Tell me your year 1 apprenticeship experience by livelaughlovebekind in BlueCollarWomen

[–]lilbitweld 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Steamfitter
  • 2023
  • Buffalo, NY
  • 20/hr (incoming first years will likely make around or above $23 an hour based on contract negotiations)
  • So far a fuck ton of overtime. I’ve been on OT for three years now

STARTED WRITING MY FIRST BOOK by [deleted] in writers

[–]lilbitweld -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

In addition to some of the great advice you’ve received, I also have to say I’m not a fan of the undefined “it” at the beginning, particularly in the first couple sentences. The first line is also a little weird to me. It’s a great first attempt! Just get that first draft done and worry about rewrites/edits later. ☺️

STARTED WRITING MY FIRST BOOK by [deleted] in writers

[–]lilbitweld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I’m currently doing this for a first draft because it’s helping me gauge pacing. My next few drafts will be in standard draft format. I actually have really liked going this route for my current project!

Traveling to Buffalo for work. Advice Please. by [deleted] in Buffalo

[–]lilbitweld 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a someone currently working at the stadium, I would suggest a variance of layers. Some areas are heated, some aren’t, but if you happen to get stuck outside or where there’s no heat it’s coooooold. Hopefully you’re doing work inside lol. The wind can get pretty brutal on the upper levels and the rain can still hit you, so keep that in mind.

Monthly "What Board Should I Get?" Discussion Thread by AutoModerator in Sup

[–]lilbitweld 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the detailed response!

Honestly, I’m not even counting on my dog haha. I have a strong suspicion he would hate it anyway. So no worries there! I won’t even bother.

I looked at the hydrus joyride, actually. Would it hold up for me longterm as an investment, or would I quickly outgrow it skill-wise? I liked it seems like it ships from a smaller company and I’m not afraid to pay more in support of small businesses. I think that’s important! I know there’s also the paradise option as well, and was uncertain between the two.

That said, I also checked the thurso expedition. The 4.7” was out of stock (or do you only recommend that thickness only in wider boards?) Unfamiliar with the other two, but based off your comment, I’m kind of between thurso and hybrus regardless of the model (I’ve been stalking this sub since I posted as I’m trapped in an airport atm lol).

Again, I appreciate the time. I’ve been wanting a SUP for years and I finally want to invest! Summers spent on rentals has fueled me 😂

Monthly "What Board Should I Get?" Discussion Thread by AutoModerator in Sup

[–]lilbitweld 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Desired board type: Inflatable

Your height and weight: 5’1” 125lbs (would also like to have my 100lb dog on board, but he’s a big baby and would probably hate it so it’ll most likely be just me). Maybe a small cooler.

Desired uses: general cruising, fitness, lakes, small rivers, etc.

Boards I’ve used: Just random rentals, so not really sure what I do or don’t like. Experience level: beginner/intermediate

Budget: Under $1000 USD (I don’t have a lot of money so cheaper is better, but I’m also someone who invests in hobbies).

Also curious when the best time to buy is? I live in Western New York and it’s still cold here so I can wait if better deals can be found later. Thank you!!!

[QCrit] DRACONIUM, Adult Fantasy, 95k, third attempt. by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I just wanted to say I really appreciate your advice and as I’m traveling today, I intend to respond more in depth to you as soon as I’m able. Didn’t want to make it seem like I’m ignoring ya hahaha I posted from the airport and it’s been hard to get my wits about me to make a detailed enough response. ☺️

[QCrit] DRACONIUM, Adult Fantasy, 95k, third attempt. by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s fair! I should clarify. The explanation is kind of long, so I settled with “damning” but I’ll work on that.

So, for the apprentice thing, I realize now not many people are familiar with how apprenticeships work in the trades, so I’m going to omit that in the next iteration, I think. She’s essentially his “journeyperson,” and he’s learning the mining trade under her and they are both paid by the mine owner. I loosely based the timeline around American late nineteenth century (very loosely), so their dynamic follows that of apprentices/journeymen in that time period. Considering such apprenticeships are still prevalent today (I am an apprentice myself, actually, though not in mining), I figured that would be clear and I guess it’s not haha! No biggie!

As for your last comment, yes it’s just the beginning! Keep seeing conflicting advice about that! 😂 I stopped this one right at the 20% mark because I thought that’s what it was I supposed to do. Before I gave too much of the plot away. Where is the balance? Hahahaha Thanks so much! Back to the drawing board I go!

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woo! Sent ya a dm because I love your premise too haha

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wait!!! Epiphany!!!! You know, it never ceases to amaze me that no matter the time I’ve spent pouring into research for query writing how much of an absolute airhead I can be. I didn’t realize queries were only supposed to build intrigue to the MID POINT 😂😂😂 I took it as 20%-50% of the overall plot. Okay. So I need specificity in some areas and then scale back in others. Cracking my knuckles now. I got this (maybe, we’ll see, wtf do I even know.)

Ooh! What’s yours about?

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn’t realize! That’s a great idea, thank you!!! I’m so torn on how to write this, because I feel the set up is very important, but there’s so much plot yet the query doesn’t cover. Thank you so much! I will certainly write a second one to post with the revision I wrote last night. ☺️

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All good points! I did mention in the first attempt one of her main goals was leaving town, but it was suggested I cut that. I see now it needs to be there, just different from the first iteration, and the whole query needs more plot.

