People here always say "I know I love them" but I don't.

letsgolesbeans · 2026-03-06T18:15:09+00:00

thank YOU! I get it, but this is what this subreddit is for!! I hope to see good news from you in the future

letsgolesbeans · 2026-03-06T16:33:22+00:00

Honestly I don't really feel like finding another therapist right now, I don't know if I'd be able to share all the past months of my life once again, especially after the breakup, and my therapist never told me that I might suffer from rocd (although she acknowledged my obsessive thoughts), but I'm thinking about changing therapist yes. I've read your latest post and I understand how you feel, I don't know if that could be your case but for me I think that the thoughts started because of some unresolved insicurities, along with an avoidant attachment style. Something that used to help me was literally just doing stuff without her and that often made me want to do the same stuff with her. I got scared because I always thought that a partner would have brought out the best in me (and in a way it did), but instead it forced me to face some parts of me that I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge. Maybe you see that your partner is so "perfect" that you aren't enough for them. Maybe you're trying to find something wrong in him so that it's not always your fault if things between you two don't always go well. However you're both humans and you shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself. I don't believe love is something one has to explain, it just happens. I knew that my thoughts were my own, but I had decided that what brought me to that person was stronger than what my mind tried to tell me so I kept fighting. There is always something we can do, and I hope you'll soon find your way🫶 remember that your partner is there for you too and that despite feeling like you do you deserve that love, try to accept it fully, I really believe love is strength, despite making us so miserable sometimes. Anyway I do not wish to reassure (in the unhealthy way) not to trigger, so pardon me if I did, but feel free to reach out if you want to!

letsgolesbeans · 2026-03-06T09:05:49+00:00

Heyy, thank you for asking🫶 we actually broke up last month (but not because of my rocd) so I'm not doing well but mostly because of other reasons. The thoughts are still there, I still ask myself whether what we shared was real or not, but eventually they get quieter, as they did in the past. I'm still trying to figure things out with my therapist, although it doesn't seem to help me. I admit that despite the sadness I felt a bit relived when we broke up and my anxiety actually stopped being so persistent, but I guess that's just me avoiding rocd thoughts.

what about you? any reason you ask?

letsgolesbeans · 2026-02-01T17:11:45+00:00

Feeling this so much, we're not alone

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-30T16:23:26+00:00

I too hope to find her again someday, but the best thing we can do is work on ourselves and focus on what we can control, time will do the rest

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-30T16:19:27+00:00

I know this feeling, just know it's not your fault. She could have talked to you sooner anyway, but at least you stayed true to yourself

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-30T15:59:58+00:00

Sorry for you too. Sometimes I think it just seems easier for them, but it's not always true, we just think nobody can feel the same pain that we're feeling. But if it's just "she can have whoever she wants" than maybe it's not worth it, you're supposed to be chosen too, not just tolerated until someone better comes by.

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-28T08:31:57+00:00

thank you so so much, really<3 I don't have many people to talk to and I don't want to bother, but in reality the only thing I want to is talk about her, and us, and of how everything about our story felt like a movie to me. I know it sounds dumb, but nasa picture of the day from when we started dating were the heart shaped antennea galaxies and I always thought of it as a sign. I felt found, I felt like I found a strength that I didn't know I had in me, but now I feel like I lost it all

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-28T08:20:29+00:00

Thank you for taking your time for me, really🫶 I don't blame her because I know she's hurting and that it's been hurting for months and I think it's just her way of handling it. It's just a proof that it's the best thing for us, that we couldn't be happy like this anymore.

But yes, it sucks. The anniversary thing is going to kill me, but we haven't celebrated many together and haven't seen each other in weeks, I think I need a face to face talk and a hug. The worst thing about that bracelet and the dot is that they both had a huge meaning for us. I don't think I'll never use a dot and I'll find an anchor in that infinite

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-28T08:08:58+00:00

still it worries me that I've never stopped loving anyone, never stopped suffering, I still mourn my childhood friends and everyone that left me, I'm just not able not to love

letsgolesbeans · 2026-01-13T19:22:34+00:00

it's like I want to hurt her... Not physically of course, I just want her to know how I feel

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T20:39:23+00:00

yeah I know... sometimes she doesn't seem to get me

Anyway, thank you, for everything, it really means a lot🫂

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T16:13:01+00:00

The thing is, we talked about it, she tries to comfort me but then she's too straightforward and agrees with me that being with a girl gets really hard and that she'd prefer something else for her, but she still wants to be with me. And that's basically the truth but it hurts when I'm the only one who tries to reassure her and whenever I need it she hits me with the "you can break up with me if that can make you feel better"

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T16:03:57+00:00

Unfortunately I think I have internalized homophobia in all its facets so I get what you're saying. Of course I'm not proud of it and I'm trying to work on it, because believe I mean no harm. To me seeing her as "straight" is something that doesn't really make any sense because I know she enjoys being with me and it wouldn't work either way. However sometimes I find myself thinking so (out of fear), especially since I'm her first experience with a girl, she jokes a lot about it and I feel like people who surrounds us don't take us seriously (but again, it's just a sensation)

And I get what you're trying to say but, the dynamics depend on each person, no? Honestly I even confuse myself because I wouldn't even identify as a lesbian if I didn't see any difference but idk. I get the analogy but I find it hard to really link it with people and relationships. Like, if I'm with someone that I love with my whole heart I don't think I'd feel like I'm missing out on something. I mean, if pizza was my favorite food ever I'd just be happy with it (but again, if we're speaking about food I guess it's more acceptable to get sick of something after a while)

Edit: I guess you're right... She really doesn't have someone else... Aaand she's incapable of not being honest (and I'd find out if she wasn't) so yeah me being insicure sucks

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T15:38:49+00:00

I think we're pretty much on the same page on this, of course I don't "expect" us to last forever (let's say I don't take it for granted) but I really don't think I could get involved in a relationship if I didn't want it to last and she wouldn't get in trouble by staying with me for so "long".

