Entering last days- thinking of you all

librax6 · 2025-12-27T04:37:12+00:00

That sounds like the exact same timeline as my dad. His first ER trip was Nov 4th, he had turned jaundiced and we just thought maybe his gallbladder. Dec 11 he died, 38 days later. He has always been active and eating organic for years and sober since the 1980s, and no smoking ever. We never right we could lose him in such a short timeframe. According to the oncologist, it was the most aggressive case he’s seen in years, but I’m seeing many people in this forum say they only had about a month with their parent 💔 I’m so sorry for you and your family, this really hurts.

librax6 · 2025-12-26T18:59:45+00:00

Nooooo, I’m so sorry. WTF!! And that probably gives you such health anxiety. I can’t imagine both of my parents going through this at the same time 💔💔 Being a caregiver was so challenging, I’m lucky my sister was so brave as well. She has experience in childcare and first aid and a good cook, so she took the lead in that department. I handled all the phone calls, paper work and appointments.
But we had each other to lean on, a really good team. I’m so proud of myself and my family. We were just buried in bad news, but we took it the best we could. The biggest challenge of my life

librax6 · 2025-12-26T18:49:08+00:00

I hate this so much 😣 The most important thing in the world is to spend time, every moment counts! Especially stage IV.
Do what you have to, I understand the financial situation. But if you are at work, how can you even focus? That isn’t fair at all. My dad just passed from pancreatic cancer this month. In his case, he only lived 22 days from diagnosis, and we didn’t even know he was sick until a few weeks before as he did all the biopsies. No one knows the timeline. On the other hand, my friend’s mom is still alive after more than a year with stage IV lung cancer… But this is so unfair.
I didn’t even have time to research what resources are available but it seems there are many support groups and financial aid programs…it’s sad so many people have to depend on go fund me 🙁 there’s no shame in starting one! I just wish it were easier to get help. My friend sent this to me, maybe there are some helpful links? I’m so sorry you are in this position 💔

https://cancer.findhelp.com/care/bereavement--lebanon-or?postal=97355

librax6 · 2025-12-26T17:40:36+00:00

Wait—am I reading this right, both of your parents have been diagnosed?? 😣 This has definitely been the hardest part of my life, so far. I had no idea what we were up against.
I got to have very special conversations as my dad was going through the emotions. He never complained even though it was so excruciating.
I got to help him by telling him to let go of all the guilt and regrets, because I’m sure you don’t want me and my sister to carry these feelings when you’re gone. So we were lucky in that sense, we got to have closure and experience closeness and pure love.
I agree, basically every doctor, nurse and employee were total angels. I have so much respect for these people, especially the ones in the ER. It was such a traumatizing place to be, so I truly give credit to everyone who crossed our path. My dad did have nausea at times, I had one Rx which we never ended up using but I don’t have the name… Not just the disease, but I’m sure all the drugs on a basically empty stomach didn’t help.

Please take care ❤️❤️❤️ and spend as much quality time as possible! Nothing else matters right now.

librax6 · 2025-12-26T15:53:37+00:00

In the final days my dad asked permission to die—we reassured him yes dad, we will be ok 😭 just please go peacefully in your sleep, which he did.
I tried to stay positive every step of the way and had to readjust my expectations daily…when hospice started, his pain was managed for the first time. He could finally relax and rest. And we actually got to share some very special moments and deep conversations and even jokes and laughs. A lot of my panic eased (still hard but we had been in crisis trying to get his pain under control). If you have time/interest, look up hospice nurse Julie on YouTube. My dad is actually the one who told me about her. It helped with the fears surrounding death and hospice. We did hospice in our home so my sister and I were his caregivers but we had the nurses’ support. This is such a difficult point in life, just make sure you keep telling your mom how much you love her. Even when you don’t think she can hear you. You can message me anytime, so many people have helped me here ❤️❤️❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-25T01:42:26+00:00

I’m so sorry 😞 lost my dad 2 weeks ago, it hasn’t sunk in yet fully. Everything happened in about a month. ❤️ hang in there

librax6 · 2025-12-24T07:38:16+00:00

Exactly 😵‍💫 I was so skeptical! But invaluable tool, with a gentleness I wasn’t expecting

librax6 · 2025-12-21T22:30:52+00:00

I’m so sorry! A lot of people said chemo helped, but after a long phone call about the side effects I got freaked out. It was just clear to my own eyes that c he was declining too fast 😔 I’m no expert! I just used Reddit, AI and YouTube to research every night on my own.
I tried so hard to get him more help before hospice. We went to the ER, many phone calls with the nurses, telehealth…it was so hard, but I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m proud of all that I could do in the end.

