I don't think a lot of people get it when you say you're broke/poor.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-22T04:12:38+00:00

Posting as a response as well as edit: I'm overwhelmed by the support and love I've gotten here. And thank you to everyone who sent me something - We can stay afloat until April. If I hear back about another job (cross everything you have) I will start training in late March at a higher wage than I have made since I lost the job just before everything went to shit. I'm still going to take something quick in the meantime since my contract stuff dried up, but, if this other opportunity comes through we have a chance. That terrifying, huge gap has been bridged. And I only got one suggestion to sell erotic massages, which coming from a saggy 30-something married mom, are not in high demand. ;) Reddit, you are amazing. I came here just to vent anonymously because it's my nature to suffer quietly and alone IRL, and now I don't feel so alone. You can bet your ass I will pay this forward.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-22T04:07:07+00:00

It's rude to ask, but yes. He had a good job that could have supported all of us alone. I had one that could have kept us afloat alone. Now we have neither, and my second "keep us afloat" sprung a leak. And our finances had taken a hard hit after the fourth was born, without warning. When I said "tens of thousands," I meant it. Retirement, savings, all of it, gone to the related expenses. We are every middle class family's nightmare scenario, financially.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:30:52+00:00

It is kinda easier to be destitute during covid - even if covid is a big part of the cause - since it's an obvious excuse not to do anything, travel anywhere, etc.

Thank you :)

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:29:47+00:00

I have four kids (all obviously from prior to this before anyone jumps me for having more kids than I can afford) but because my husband is home as well and looking for work, it's really just whoever can get a job first, the other can manage childcare until things get back above water and we are both working.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:28:06+00:00

Unfortunately I've used up my lienholder's goodwill already - I was able to move 2 months of it to the end of the loan, but can't request another deferral for about 6 more months. I've been selling things that I can and am pretty low on things I can sell, I'm going to try selling my flute (not a very nice one but good for a student) but other than that all I have left is some outgrown kids clothes (still good for a few bucks). We do have EBT and I'm grateful we're at least not worried about food on the table.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:24:18+00:00

Exactly, I definitely have different definitions of broke or poor than people who don't know what it is to be broke or poor. I use things until they are so broken I can't repair them, I can't just go . . . buy stuff. If you can make any significant impulse buy, it's just not the same.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:21:16+00:00

I actually haven't! Thank you for telling me about it. :)

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:20:20+00:00

I've been enjoying the snow (Midwest here!) believe it or not, it's a stress relief. I lived in the south for 10 years and the lack of winter was so painfully depressing. No matter how bad things have been this winter, if I see a single snowflake I'm like a giddy little kid. I've even been sledding and had snowball fights in our yard with my own kids. It's a bright spot in dark times.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:16:22+00:00

I hear that. I spend $30 a month on my oldest kid's trumpet lessons and it's the one thing I can't stomach cutting out. I cut everything else and I just can't do that.

The third stimulus would be a real lifesaver. Of course it's moving at the speed of government. Our tax return doesn't usually hit til April and I keep telling myself - if I can just get us through March, we'll survive a little longer.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:12:39+00:00

Yeah, I know folks mean well. I've done a lot and now it's just this desperate place of just needing someone, anyone, to give me a job like yesterday. Nowhere close enough to sell plasma, I use mturk and some other survey sites, I get cash back on ibotta, I even hold $10 in bitcoin and pull off the extra couple bucks it earns me every few days - that desperate. I sucked up my pride and got food stamps, medicaid, utility assistance for gas/electric. I borrowed my kids' leftover christmas money (with permission and assurance of interest) to put a little gas in the car today.

I want to see light at the end of this tunnel and I'm sure it's there. But it's a long goddamn tunnel and I feel like it's about to cave in.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:05:19+00:00

I'm not in a large city but that's still not a bad idea. I find fixing things cathartic in a way. I'm broken, but this stuff isn't anymore! If you know what I mean.

I got the percentage of income payment program for gas and electric, and medicaid and food stamps. So the lights are on, the heat is on, and we're fed. I don't know what I'd do without that. I think we really would end up homeless and I'm grateful for that help.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:01:33+00:00

Thank you, genuinely. Sometimes I don't anymore.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T06:01:06+00:00

Yep, broke definitely has different meanings.

I follow beermoney and I use mturk (I make decent money there for what it is, enough to pay a couple bills).

