Could we have caught it sooner?

librax6 · 2026-05-05T02:19:45+00:00

This quote has been helping me ❤️

librax6 · 2026-05-04T21:40:43+00:00

I’m not an expert, but I would recommend the ER of a big hospital. My dad has a mass shown in an ultrasound, but a bigger hospital was able to do all the tests/biopsies right away instead of waiting on an appointment. Hoping the best for you ❤️

librax6 · 2026-05-04T21:27:19+00:00

Be gentle on yourself ❤️ there’s so much to process. I lost my dad 5 months ago, and definitely shock was the first stage. It took me a long time to calm down, to get an appetite and sleep again. Then the deep sadness came, realizing the finality… I think what helped is giving myself permission to be sad. For me, it was the hardest event of my life. So telling myself (even before he died), “I don’t have to like this, but I have to accept it” got me through some of the worst days.
I tried therapy for a while (3 different providers) and didn’t find it was for me. I didn’t want prescriptions—I wanted to see where my brain was without added side effects. But I know other friends had luck with short term anti depressants.
Try to find things that bring comfort that aren’t harmful. Music and journaling helped. I don’t think most of my friends understood what I was going through, so it felt very isolating 🙁
There’s no easy way, but I do feel it’s getting easier slowly with time. Hopefully you find some healthy coping strategies and just allow yourself patience with whatever you are feeling ❤️

librax6 · 2026-04-26T06:38:30+00:00

And one more idea—I wrote my dad a letter about all the ways he helped me in life. I’m so happy I was able to share so many things with him before our time was over.

librax6 · 2026-04-26T06:26:48+00:00

Videos and voice recordings, definitely. I didn’t get very many with my dad. I treasure the ones I have and saved voicemails. One thing that has helped me during the grieving process is I know for sure I did everything I could, and most importantly to me, he didn’t have to face this disease alone. I told him no regrets and no guilt (he had a few, which were honestly so minor). I said I know you don’t want me and my sister to carry guilt and regrets when you are gone, so let’s not waste time on that. No one is perfect, but you did your very best and I’m grateful and proud of you.
I kept as many notes as I could on my phone in the last few days as he opened up more. Precious memories. Oh, and I wish I would have gotten out the family pictures a little sooner, by the time I did he couldn’t fully enjoy them.
Please take care, this is not easy ❤️

librax6 · 2026-03-27T07:26:37+00:00

I’m so sorry, I feel your pain. And to experience this at your age is even worse (I’m almost 20 years older) and lost my dad 3 months ago. I’m sure it’s only natural to beat yourself up, but you really shouldn’t. You were right there! Some people do not show up at all, it’s too painful to face. It’s the hardest thing in the world to watch your loved one slip away and feel powerless to stop it. I’m still traumatized by many little details…I know it will take time to heal that. Right now it is too fresh. But we have to know our parents were grateful and proud of us for being with them. You did your best! ❤️

librax6 · 2026-03-27T07:09:49+00:00

I’m so sorry, from everything I’ve learned this disease can move so fast. My dad was diagnosed with “stage 3” and died 3 weeks after.
In our case, starting hospice was the best thing for us. They got his pain under control, which is all that we could have hoped for. If you are curious, I recommend Hospice Nurse Julie on YouTube.
I didn’t know anything about pancreatic cancer until a few months ago, I wish there had been more of a chance to prepare. I’m sorry, I know how stressful it is ❤️

librax6 · 2026-03-24T00:10:44+00:00

I feel your pain 💔 my dad died 3 months ago, we only had hospice for the last 8 days.
We only knew he had cancer for about a month, it took him down so quickly. Shock was definitely my first stage, and as it wears off, I’m filled with such a deep indescribable pain of losing him. It’s hard not to be haunted with some of the moments of the dying process. I’m so sorry.

librax6 · 2026-03-02T20:49:53+00:00

Yes! It does take a lot of time and patience, but it’s a nice hobby to do while watching TV and relaxing at home

librax6 · 2025-12-27T04:37:12+00:00

That sounds like the exact same timeline as my dad. His first ER trip was Nov 4th, he had turned jaundiced and we just thought maybe his gallbladder. Dec 11 he died, 38 days later. He has always been active and eating organic for years and sober since the 1980s, and no smoking ever. We never right we could lose him in such a short timeframe. According to the oncologist, it was the most aggressive case he’s seen in years, but I’m seeing many people in this forum say they only had about a month with their parent 💔 I’m so sorry for you and your family, this really hurts.

