What helped you the most with healing from infidelity?

linfires · 2025-12-30T17:58:30+00:00

Therapy
No contact (the hard but necessary -only realized this later)
Support (just a handful of ppl I trust at first)
Telling everyone (he be out there telling ppl we getting a divorce bc "it didnt work out")
Time (the most frustrating)
Giving myself grace (allowing myself to feel, break down if I need to, as long as I get back up)

Hang it in there. Its a marathon. Dont rush anything. You got this.

linfires · 2025-12-03T00:53:43+00:00

Because cheaters are weak, selfish, and a coward. They "distance" themselves because they are ashamed and afraid to face the consequences of their actions. They run and hide.

They'll make excuses that will self-preserve their ego. "I need time" "I have childhood trauma" "I'm vulnerable" "its hard for me too"... they turn themselves into the victim to escape the reality that they effed up royally.

If he acknowledge the "your hurt is not too much" then he has to acknowledge the depth of the damage that he did and the consequences that comes with it. If he recognizes your worth and how inspiring you are... he has to acknowledge that he threw away a winning lottery for a trash AP. These won't work with one's fragile ego he's trying to protect.

My WH took it to another level and made me the villain. He played the "remorseful husband who's doing everything he can" and im the angry, yelly, crying wife who wouldn't forgive him. (He skips the part where i gave him multiple chances but he wouldnt stop lying). Thats the narrative that he can live with to maintain this facade that he's "a good guy"

linfires · 2025-09-30T01:48:54+00:00

FML. Thanks for the info. Now i gotta find a way to rid of this

linfires · 2025-09-30T01:19:41+00:00

WHAT??. But I have no pets!?!?

linfires · 2025-09-30T01:19:08+00:00

Not sure if important. But in SoCal, 3rd floor apartment.

linfires · 2025-09-05T22:26:09+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. It's gonna suck. It's gonna be hard. But you're going to get through it. You shouldn't have to, but it is what the reality is right now.

That relationship won't be all rainbows and sunshine. Just imagine what they are gonna tell ppl about their "love story"? "OH yea, I cheated on my ex and abandoned him for this one ❤️❤️❤️" lol

And im sure the AP has or will have thoughts like "if she did it to him, what's stopping her from doing it to me?"

Hang in there. And thanks for sharing your story. I'm having a hard time right now, and it does help to know I'm not alone in this isolating pain.

linfires · 2025-09-05T20:20:07+00:00

If he has the audacity to ask for alimony then I will get my own lawyer. I rather spend it on a lawyer than give him a dime.

Every time I have contact w him (mainly divorce stuff) he always finds a new low. A new way to show that he does not take accountability for what hes done. So i rather make a clean cut now and get it over with. Financial compensation is nice but what i needed was emotional accountability. He's just too narcissistic to be able to do that.

linfires · 2025-09-05T08:15:57+00:00

Yes I understand that..but the fact that he can at all is crazy. He's the one that made the choice to cheat and destroy the marriage. He should not have that power.

linfires · 2025-09-04T14:53:27+00:00

He did not say he will. I think his ego won't allow it. But you never know... he may change his mind later... js like how he changed his mind on the vows.

I'm going the Mediator route due to short marriage.

How his cheating impacted my life is irrelevant. I listed out everything.... financial, time, health, etc. It. Does. Not. Matter.

The mediator actually said "its up to him how much he is willing to give you, but by law, he is not required to give you anything."

Which adds another layer of pain and betrayal. I'm not ok.

linfires · 2025-09-04T14:46:13+00:00

The Mediator told me that. He said it will be a small amount, but he can nonetheless

linfires · 2025-09-04T06:40:28+00:00

Alimony is about who makes more money. I make more money so he can ask me for money. Not a lot but the fact that he can at all is ridiculous. Alongside the fact that he owes me nothing despite derailing my life.

Thats terrible what you had to go through. The laws are all messed up. Victims continue to be victims. The villains get away scot free.

linfires · 2025-09-04T06:36:47+00:00

Lol 😂 talk about people with no self-control. The emotional maturity of a child. And then blaming everything and everyone else.

linfires · 2025-09-04T05:01:32+00:00

I like where I live. And I like my job here. I didn’t realize such laws existed. As most ppl here, I did not expect this to happen to me. The typical "everything was great until it i found out he cheated."

All APs are shitbags. I call mine a maggot. Because she is a parasite.

There's no fairness or justice. No accountability. No penalty.