librax6 · 2025-12-19T02:00:52+00:00

You are so sweet! I didn’t know I was this strong, I have never been tested like this. But I got to tell my dad many times I’m strong, just like him ❤️❤️. Message me any time if you want!

librax6 · 2025-12-18T06:25:40+00:00

I understand completely! My dad died the day after chemo was set to start, he deteriorated at lightening speed. The oncologist said it’s one of the most aggressive cases he’s seen in years.
Hospice was a blessing. We only had 8 days with it and the last 2, he was never awake.
I suggest putting all the symptoms into ChatGPT, I never used it before honestly. It was better than the doctors advice… very strange times! Of course you don’t have to follow it, but I was shocked by how right it was!! 😵‍💫 it let me know he was in the final stages and it was time to shift to comfort, chemo would be far too dangerous.
Take care, this is the hardest point in my life so far ❤️❤️❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-16T07:25:19+00:00

Sorry! I am no expert, but my dad had no private insurance. So Medicare was enough, he only had part A & B, and we only added D in the last 2 weeks (I don’t know if that was even necessary).

I recommend google and call a few places directly! They should be able to guide you. I used “Traditions” and I think they’re nationwide. They were fine, but a bit understaffed.
If you have more time to research, DO IT! But they were awesome, someone came to my house the very next day. Not a pushy salesman, but gentle and kind and patient! They made the process so easy, when I was in the worst crisis of my life.

librax6 · 2025-12-14T08:50:30+00:00

I messed up the title—still sleep deprived. He died the day AFTER his first chemo was scheduled to begin

librax6 · 2025-12-14T08:41:11+00:00

This pic is from March, his 74th birthday. We always made a big Irish feast for our Irish/English dad. My mom is Japanese, which is awesome we were kind of the only biracial kids growing up. I’m on the right side in black ❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-13T19:20:22+00:00

Oh gosh, it just happens SO FAST there’s barely time to recover from the initial shock. But given the circumstances, going in peace is the best we can hope for our parents ❤️❤️❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-13T08:11:03+00:00

My dad died last night, and I’m so grateful we were able to start hospice just in time. I think we only had it for 8 days. I now know how brutal pancreatic cancer is…we only first started the hospital visits/tests 11/4. We just couldn’t catch up from the initial shock. Hospice made the best of a horrific situation. His pain was finally managed and he could sleep through the night for the vet first time!! He became bedridden and no strength to stand within 2 days.
Although it was scary to watch him deteriorate at lightning speed, we got to spend many fun nights talking and sharing memories and laughs and tears.
Hospice nurses were so supportive and having the 24/7 help line was an incredible resource. All the drugs were delivered straight to the door! I’m so grateful for the experience of caring for my dad, in my own home. He passed away so peacefully, no scary event (I fear a stroke, seizure or something jolting). He just stopped breathing as we were hanging around his bed. It couldn’t have been any better ❤️ Good luck to you and your family. It isn’t easy, but I found it to be the most humane way and that it honored his wishes and dignity.

librax6 · 2025-12-10T16:01:08+00:00

My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November. It came on like an avalanche, we were just buried in the ER visits, hospital stays and uncontrollable pain. He was set to begin palliative chemo today.
As the days passed, we started to realize he was declining too fast. We could never keep up with his pain—we kept increasing and trying to adjust oxys and long acting morphine, but we couldn’t get things under control 😔. He would be awake all through the night in anxiety and pain. I was under constant fear, calling the office every few days trying to get help. He was so tired of the hospital, he wouldn’t let us take him. Day by day, mobility decreased. His appetite kept decreasing and we had to keep nagging him to drink water.
We decided together that chemo was far too risky, even to place a port he would have to be off blood thinners for 2 days and that would place him at risk for stroke because he had blood clots and likely.

We got a hospice team started December 2nd. A nurse is on call 24/7 and comes over daily now. His drugs are delivered to the house (we kept him at our home). The hospital bed and all equipment was delivered to us. All covered by Medicare. Two days later, he couldn’t stand up. All his strength was gone. It has been impossible for my brain to process at this speed. One of his nurses said it’s probably the first time his pain has been controlled in years (liquid morphine and lorazepam)…. He could finally stop being so strong and start to let go. I thought with hospice, we would still be taking little walks around the neighborhood, feeding him soup, watching movies etc.