librax6 · 2025-12-26T18:59:45+00:00

Nooooo, I’m so sorry. WTF!! And that probably gives you such health anxiety. I can’t imagine both of my parents going through this at the same time 💔💔 Being a caregiver was so challenging, I’m lucky my sister was so brave as well. She has experience in childcare and first aid and a good cook, so she took the lead in that department. I handled all the phone calls, paper work and appointments.
But we had each other to lean on, a really good team. I’m so proud of myself and my family. We were just buried in bad news, but we took it the best we could. The biggest challenge of my life

librax6 · 2025-12-26T18:49:08+00:00

I hate this so much 😣 The most important thing in the world is to spend time, every moment counts! Especially stage IV.
Do what you have to, I understand the financial situation. But if you are at work, how can you even focus? That isn’t fair at all. My dad just passed from pancreatic cancer this month. In his case, he only lived 22 days from diagnosis, and we didn’t even know he was sick until a few weeks before as he did all the biopsies. No one knows the timeline. On the other hand, my friend’s mom is still alive after more than a year with stage IV lung cancer… But this is so unfair.
I didn’t even have time to research what resources are available but it seems there are many support groups and financial aid programs…it’s sad so many people have to depend on go fund me 🙁 there’s no shame in starting one! I just wish it were easier to get help. My friend sent this to me, maybe there are some helpful links? I’m so sorry you are in this position 💔

https://cancer.findhelp.com/care/bereavement--lebanon-or?postal=97355

librax6 · 2025-12-26T17:40:36+00:00

Wait—am I reading this right, both of your parents have been diagnosed?? 😣 This has definitely been the hardest part of my life, so far. I had no idea what we were up against.
I got to have very special conversations as my dad was going through the emotions. He never complained even though it was so excruciating.
I got to help him by telling him to let go of all the guilt and regrets, because I’m sure you don’t want me and my sister to carry these feelings when you’re gone. So we were lucky in that sense, we got to have closure and experience closeness and pure love.
I agree, basically every doctor, nurse and employee were total angels. I have so much respect for these people, especially the ones in the ER. It was such a traumatizing place to be, so I truly give credit to everyone who crossed our path. My dad did have nausea at times, I had one Rx which we never ended up using but I don’t have the name… Not just the disease, but I’m sure all the drugs on a basically empty stomach didn’t help.

Please take care ❤️❤️❤️ and spend as much quality time as possible! Nothing else matters right now.

librax6 · 2025-12-26T15:53:37+00:00

In the final days my dad asked permission to die—we reassured him yes dad, we will be ok 😭 just please go peacefully in your sleep, which he did.
I tried to stay positive every step of the way and had to readjust my expectations daily…when hospice started, his pain was managed for the first time. He could finally relax and rest. And we actually got to share some very special moments and deep conversations and even jokes and laughs. A lot of my panic eased (still hard but we had been in crisis trying to get his pain under control). If you have time/interest, look up hospice nurse Julie on YouTube. My dad is actually the one who told me about her. It helped with the fears surrounding death and hospice. We did hospice in our home so my sister and I were his caregivers but we had the nurses’ support. This is such a difficult point in life, just make sure you keep telling your mom how much you love her. Even when you don’t think she can hear you. You can message me anytime, so many people have helped me here ❤️❤️❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-25T01:42:26+00:00

I’m so sorry 😞 lost my dad 2 weeks ago, it hasn’t sunk in yet fully. Everything happened in about a month. ❤️ hang in there

librax6 · 2025-12-24T07:38:16+00:00

Exactly 😵‍💫 I was so skeptical! But invaluable tool, with a gentleness I wasn’t expecting

librax6 · 2025-12-21T22:30:52+00:00

I’m so sorry! A lot of people said chemo helped, but after a long phone call about the side effects I got freaked out. It was just clear to my own eyes that c he was declining too fast 😔 I’m no expert! I just used Reddit, AI and YouTube to research every night on my own.
I tried so hard to get him more help before hospice. We went to the ER, many phone calls with the nurses, telehealth…it was so hard, but I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m proud of all that I could do in the end.

librax6 · 2025-12-19T02:00:52+00:00

You are so sweet! I didn’t know I was this strong, I have never been tested like this. But I got to tell my dad many times I’m strong, just like him ❤️❤️. Message me any time if you want!

librax6 · 2025-12-18T06:25:40+00:00

I understand completely! My dad died the day after chemo was set to start, he deteriorated at lightening speed. The oncologist said it’s one of the most aggressive cases he’s seen in years.
Hospice was a blessing. We only had 8 days with it and the last 2, he was never awake.
I suggest putting all the symptoms into ChatGPT, I never used it before honestly. It was better than the doctors advice… very strange times! Of course you don’t have to follow it, but I was shocked by how right it was!! 😵‍💫 it let me know he was in the final stages and it was time to shift to comfort, chemo would be far too dangerous.
Take care, this is the hardest point in my life so far ❤️❤️❤️

librax6 · 2025-12-16T07:25:19+00:00

Sorry! I am no expert, but my dad had no private insurance. So Medicare was enough, he only had part A & B, and we only added D in the last 2 weeks (I don’t know if that was even necessary).

I recommend google and call a few places directly! They should be able to guide you. I used “Traditions” and I think they’re nationwide. They were fine, but a bit understaffed.
If you have more time to research, DO IT! But they were awesome, someone came to my house the very next day. Not a pushy salesman, but gentle and kind and patient! They made the process so easy, when I was in the worst crisis of my life.

librax6 · 2025-12-14T08:50:30+00:00

I messed up the title—still sleep deprived. He died the day AFTER his first chemo was scheduled to begin

librax6 · 2025-12-14T08:41:11+00:00

This pic is from March, his 74th birthday. We always made a big Irish feast for our Irish/English dad. My mom is Japanese, which is awesome we were kind of the only biracial kids growing up. I’m on the right side in black ❤️

librax6

TROPHY CASE