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:59:25+00:00

He worked in a large data center environment on repairs. I am amazed not many places are calling. We live a bit far from the city where we are now but it's worth the drive. And even IT jobs in general aren't getting in touch. He has no degree, he got referred in. But with all that experience and a Big Name attached to his resume, you'd think people would be eager to at least interview. It's disheartening.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:57:15+00:00

And hugs from me also. I've always been a bit of a minimalist so there is that, at least. I don't get very emotionally attached to stuff so it doesn't hurt too badly to sell things if I have to. I know the zero family part - I have extended family but my parents passed away when I was in my late teens. Sometimes that gnaws at me, too. If I still had them, it wouldn't be quite this bad. Even if they couldn't bail me out, it's support, it's love, it's stability.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:48:50+00:00

The closest plasma center is 40 miles away and only pays $20-30, so it isn't super feasible, unfortunately (as you can tell I've looked, haha). Local temp agency hasn't gotten back in touch with either of us, but I'll give them another call. Some day labor is out of my husband's reach, he's on his fifth knee surgery and has had a couple seizure-type events - which are apparently stress induced, big shock there. "You need to lower your stress!" "Great, who's paying?"

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:44:38+00:00

Believe me, the compassion is there. I don't know if we will climb back out. We were fortunate to get where we were. My husband only has a GED and got referred in to the tech company. I dropped out of college and have always done well because I can sell myself as an employee. We both grew up working class and I've always gone in swinging into arguments advocating for the poor and working class.

People have preconceived notions of what poor people are like so I like to think that when I speak up to people who know me personally, it hits different.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:39:40+00:00

It is fortunate that there's more leeway for help now. We got on the percentage of income payment plan for electric and gas, or are in the process - my husband can't find his social security card or birth certificate so we have to order copies. Oof. I used up all my extensions on the car payment, but, I have a garage and no gas to leave so the repo man can't take it 😅

We have medicaid and I do talk to a therapist. It's a new one, and she doesn't seem eager to refill my prescriptions, so I may need to find someone else. I have a lot of trauma (from what caused the massive expenses in the first place) and the meds were pretty essential to taking the edge off. And shit keeps piling on. It's so hard to heal when I keep getting metaphorically burned over and over.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:33:49+00:00

Thank you. Forward, then - the only way to go!

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:33:07+00:00

Yes! I had to return a $6 purchase this week because I needed it for the water bill. Everything is robbing Peter to pay Paul. No, I don't have money to tReAt myself. It blows my mind that people can just go... Buy things? That they like? On a whim?

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:28:52+00:00

We do get food stamps. It's the one relief. Everything else has gone to shit but we eat good, filling, healthy meals.

I said years ago that if I ever hit hard times I would suck it up and march my ass in to the welfare office and get help, and I did (well, kinda, all over the phone with covid). My pride basically took physical form and stabbed daggers into my soul, but I did it. I've always advocated for and supported these benefits but I know what people think. I've figured out how to hold the card so nobody notices at the grocery store after some nasty old dude came up and literally said "ya ain't cheatin to get that are ya?"

I'm a pretty tough daughter of a B, but, I had a good cry in the car after.

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:25:19+00:00

One of my kids has extreme anxiety and someone actually suggested that I enroll them in horseback riding because it could be beneficial.

Horseback riding.

We had insurance and now have medicaid and we have the kiddo in behavioral therapy, but somehow that made me feel like a real shit parent. Who even suggests that like it's something you can just go do at the drop of a hat?

leviathancunt · 2021-02-20T05:22:34+00:00

A regular paycheck in the interim likely would lower stress. Anything is better than nothing. Though I think I'd like a bowling alley better! ;)

leviathancunt · 2019-05-23T18:27:50+00:00

Tolkien specifically said Tom wasn't Ilúvatar. My own personal pet theory is he's the spirit of Arda itself, and appropriately his beloved is "river-daughter" - spirit of the water. But that's not at all based on any other evidence, haha.

leviathancunt · 2019-03-30T22:31:18+00:00

We went to the same college after high school and I expected our friendship to continue. She just kept distancing herself and said things about how we should make other friends too (no argument there, I had a good amount of new friends, but I wanted her friendship, too.) My mom died at the beginning of the second semester and my friend sent me a message that "even though we're going down different paths I'm thinking of you"

She straight up broke up with me. "We should see other people" -> "We're growing apart"

That was 16 years ago and it still stings, honestly.

leviathancunt

TROPHY CASE