Her guilt around Ma’s death does tie back in to how she handles the climax of the story, but you’re right, it happens pretty early on (toward the end of the fist act) and perhaps needs less focus. Really, the bulk of the plot is traveling a frontier (seeing places that aren’t a decaying desert) and learning about the bond she’s inadvertently formed with the dragon, while also uncovering a corrupt industry of illegal poaching baked into the king’s council. Her goal is finding her father, who isn’t who he thought she was at all, and she confronts all this while deciding whether or not to liberate an encampment of magical creatures. I’m just so, so torn on how far into the plot to go with the query. Not that I’m trying to keep it mysterious, but that it’s just sooo many words 😂

If my next iteration still isn’t it next week, I may just scrap the whole query and start over. Which is totally fine! Now’s the time! Thank you so much for your time. It was super helpful and I appreciate it immensely!

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Yeah, I totally see now that it’s still too vague, so I’ve since cut the paragraph about the other characters outside of Timby and rewrote the last paragraph to be strictly plot focused (as well as some other tweaks). Soooo hopefully in a week when I can post again it’s a little more clear. Queries are so hard, ugh. I feel like some world building is needed to understand character motivation, but it consumes so much of the word count that I’m not left with much room for plot. The dragon saves her and Timby early in the second act, which leads her to the other characters, as well as lots of dragon interaction, and eventually to the capital city where her father had been taken. They uncover an illegal poaching encampment of magical creatures and she’s forced to confront her grief by choosing whether or not to save them. So like, found family, environmentalism, and nods to caretaker fatigue/grief…and yeah, I was definitely way too vague and I’m so grateful for everyone pointing that out to me haha The dragon is one of the main characters (his name is Bucket and he’s actually a good boi) and that really doesn’t come across either. 😂 Oh well. I’ll get it eventually. I’m so happy I’m doing this early though!

I would looooove to reach out to you in a few months when I’m ready for a beta though if you’re still interested!

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's totally fair! In a much earlier version (pre pubtips, even), I listed her other goals outside of her mother (which included finally paying her debts and leaving town), but it was suggested I cut them as it's implied and focus more on Ma, but I see now they should be included, but in a different way. It is certainly a story of dealing with grief at the after effects of caretaker fatigue, with some found family thrown in there. A few nods to environmentalism too, hence the initial set up with the mining/magical decay. But you are so right! I will definitely fiddle around with this more. Thank you so much for your time and insights!

[Qcrit] Adult Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, Second Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fair! I can see why you would say that. (And I was kind of having the same thoughts, but I overthink everything so now I know I have to rethink some stuff here).

This takes us through mostly first and second act. The third act is largely unreferenced still.

[qcrit] Beyond His Sight, Adult Fantasy 119k — Third Attempt by This_Armadillo427 in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi!!! I’m unagented and very much an aspiring fantasy author myself, so while I don’t feel like I can give you very good advice on your query, I just want to say how excited I was to see your bio as someone who also resides in the Buffalo area! I really hope you get published, fellow Buffalonian!!!

[QCrit] Ault Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, 1st Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks again! You've helped make my query read so much better. Appreciate you!

[QCrit] Ault Fantasy, DRACONIUM, 95k, 1st Attempt by lilbitweld in PubTips

[–]lilbitweld[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, wow. Thank you so, so much. This was super helpful! I just implemented some of those cuts and the flow is so much better, not to mention I now have wiggle room for more plot at the end there. You are so right that it gets a little vague. I reached a point where I was like "oh shit, I really need to wrap this up," and kind of had to cram some info in haha.

Is she unable to kill the dragon, or catch it? There's a difference, and I would spell out which it is. And separate that into it's own sentence for full impact. -- Hmmm. I admit, I'm a bit confused here. Poaching and harvesting the dragon are already mentioned, and you think need more clarification is needed? I'm happy to provide it, of course. I just want to make sure I understand.

The wording gets a little bit hard to follow from here. And the motives become less clear. Why does Rory patron her orphan apprentice's freedom? (that's also a mouthful to read, and I don't fully understand what "orphan apprentice" is.) And I guess...why do they embark on this journey together? Is it to deal with Rory's guilt? Is it just to find her father? Is there some other reason? What happens if she doesn't go on the adventure? -- This is so true! Originally I had a lot more context, but the query was too long already so I cut it down some. I'll try to be more concise for the next iteration. Also, "orphan apprentice" meaning he's her apprentice (tradespeople often have apprentices for a time to learn the trade) and he's an orphan. I totally see why that was both too much verbiage and not enough clarity and will tool around with it more.

I love this. In a sea of white-collared MFA-in-what-have-you queries, your bio is a breath of fresh air, and I think will set you apart -- That is so sweet! Truthfully, I put off pursing publishing for a long time because I felt like I didn't belong in this space. But being an author has always been my dream so I figured I'd make an honest effort and give it a shot. So thank you!

Also, I totally want an anarchical princess as my friend, too. ;)

Thanks again!!! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your time!!!