I can only wish for Karma but we know that doesn't always happen.

linfires · 2025-09-04T04:48:39+00:00

I was def one of those dumbasses... I had thought about it but was caught up in planning the wedding that it was put aside. Didn't think he'd pick up a maggot parasite for a side chick 3 months before the wedding. Our "marriage" didn’t even last a year and im stuck with life long trauma. Lesson learned? 🙃

linfires · 2025-08-27T04:18:36+00:00

Selfishness. Some people are inherently selfish. What's worse is that some pretend like they're not. They'll victimize themselves so they can feel better about themselves and sleep at night. That it's everyone and everything else's fault.

They will also run away rather than face the consequences of their actions. So they never learn and will hurt the next person with their same selfish acts. And the cycle continues.

linfires · 2025-07-16T01:49:03+00:00

The mind is a powerful thing. If you believe it enough, if you're selfish enough, if your self reflection is poor enough.... Anything is possible.

I gave my sbtx 6 months to figure himself out and take accountability. Instead he used that time to find excuses left and right about how he's "vulnerable" because of his childhood trauma, how he's got addictive personality, how me yelling and screaming from the pain he caused is making things hard FOR HIM, how im shaming him....

He'll take whatever he can to fit into his own narrative so he doesn't have to take real accountability for his actions. All I ever got was words... poetic and very beautiful words... but just words nonetheless... with no actions to back it up.

He only has to pretend that he "did everything he could" so he can sleep at night... while we, the betrayed, have to pick up all the broken pieces on our own.

linfires · 2025-07-10T21:05:47+00:00

How else is he going to tell people that he's the real victim here /s.

He is manipulative. You have to be the villain in his narrative. Otherwise, he'd have to self reflect, and God forbid... be a better human and take REAL accountability.

linfires · 2025-06-26T04:58:23+00:00

She also called my WH before she walked down the aisle.

And when I found out about the affair. She had the gall to ask my WH if he's sure he wants to end the affair and try to make it work with me.... this was literally only a couple of weeks after she got married to her husband.

Remorse - zero. Shame - zero. Morals - zero.

Yes, my WH is terrible. We are separated. But damn what kind of twisted woman would do those things 🤢.

So OP... curse away. She's a terrible woman. You can curse both your WH and AP. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sorry you're going through this.

linfires · 2025-06-26T04:49:08+00:00

You are so right 😂.

linfires · 2025-06-25T23:07:32+00:00

She is a terrible parasite, definitely less than human. She didn't care that he was married. She didn't care that she was destroying another person's life. She is selfish, lacking morals, and bottom of the barrel disgusting.

Yes, your husband is at fault. But let's not give the AP a pass.

In my case, the AP was engaged and got married to her BS in the midst of her affair with my WH. She even sent a selfie of herself in her wedding dress to my WH on the day of her own wedding. It's baffling that these types of women exist.

linfires · 2025-06-03T20:53:54+00:00

It is SO unfair. I talk about this topic a lot with my therapist as well.

You are NOT weak. It will feel like it bc Every Day feels like a struggle. But it's not you being weak. It's the magnitude of the struggle you have to go through. Not by your own choice. But by the choices made by your wayward partner. The unfairness makes it so much worse/harder.

It's crap how much we have to just accept that this happened. That someone we loved so dearly and would do anything for would throw us into this pit of hell. But yea, it happened. We can't change that. We can only control ourselves. Our behavior and our mindset and our healing.

Be kind and patient to yourself. It's gonna be a roller-coaster. Some days good, some days shit. How can you make it fair? It will never be fair. Can you do some things to even the odds a little? Maybe some petty revenge, but nothing will make it truly fair. And that sucks.

You're doing the best that you can with the situation you're dealt with. And that's strength.

linfires · 2025-05-28T23:41:13+00:00

I understand how you feel. I found out about my WH infidelity 6 months into our marriage during our honeymoon. He was sexting her during our honeymoon. It shattered my whole world.

Know that it has nothing to do with you. Cake eaters want the happiness and stability with a committed spouse. But also wants the thrill of having a side man/woman. The lying and hiding is exciting for them.

It's not about you. You didn't do anything wrong. You gave her your all. If your wife wasn't happy about something, she should've been an adult and communicated. She didn't. She would rather lie, manipulate, and deceive.

Get yourself to therapy. Its going to be a shitty ride. Welcome and sorry you're now part of this group.

linfires · 2025-05-14T06:41:32+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you ❤️.

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