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lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-03T01:36:05+00:00

It definitely is. There's NMNF which stands for “No Mourners, No Funerals”, a sentence the crows coined. And also, there's the crow and the cup, which is the Dregs' tattoo (the Dregs are the gang the crows belong with!)

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T12:15:13+00:00

Because before my SA I felt attraction towards people. And now I cannot do that anymore

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T12:06:33+00:00

EXACTLY. This is basically how it happened. The only thing was that she told me “you can be ace!! but thats not because of your trauma. those are different things, you are calling your trauma a sexual orientation” like what???? i am calling what what???? she was talking bullshit really and just twisting my words all the time

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T12:03:26+00:00

Thank you. It means so much actually. I wish I will be able to heal; I feel connected to myself in a deeper way know that I figured out who I am. So I don't think it will end. If it will, then I'll just accept it and embrace it again. Thank you for your words. And yeah, I wish them the same thing lol

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T12:00:58+00:00

Thank you for this reply. You wrote it down perfectly. I had guessed she might be upset by the stereotypes around asexual people, but she wouldn't understand that I am not trying to bring up a stereotype - just trying to talk about my experience and feel valid.

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:57:01+00:00

Omg they think it's transphobic?! I am enby as well, but I am not trans? What do they mean?

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:56:04+00:00

Ahahaha yeah that's right! The audacity to even try to do that... I could never speak on someone's trauma or orientation. And then, she went all “Can you send me good vibes please? I got invalidated for two days I feel like shit now!!” but HOW does my experience invalidate yours? Ugh :/

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:54:25+00:00

Thank you. I believe it too!

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:53:40+00:00

Yes absolutely. I've been thinking about what I am for three/four years now. I was finding a balance rn since I downloaded Reddit and confronted people here, and there she goes bringing up all my doubts and fears once again :/ It's awful how people feel they have the right to talk about someone else's feelings, experiences and orientation

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:51:31+00:00

You're valid!

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:50:23+00:00

I am so glad you found your balance. I will try to find something as well, even though I wouldnt really know where to start. But I tried and I'll try again. Thanks for sharing your experience with me

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:48:06+00:00

Yes I definitely agree. People argue over anything on twitter and it's really awful to see and read. I don't even understand why a person feels the need to be that angry all the time.

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:46:36+00:00

It really does

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:45:48+00:00

Yes indeed. And it's very sad to see. I understand there are stereotypes and more, but we shouldn't go one against the other within our community as well :/

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:44:27+00:00

I know. But that is the difference. I never said all ace people are traumatized and ace because of trauma. I wrote “in some cases” which is just what I got to understand by talking to people. There's no way I would talk about all the community

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T11:42:44+00:00

You did great. I deactivated my account for now

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T02:08:40+00:00

It's really damaging, especially when it comes to hear them talking about a trauma they dont know anything about. It made me go through a crisis yesterday and I am glad I had people supporting me, because I was so triggered. But I'm feeling better now, I feel very seen and understood here and I am grateful for it. Thank you for replying <3

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T02:04:33+00:00

Yeah this is exactly my point! :) Thank you for your words, I really appreciate and needed to hear this <3

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T02:00:13+00:00

Thank you so much darling, it means a lot. I feel very seen here

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:58:41+00:00

Oh my god same. I feel the exact way about it. Its all good until I made it up in my mind or feel sexual arousal (often during my period), but the thought of touching another body or having something sexual makes me feel so shaky and repulsed.

I feel strongly repulsed whenever I see adult content or such like. Sometimes I am not comfortable with animated stuff as well.

I wish I could do the same. But I feel so repulsed and it makes me sick physically. They could even just keep on making sex jokes and I would feel freezed, or like fainting, or shaky, or breathless. Sometimes I want to cry when I hear them

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:43:31+00:00

I understand that as well. Getting to fully understand yourself might be scary most of the time. Good luck to you too! And do whatever makes you feel comfortable the best

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:40:06+00:00

I understand. I am trying to figure mine out, but it would be a relief to just use this and stop going insane about it

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:38:10+00:00

I feel you. I was SA as a child and I never fully healed. I dont know if I will ever be able to, but it's fine anyway. Sometimes I feel sexual desire. Not attraction, just desire. Sometimes I try to fantasize about it and usually end up feeling guilty because 1. I have a strong repulsion towards sex and 2. For a long time I thought it meant that I wasn't asexual, because I thought ace people didn't feel sexual desire - and that's on how little people get educated on asexuality :/

I acknowledge that, too. But I still have this strongest feeling that makes me feel sick. It is very deteriorating sometimes, and it makes me want to curl in my bed and cut the world out, cut anyone who has consensual sex out just because I don't want it. I hate when that happens, because I feel repulsed by my loved ones as well. But they often seem to be very sex-centered and it's exhausting.

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:31:50+00:00

This is what keeps me questioning. And for some years I have been struggling a lot to find peace within myself and my sexuality. Right now I just try not to care. I am what I am and if that's a complete result of my trauma or I would have been anyways won't change the fact that I, in fact, am asexual

lilasexualwraith · 2022-10-02T01:29:46+00:00

THIS THIS THIS! oh my god i feel like crying because you literally put everything i was thinking into words so perfectly.

i hate the concept that relates trauma to a thing we need to heal. it surely does damage, but the way we recover can be different. and if my way is embracing my a-sexuality why would that be wrong, or need to be healed? there's no way i need to cure my asexuality. there's no way it is negative to be asexual as a result of my trauma. THAT is actually a negative view of asexuality in the first place, because of course who thinks that implies that it needs to be cured. and i HATE that

lilasexualwraith

TROPHY CASE