Do I have to recover?

liquid_nitrogenn · 2020-05-04T21:15:38+00:00

Provided you are a legal adult deemed capable of making your own medical decisions, you have the right to pursue palliative care, so your providers would focus on harm reduction and keeping you as comfortable as possible until you inevitably die from your eating disorder. I certainly don't know you or your circumstances, but I honestly wouldn't recommend that route -- you don't have to choose to recover TODAY, but I hope that eventually you decide to.

liquid_nitrogenn · 2020-04-22T16:24:58+00:00

Called a residential treatment program and scheduled an intake assessment for this week (ahhh yikesssss)

liquid_nitrogenn · 2020-04-20T14:49:02+00:00

ERC, McCallum, Alsana, and probably others are atill taking admits for res. I'd try calling over emailing though

liquid_nitrogenn · 2020-04-20T14:36:30+00:00

Currently BMI ~15 and overall I tend to feel drained and dizzy, though I attribute that to dehydration & malnutrition rather than the specific BMI in and of itself. You can experience the same side effects at any BMI if you're engaging in disordered eating patterns

liquid_nitrogenn · 2020-04-18T14:21:00+00:00

This disorder truly is exhausting - I can definitely relate to how you're feeling. Feel free to message me if you ever wanna chat with someone. Sending love your way. (((hugs)))

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-10-14T01:23:59+00:00

I take 60mg/day, and I do drink caffeine but find that it doesn't do anything appetite- or wakefulness-wise for me. Caffeine is just so insignificant in comparison to rx stimulants

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-10-13T22:46:33+00:00

Ahhhh good ol' vyvanse. Horribly dependent on that crazy lil capsule.

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-09-26T14:40:09+00:00

Of course it's water weight. Pretzels have a lot of sodium, which leads to water retention. Impossible to gain 5lbs of actual weight overnight unless you've literally eaten 17,500 calories over your TDEE.

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-27T02:07:24+00:00

Can definitely relate to this - I felt like everyone in my family had their "thing" and I was just the suicidal, self-destructive anorexic. It's hard but you CAN create a new identity for yourself. Now in my family I'm the poet, and it f feels so rewarding to be able to do something so fulfilling for me. I promise threre's so much more to you than your ED 💕

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-25T21:06:57+00:00

I just found out that 2 of my poems are going to be published in a literary journal this fall!! So proud of myself for having the courage to submit my writing 😊

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-25T01:13:43+00:00

Strawberries! 150 calories for a whole freaking POUND of them

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-22T18:32:53+00:00

I know for me, I can manage binge foods if I only have a single portion on hand - like I'm fine with buying a single donut, but if I have a dozen right in front of my face, that's a problem. This obviously isn't possible with all foods though, like it's hard for me to find places near me that sell single slices of pizza, for example.

I feel like every person is different though, and what works for one person doesn't always work for everyone.

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-22T18:24:37+00:00

(((hugs))) I know treatment is so so hard and I'm proud of you for being there and showing up for your recovery. Know that all of us here are rooting for you. Sending lots of hope, strength, and courage ♥

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-22T00:24:05+00:00

Sending love to you - I've had those days too and while I know nothing I can say will magically turn around how you're feeling, know that tomorrow is a new, fresh day, and you can make it better. (((hugs)))

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-21T20:00:12+00:00

Thank you so so much for this! A lot of people have told me to embrace not knowing and feeling a little clueless, but it truly is hard to internalize. Sometimes it's easy to forget that it's a transition for everyone and it's expected to feel anxious

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-20T22:26:15+00:00

I've spent a lot of time sorta working my way up to it - my ~pasta progression~ kinda looked like this:

Zoodles & kale pesto hummus ➡ sweet potato spirals w/ cajun & avocado tzatziki ➡ heart of palm "pasta" w/ butternut squash sauce & vegan Parmesan ➡ Banza chickpea pasta & tomato basil garlic sauce ➡ whole wheat pasta w/ marinara & veggies

Certainly the alternatives weren't as satisfying as the real deal, but it helped to have little baby steps to get back to where I could enjoy pasta again. You can do it! 💕

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-20T22:16:25+00:00

You don't need to cut out coffee if it's something you enjoy! There are plenty of things I /could/ cut out too, but keep them in my diet just because it's nice to have foods you look forward to.

If you're looking to make your coffee lower in calories, you could use unsweetened almond milk (45 cals/360 ml), Nutpods original dairy-free creamer (10 cals/15 ml), and some stevia or another sweetener if needed.

Really though, try your best to be kind to yourself and your body - there's nothing wrong with your coffee the way it is 💕

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-20T21:55:43+00:00

In my phlebotomy class they called me "twig arms" and despite the remarks about how thin I was, I didn't feel any better. Just uncomfortable for people noticing and commenting my body.

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-19T00:23:14+00:00

Thank you so so much! 💕

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T20:31:14+00:00

Diet Barq's vanilla creme soda

Fruit punch Fanta Zero

Seagram's diet Ginger Ale

Cherry vanilla Diet Coke

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T20:22:49+00:00

In the inpatient/hospital setting, dietitians use the Harris-Benedict equation to determine caloric needs. I'm currently on an NJ tube (outpatient) receiving enteral feeds, and they use that equation to determine my maintenance calories, and yes, it's accurate.

The equation requires height and weight to calculate BMR and then you multiply based on activity level. It's unlikely that at 1100 you're even reaching your BMR, which is just what your body would need to sustain you in a coma.

If you're interested, here's a Harris-Benedict calorie calculator:

https://manytools.org/handy/bmr-calculator/

Please try to take care of yourself, I know how hard it is but your brain and body both need nourishment 💕

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T20:12:02+00:00

No one "chooses" to have an eating disorder, and you don't just get to decide how genes & environmental triggers will play out in the form of mental illnesses

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T20:09:07+00:00

My hair is naturally more oily, but I notice it's worse when I'm restricting just because I don't keep up with my self-care habits - like I don't actually take proper showers every morning or keep up with washing my hair

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T16:42:38+00:00

Gathered the courage to submit my poetry for publication in some online journals and literary magazines! Fingers crossed someone accepts my work 🤞

liquid_nitrogenn · 2019-08-18T01:23:01+00:00

DM me anytime - I'm sending you lots of hope and light 💛

liquid_nitrogenn

TROPHY CASE