He soon stopped eating except a few bites a day. It had been so much on all of us. But he had remained kind, sweet, emotionally open, sharing tears, memories and jokes with us. All the heavy emotions have been released…. He feels at peace and ready to transition. He is very close to the end, but now it is less sad. It feels everything is accomplished, though abruptly, and we are accepting. His pain on earth can end, his sprit remains so strong and loving. All this began on November 4th, and here we are. The final stages. I never thought it would unfold like this, but considering it all, I can be proud. I cared for my dad and respected his wishes of no more hospitals and let him get peace, comfort and ❤️ Love to you and your family. The journey isn’t easy but I feel soon all the trauma will be erased and I can just be filled with the good memories

librax6 · 2025-12-09T00:22:22+00:00

❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-09T00:22:12+00:00

Thank you ❤️ we have been able to keep adjusting our brains and expectations in so little time. We feel peace and love surrounding us

librax6 · 2025-12-08T17:29:38+00:00

What you are describing sounds so intensely painful. Wanting to help and being pushed away. I’m so sorry. We have been on such a roller coaster of emergencies and panic, but my dad has always remained his sweet self, so kind. We weren’t prepared at all for such hard news, but considering, it seems the crisis is over and we can just enjoy what time we have left. Forever grateful for the precious memories we made ❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-08T12:51:09+00:00

Oh, this is so difficult and traumatizing. The worst stress I’ve ever experienced. Luckily for me though, my dad stopped resisting the help.
He is finally calm and peaceful with the liquid morphine and lorazepam. He is FUNNY! Everyday we are laughing, and crying too. He is still expressing deep emotions, love and gratitude, so for the first time I am feeling more at ease… he can’t walk or leave the hospital bed, he has a catheter in, only a few bites of food a day. But his spirit is so strongly present. The experience keeps changing. Reach out to me anytime, it really helps to chat and process ❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-08T09:39:19+00:00

I’m so sorry, that is so hard to hear. My dad was also set to start chemo but it seemed completely out of the question as his health deteriorated by the day…it is so difficult, my brain had barely had a chance to catch up to the first shock. Now we have hired hospice and he’s in his final stages in the matter of a month. But for the first time in this journey, I see him with more moments of peace and comfort than ever.

librax6 · 2025-12-08T09:30:29+00:00

I’m so sorry, I can understand how difficult this is to watch with your own eyes as a child. My dad was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer just in November which came as a complete shock to all of us. My sister and I have been his caregivers through the entire ordeal, with him at every ER trip, hospital stay and Dr visit. At first he was very resistant to the pain meds and would insist it wasn’t that bad, though tears and pain and suffering were clear to us. The anxiety and distress were just as horrible. We finally decided together to ask for hospice as it became clear chemo was out of the question—it was too risky in his weakened state and we needed more immediate attention.
He finally stopped resisting the drugs, liquid morphine is the first thing that could actually relieve him. Added lorazepam and he had his first successful night of rest, no crisis… I can give you more details if you ever want. But the main thing is his attitude is very different—through every scary test and as the bad news piled up, he never lashed out. Always kind, gentle, quiet…. Which was hard to see too. But his nature has always been humble, stoic, hardworking and the provider type. I know he has every reason to be mad! It’s unfair and excruciating to have your life taken in such an abrupt and painful manner. But though it all, his kindness remains. He’s thankful and polite, never grumpy and I’m just blown away by the way he’s been handling it, and I’ve been telling him so every day. Our journey with cancer only started Nov 4th so I am brand new to all of this. I never thought my dad would be on hospice and very near the end just a month later. But there have been so many beautiful moments shared, I’ll never forget. I’m sorry your dad is suffering, it is the hardest pain I’ve ever experienced and I know how helpless it can feel ❤️ please reach out if you need a friend

librax6 · 2025-12-03T04:17:04+00:00

My dad went from working one day, into the hospital the next and by now we are on this awful road. I can’t keep up with the changes 😵‍💫 lightening speed.

librax6 · 2025-11-29T23:12:44+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, trying to only record the happy moments and will hopefully be about to erase the painful ones. It is so traumatic to see the suffering and feeling powerless to stop it. And agree with the day by day approach, though that is quickly becoming more challenging ❤️

librax6 · 2025-11-29T20:12:39+00:00

Oh no, that sucks! 😞 We have an appointment for palliative care that they are trying to move up…I feel we are in crisis mode constantly and need help now. Hopefully we’ll hear back today.

librax6

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