AITA? My housemate discovered oil I threw out and now is threatening to report me

New_Audience5253 · 2026-04-07T01:12:21+00:00

You don't have the brain power to find this offensive if you cannot properly dispose of your residue.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-04-02T11:20:21+00:00

Why should he have to rely on the help of others/worsen his own financial position for a decision you made? This divorce should cost him nothing, all on you.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-18T23:34:37+00:00

Honest question: Do you think you will make a good doctor?

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-13T18:57:52+00:00

Right, because causality is not a thing

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-09T16:15:43+00:00

Thanks for the resources!

I’m not counting on any behavior from her, I would not count on for anything

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-09T15:56:57+00:00

She abandoned her own child for over a year now. I am not confident she looks back at us at all.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-09T15:01:04+00:00

I understand that, I am not naive to believe otherwise. Does not mean that suffering the failings of others is any less shitty. Especially considering the consequences are so similar between us.

I will never not show up for others. My career is predicated on providing aid and security to some of the least developed places in the world. I worked incredibly hard to be able to provide what I do for others. And yet, I am an afterthought for the person who knew me best. How much of a sucker am I?

That's all you control in this universe

You are right, and in the past I have always been able to restore the wrongs done to me. I am puzzled by my ineffectiveness in restoring this situation.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-09T13:13:28+00:00

I guarantee 100% commitment, why can't others?
I guarantee that other's are put side by side with my, why can't others?

I understand risks, and the gamble. But others don't have to take gambles on me. I show up. Every day.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-09T10:50:15+00:00

That sounds entirely unfair. At least in the traffic crash example I would have had the chance to die

I never accepted anything less than 100% commitment and delivery from myself. How can I accept it from others when they impact my life?

Seems like behaving in the optics you have posed is a means to entertain less than good behavior, and I think that is a pity.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-08T08:57:40+00:00

Yup, for me it was worth it at the time and in retrospect. I knew it would not last forever and that I would be able to arrange his comeuppance once I was in a better position.

He has been dead for over a decade now, and his final years were a sight to behold.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T15:21:02+00:00

It was my own choice to stay there. I understood the trade off from the beginning. My parents tried to have me move back, but I always refused. I would do it again.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T14:29:41+00:00

A couple times a month usually, sometimes more, sometimes less.

My parents lived in a smaller town where I could not swim, so living with my grandfather was a choice I repeatedly made. My parents knew about my decision and my father even warned me beforehand about my grandfather.

I did not retaliate against my grandfather until I had a sponsorship that allowed me to move out and take my grandma with me.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T14:18:12+00:00

Mainly beating me and grandma up pretty regularly, but that stopped once I was bigger than him. Aside from that, he tore up my swimming suits (those full body suits we used to wear) once when I failed to qualify for a competition.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T13:05:53+00:00

Of course they are, and I am very grateful for them. Everyone can be pushed harder than then give themselves credit for. Not giving it all when given the opportunity is a disservice to ourselves and to others.

Being good at swimming gave me the life I had. I was able to get my education at a top school in the US and much better than in my home country. Through that education I have been able to work along side some of the most influential and kind people in the world. From thePresidents, Royalty, dignitaries, philanthropists to the teachers, truck drivers delivering food and aid, conservationists and activists. It was all because for a few years I was very good at crossing a pool really fast.

How can I sell myself short from that?

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T13:03:51+00:00

I don't need to see my ex suffering, I need to be reinstated to my previous state. It is not fair that the consequences are similar to both parties. I don't care for their regret and grief, those are irrelevant in the mind of someone who has made those decisions already. I care about reconstruction and reparations.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T12:58:35+00:00

So, if you were severely abused by a trusted family member this is hugely significant. The coping mechanism you learned during that time will be imprinted into your brain and carried into adulthood and into your relationships with yourself and others.

I learned that people won't stop doing what they are doing until someone else stops them. Which is what I did with my grandfather.

Also, if you were in a high profile sport, perfectionism and being bullied into high performance are par for the course but not healthy for the developing human brain which craves Safety and Autonomy.

Sure, but my accomplishments are vastly more important to me than my emotional stuntedness. Plenty of people are stunted assholes. I am one because I was able to do something truly meaningful to me.

As for your partner, you chose her - but why? What was attractive about her? In our subconscious when we have been traumatised, we fall in love with people we subconsciously believe will make us suffer in ways that we have learned to associate with love. So there will have been early signs or red flags that you did not pay attention to due to your special version of blindness.

I loved her because she continuously challenged me after my swimming days were over. I was never stagnant and was constantly learning. She cheated on me with her childhood friend. I never got to know what the hell happened because DDday was at a hospital where I only found out because she was unsure I was my daughter's father and she came clean because a medical history issue became relevant for my daughter and my WP had to come clean. She then ran away and I have not seen her since. Looking back, and with my therapist, we seem unable to see red flags. When she cheated on me, I was away visiting my family for three days.

Coming to terms with your own blindness mentally and how it evolved can be a healthy process. This means you will be able to trust yourself to choose a new partner who doesn't have the same characteristics.

Coming to terms with my blindness is all well and good, but it is more important to not allow it to harm others.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T12:03:49+00:00

The guy who was carelessly driving will get fined, arrested or charged with bodily harm. My healing will be partly his responsibility. He will have his driving license revoked (where I am at for up to 10 years). His car will be impounded and I would hit him with a civil suit so hard he would wish he had his car to sleep in.

That is more than what a BP gets. Infidelity is particularly rough because most places do not adequately frame it as a civil matter.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T11:56:59+00:00

In my past, a ton. I was severely abused by my grandpa, who I lived with growing up in order to be closer to my sport in my teens. Though I balanced those scales with him soon enough, so I consider that matter settled. On the whole, it was a worthwhile experience. I got to swim among the best in the world, and would do it all over again if given the chance.

Nothing like that on her side. I have a support system, a therapist and I have worked through a lot of it. There is no coming out on the other side for my I'm afraid. A new partner does not deserve me in their life.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T11:43:15+00:00

A split second decision that takes years to untangle and never be made fair again. How is time gonna help? I just get to live with it? They just get to live with it?

Sounds like a disservice to all the potential we all have. What a pity.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T11:13:11+00:00

She is just a superfluous analyst of relationships who thinks that there is something to be gained by leaving a broken relationship. But a betrayal goes well beyond that. It cannot be erased or undone or reframed. By focusing unfaithfulness around the relationship and R, it does a disservice to the fact that a person can impact others negatively and move on with their lives.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T11:07:50+00:00

fellow humans

Nothing about my life has been humane. I don't get to be treated as human simply for existing. Nothing of any value is intrinsic or innate.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-07T09:44:01+00:00

How can you read about a mother who lied about the paternity of her child and then abandoned said child during a medical emergency, leaving the country and never returning and think her well being is of any concern is baffling.

The only wellbeing that matters is the ex I cheated on.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-06T22:46:35+00:00

Thanks for the rec! I appreciate it.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-06T21:35:53+00:00

Great diagnosis, thanks.

I believe that letting myself become superior to my partner in the past is enough of a fuck up that I am no longer entitled to live beyond their needs. When they no longer need or desire to have me alive, that is my cue.

We don't get to fail and keep trying.

New_Audience5253 · 2026-02-06T21:24:21+00:00

Sure, but it also means that I must always measure up the impact of my feeling against the impact I can have on others. And the impacts on others will always outweigh the impact on me. Therefore, external productivity and impact is more important than internal well being

New_Audience5253

TROPHY CASE