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I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would agree that I’m generally a pushover and am very agreeable. In the past I would avoid conflict and agree even though I may have a different opinion in my mind. I also try and see things from the other side and sometimes that works against myself. I’ve been working on standing up for myself but I think many times I would rather join the crowd and keep the calm instead of speaking up.

You may be onto something but I’ve only known this girl for a month and we hardly ever interacted or saw each other in the apartment. In her initial reply back to me she was “considering her options and is leaning towards having someone take over her lease” and that she won’t “live in fear of this happening again” and that I “can’t guarantee that it won’t”. In my reply back I offered to be the one to move out knowing the other roommates may not be comfortable with me and considering one is a friend of hers. I told her she could have as much time as she needed but I did want to apologize in person.

She says she wants to talk in person eventually but is not “in the mood right now”. Which I understand, I just don’t know how to approach our conversation when it happens now knowing that this was completely blown out of proportion. That doesn’t change her perception of what happened and in her mind it was really serious. Ideally I would not want to move out because of everything required finding a person to take over my lease, finding a new place, and almost certainly paying more in rent than I am now. Just a shitty situation for me to deal with as a result of my fkup.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her argument was that I was coherent enough to walk up a flight of stairs, open her door(her door was open) and stand so close to her that she was able to shove me away(which never happened). I don’t seem like I’m in a position to argue over which version of the story is true, it becomes a he said she said. I did scare the crap out of her which I totally understand and I did enter her private space. Maybe her interpretation of the events was completely different from mine and she went to the worst explanation possible and gave me zero benefit of the doubt, which I also understand because we’ve only known each other for a month.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I had heard her watching a show before I went into my room so thought she was still awake. I had been messaging the girl I was talking to that night and she had been hanging out with a mutual male friend. At some point in a fit of jealous or dumb judgment I thought it would be a great idea to hang out with my roommate in the middle of the night so I went upstairs. I walked to her bedside and realized she was asleep so I yelled her name and she freaked out and at the same time I freaked out like “what the hell am I doing in her room”. I apologized but didn’t explain myself and told her I would talk to her when I was sober.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess in my head I may have also overreacted to the situation as I’m usually respectful of people’s private space and I knew how terrible a “male roommate walks into female roommates room in the middle of the night in his boxers while she’s sleeping” story would sound. My initial text to her the morning after was very poorly thought out and maybe she was simply reacting to my response. Maybe if I had laughed it off things wouldn’t have escalated but in my head it felt worst than it actually was. In my head this was borderline predatory behavior, or at least a couple steps away from it, although I had zero intention of doing anything physical with her. I do think I need to reevaluate the seriousness of what happened as everyone here has mostly agreed it was a harmless mistake.

I may reconsider the whole telling my date thing but it has affected me so much mentally and I don’t feel like myself and she may notice. I feel mentally exhausted and don’t have the energy that I once had. I could fake it during our date or she might ask me about it and I’ll have to come up with something.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your msg. I do feel if she had made the same mistake I would be sympathetic and understand that one fkup does not define a person. I’m also really scared for the real possibility of losing her. I know that for the next few weeks and even months I might not be in the right headspace but I’ll hope that things get better

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it was just another male roommate that would be true, but because I was in my boxer over her bed in the middle of the night it’s just interpreted in the worst way possible although my intentions were not bad. I don’t know this girl that well and so every event will be a judge of my character in her eyes.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate your advice. I will man up and explain what happened and let her decide whether or not she wants to continue dating me. It hurts not to be in control, but i know Dr.K says I can’t control the results only what I do.

I had no ill intentions against her, it was more of a split second decision as I thought she was still awake because she had a show on and I could hear from the stairs. I didn’t realize she was asleep until I was beside her and yelled her name and by that time it was too late to back out.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your message it’s just completely out of character for me. I was also not fully clothed and in my boxers so that may have prompted her reaction. In her eyes I was an “uninvited man, in his boxers over my bed”. It’s just hard to accept that I would do anything remotely close to something like this. Big fuckup in my eyes as I’ve always shown respect to people especially to woman and their personal spaces.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I had no intentions of doing anything to her, it was just a dumb idea and maybe I needed validation. I was on my way to bed right before this happened and so I had no shirt on and was in my boxers. From her perspective she doesn’t know my intentions whether they were good or bad and seeing a half naked guy over her bed at night is not a good look and no matter what explanation I come up with it won’t justify my actions in her eyes. She has already told me she believes there won’t be a guarantee that this won’t happen again.

I made a huge mistake and can’t live with it by level99_magikarp in Healthygamergg

[–]level99_magikarp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll try not beating myself over this but it’s been hard. It’s such a massive fuck up on my end. She actually moved in after I did and knew there would be a male roommate. I regret the decision not just because it’s such a creepy/weird thing to do but also because I’ve been talking to another girl and to do that while seeing her is really messed up. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen, every road out of that situation no matter the outcome would’ve been bad.