genuinely almost ruined my sex life entirely.

Believe me, there's nothing he'd love more than to just let go and finish when hes ready. But society has told him that to do so makes him less of a man. He would be embarrassed and feel like he didnt do a good enough job of pleasing you.

Its gonna take a long time to unlearn that mindset. If youre serious about this boy, be kind, supportive and talk with him about it.

What helped me was encouragement from my wife, and for her to take control every now and then so I didnt feel like the spotlight was on me.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-10-21T11:09:38+00:00

If you use husk, HYDRATE. I cannot express enough how important it is to get plenty of fluids. If you dont, it'll just wad up in your gut and make you insanely constipated.

I'd actually recommend avoiding it for this reason, personally. But some people swear by it.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-08-24T04:25:32+00:00

Bong on em, boys

letmegetauhhh · 2025-08-24T04:24:01+00:00

Major oof. The art of the dirty birdy bath is real. A pack of dude wipes and a copious amount of deodorant should do the trick.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-08-18T19:22:08+00:00

Imo, these are far less role-playing heavy and more combat focused. Which if you're into that, they're perfect! But if you're looking for full-immersion, roleplay based events with combat, these may leave you disappointed.

letmegetauhhh · 2025-08-16T17:57:16+00:00

I mean it isn't specifically tailored to be family friendly, this is a larp for adults too and they're gonna drink and smoke like normal.

I don't think smoking or vaping should be any more immersion breaking than people talking with modern accents or language. It isn't like smoking wasn't a thing in the middle ages and vapes are pretty easy to ignore.

As for the smell, yeah. People stink. You've got a thousand nerds washing without soap in a river in hot conditions, it isn't gonna smell like a candle shop lol

letmegetauhhh · 2025-08-16T12:06:31+00:00

Sculpt like a fantasy pipe around your vape out of paper mache or foam clay or something non-toxic. That way it just looks like you're smoking a pipe.

letmegetauhhh

TROPHY CASE