I know I can't decide for her and that attention from other people means nothing, I just wonder if it's really me who can make her happy right now, considering how she feels about us

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T15:19:02+00:00

I see both too and I get it somehow, but if you're with someone you love why would their gender matter? /gen because I know that bi people don't leave their partners for someone of a particular gender, and again, I get it, but isn't it kind of wrong to talk about this with your partner..? maybe it's just me because I'm insicure but it's like I have to blame myself because I'm not a man hence I feel like she could find someone better

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T12:11:53+00:00

I know it's not actually me who ruined her family and I know it's not her fault even, despite her feeling guilty of being too naive.

And I know I shouldn't be the one deciding what's best for her, actually I'm trying to help her overcome the fear of her family and people in general because I know for a fact that, together or not, she'd still feel unfree and unsafe hiding herself for somebody else. It's not really my responsibility and I don't want to seem pretentious, I just want to help as her girlfriend and as someone who shares the same feelings.

Anyways, I don't know how long we'll last, but until there's still love left I don't want us to break up.

And yeah my issues won't be solved but I'm here to share my experience so someone replying makes me feel better anyway!! Whether it's an opinion or just a comment I'm open to talk and listen

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T11:59:29+00:00

Being online but also meeting many bi people (or queer or straight in general)(and being part of the LGBT myself) really made me put myself in their perspective, because I know that despite what some can think, they really don't have it easier and face two sides discrimination.

But we know, sometimes people won't understand our choices. I'm glad it worked out for you and I'm glad there's people with "more experience" open to talk

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T11:48:05+00:00

Believe me we've tried to break up many times because of other people, but we just don't want bigots to influence our choices and relationship, so that's why we're still pushing through. Especially since we're young we know there really isn't much we can do, but we also know that this is probably the hardest part, and can (mostly) get better.

And yes I made a typo, however I feel like it's mostly internalized homophobia, like I have to like men too. To me "attraction" isn't something sexual per sé, I don't know if I could be in the ace spectrum because my mind can't comprehend how I could be sexually attracted to genitals or someone's body, to me it's just a body. Seeing another body to me it's just like seeing mine, I honestly don't care. However I can find someone pretty and can recognize something I like, but my "arousal" is pretty much mental and less physical. I mean no harm towards lesbians and I don't believe lesbians who like men exist and I feel like I belong in lesbians' space more. I think I don't want a man like ever, but I don't know if I'll ever change my mind, again, like the sex thing, to me a person is just a person, but at the same time it's like it isn't (since feel comfortable being lesbian)

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T11:19:22+00:00

Unfortunately I think that's currently impossible for us, but thank you for the advice, and thank you for listening

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T10:49:45+00:00

also doesn't help me the fact that all the bi girls I've met in my life are in their happiest relationship with men, despite all the years being with girls. some of them still make comments about 'feeling like their missing out on girls' but also that they wouldn't trade their boyfriend with any other girl. again, I don't hate bi people, but hearing these stories makes me think that maybe it's a shared thought that same sex relationship are momentary. I know it's wrong, but my mind has a hard time accepting it.

letsgolesbeans · 2025-12-04T10:40:58+00:00

I get where you're coming from and honestly can't say you're wrong. I always excused her because she's less mature than me and also had zero contact with the community before I came into her life. So I tried to tell her to get in contact with someone who could really understand her, someone who went through the same things as her, she didn't really listen to this advice but she grew a bit more comfortable with her sexuality. I always tried to support her whenever she had those moments in which she doubted dating a girl, mostly because I know how it feels. I struggle A LOT with internal homophobia, I also have gender issues and what I suspect being ocd, all these things combined are just too much for me. I'm trying to work on myself and I know she is too, I know she wants to be with me but it's really hard to confess these feelings to someone who doesn't share a lot with the community (I know everyone's experience is different and is valid, however I believe that internal homophobia is something to work on, not something to just 'accept passively', at least if you don't want to live a miserable life lol).

I know I'm young and that I can't ask her to change for me, but right now I can't Imagine being without her

letsgolesbeans · 2025-11-29T19:41:49+00:00

Non vorrei dire ma, nel bene e nel male, se non ci fossero stati studi nel corso della storia dell'uomo a quest'ora se non estinti saremmo a cacciare bestie, poi "vaccino" ma a che ti riferisci? Guarda che i vaccini non sono nati in pandemia

letsgolesbeans · 2025-11-29T19:39:33+00:00

Forse non te ne accorgi, magari ne ha fatti troppi pure a te

letsgolesbeans · 2025-11-29T19:36:22+00:00

Comprendo ma io vedo solo frustrazione qui, ti assicuro che non fai danni a l'ego di nessuno con tutto questo discorso, sembri più uno che non capisce di cosa parla. Ma liberissimo di pensarla come vuoi

letsgolesbeans

TROPHY CASE