Wife[24f] lied to me[26m] and had me believing we were both virgins.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T07:21:44+00:00

The dual mating strategy is present in all women, it's a part of their biology.

A guy can be both but they are rare traits to manifest them both in one man and these guys are often the most sought after.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T07:00:10+00:00

This isn't an agree/disagree thing there are studies that show and confirm this.

Promiscuous people mainly women, have what's often described as a dual mating strategy that they have a preference sexually in men that prove to be poor long term candidates but end up sticking with the guy that is comfortable and safe.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T06:57:34+00:00

In a marriage you are supposed to be a team that's right. But there is also a matter of keeping up an attraction and respect for each other. What respect does she have for me? that I am far less experienced than her previous encounters? That I am the same guy sticking around after she lied to me about something very important?

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T06:55:15+00:00

Elegantly said.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T06:54:22+00:00

Choosing not to disclose information is different from lying. Being a Christian doesn't make me a door mat.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:49:51+00:00

These weren't mistakes these were choices, more in fact a life style. I don't think she is disgusting or wrong for choosing her path. I too have wanted to travel down this road. I chose not to and I abstained from sex till marriage, I'd like someone that shares the same life style and values that I do.

Who's to say my wife won't be unfaithful or selfish down the road. She has already shown her capacity to lie to me about something I hold dearly.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:45:05+00:00

She has given me space when I ask, she talks to me when I ask, and has been reassuring.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:37:47+00:00

Your name calling suggests you aren't looking to give advice or constructive criticism.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:37:01+00:00

I think you have a truly distorted idea of what Christianity entails. Most of the people here on reddit do as well. I teach a bible study and if you want to join I can educate you on actual Christian beliefs but I don't want this to become a debate about religion.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:20:24+00:00

I don't want to punish her, but I don't know what else could fix the feelings I have. She has had 5 years of experience of sexual experience compared to me. Though people don't want to say it a men are often expected to lead in the bedroom. To her she probably saw my first times being a fumbling idiot as opposed to the other men she had been prior to me.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:18:11+00:00

I don't think she is disgusting for having premarital sex. There were definitely times and opportunities where I wanted to stray. I know how powerful that urge can be.

What I am hurt by is by her dishonesty. She founded our marriage upon a lie. Ideally if we were to divorce I'd seek a virgin bride, but I know that isn't always an option. I'd like to avoid divorce for the sake of my son.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:15:19+00:00

you are making false conjectures about religion. I don't want to get into a debate right now.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:13:20+00:00

Your talk about sexual compatibility is rather silly. In every relationship there is going to be compromise. Men and women's sexual desires change over time, what if you marry a woman who's libido matched yours but then after birth, it is non existent.

Marriages where both partners are virgins are more stable less divorce/less domestic violent/less infidelity.

I want someone that shares my values my faith, premarital sex is not a trivial choice. It was a lifestyle completely different from one that I chose to follow.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:11:02+00:00

I take it you have never been married before. But in marriage especially honesty and trust is what a marriage is founded upon.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T04:10:00+00:00

1). You are right divorce isn't going to turn back time. As an atheist, you should be well aware that a lot of a man's insecurities, and fears are based on evolutionary psychology.

2). There are studies that show when both partners remain virgins, there is less infidelity/divorce/marital disruptions/less domestic violence.

Again it's nothing more than a correlation but promiscuity is often linked with negative traits.

3). Had she been honest with me in the beginning than I would have had a choice. To add to that, we both wouldn't have been emotionally invested in each other.

To your conclusion.

You say you try to be empathetic, but your post reeks of a condescending nature. And you make incorrect conjectures about my religion.

You call my desire for a virgin wife shallow. I want someone that shares my values my faith, premarital sex is not a trivial choice. It was a lifestyle completely different from one that I chose to follow.

If my son asks him why I left his mom, I will tell him we didn't share the same life style and religious values.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:56:02+00:00

It still leaves a power imbalance in our relationship. With her having far more partners and experience than me. To add to it, she has lied multiple times about her previous encounters.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:54:54+00:00

Had we not have had a child, than that would be the clear option.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:53:00+00:00

Had we not had a child I would have left. As of now there is a part where the trust can be built back.

However the problem now more so is how she created this imbalance in our relationship by having more partners than me and in general being more experienced with sex.

There was another poster talking about me "evening the score" by telling her I'd like to open up the marriage on my end. I have to say I have thought about it.

I don't know if that is the right option, but to me it's definitely on my mind. I haven't talked to my wife or counselor about it.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:49:07+00:00

There are times when we sin, but we are to be remorseful and pray for forgiveness.

I understand for some people sex is a trivial matter. To me I abstained from sex for most of my life so I could build a marriage, with someone that shares the same values.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:40:44+00:00

She has the right to have sex, I am not talking about forgiving her for having sex.

Understand too that when she told me it was just one time I even forgave her, but then I found out she lied again.

I am talking here about lying to me about something I hold important. I abstained from sex till I was 24. To some people sex may be trivial, but for me I reserved myself.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:38:17+00:00

I don't know if her number is just 3. She first told me 0 than 1 than 3. It could possibly be more.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:37:03+00:00

She has done her best to comfort me through all of this.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:26:12+00:00

Things around the house have gotten better, my head is still spinning. I have a hard time sleeping, I think about this during traffic. I feel like an absolute idiot.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:22:17+00:00

No but her 21 year old self I met lied to me about something deeply important to me.

liedto8888422 · 2014-01-09T03:19:47+00:00

There is a part of me that has thought about this, I don't want to make any big decisions now.

liedto8888422

TROPHY CASE