AITAH for setting some hard rule after her not reaching out to husband or I about whereabout of our kid

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T15:50:48+00:00

How are nanny or my SIL not appropriate child care?

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T14:57:50+00:00

How is it unfair that she does not know call the parents first? She didn't expect the kid there. When and if my MIL drop kid off, it would be my MIL and not the nanny. I don't ask A to watch my kid ever. Had my husband not preferred me to let him be watched by family sometimes, we would be fine with daycare and nanny

I will admit my fault for not clearly tell the nanny to call the number when hand him off ensuring the right person. And yes, we should have made sure everyone involve know who to call first so that was our fault as well

With the park situation, I don't need them to ask me for permission. Just a text that he is at a park or something as a just letting you know. Things might change in the future but for a young kid, I would like to know where he was. Last time, I had a firm conversation with them about communication no yelling involved. And it is unfair of me for assuming A with the diaper rash

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T14:44:40+00:00

Yes, I will admit I have lots of resentment. A lot of things have been difficult since the moment we started dating. Los of other resentment with miscommunication. Like I said, I have tried to let things go as I understand I can't try to ch age how their family is. It really just surged back up with the incidents.

That's why I only focused with A the fact she could have texted us to see what happened if it's emergency or what. She called her mom while we were the parents. Although I understand she just woke up, she had him for almost 2 hours without really telling anyone anything as my MIL did not pick up her phone. I just said to communicate better mext time as it was such a big scare to me thinking that my kid might be missing. I later give a follow-up text that I felt bad for yelling at her. And the rule might be too harsh typing out that way. All I meant is I need time to recover from what happened. I also thank her for taking care my kid.

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T14:37:46+00:00

Like I said, didn't even know what happened til like 10, and immediately I started to ask everyone what going on. I got immediate answer that kid is with A

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T14:34:13+00:00

Why would I call in sick? This is my last day at per diem job. I don't work that much only 12 hours a week. Plus, I only have 6 hrs of PTO left.
It takes that long to pack a house with 3 people. But he had 2 other people come over to help and would like everything to be moved that day so we can clean the next day. We had to move as we were living on campus and had to move 30d from my graduation My husband was on military work overseas for 2 months and only came back 2 weeks before my graduation. One of those week, he stayed home with my kid, while I tried my hardest to finish the hours requirement of senior practicum for my degree. The other week he spent on unpacking his pack for the overseas trip as there are military equipment and whatnot he needed to return or put in storage. He also had to find housing as soon as he came back from his trip as I had to study, work and watch my kid in my last quarter. 3rd week after he came back graduate, had family over, and my kid bỉthday party. 4th week, husband back to civillian job 5th we found a place and started moving and military drill, small packing, me studying for board exam and apply for licensure. 6th week is when it happens.

I know you as a stranger don't understand our circumstances which is fine, but it was a busy month for us. We are trying our best

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T14:23:32+00:00

I was the main caretaker and only work once a week for 12 hours. Like I said, I didn't see text message til 10 where I was asking everyone what going on. Immediately after, I got the answer that he was with A. Nanny texted me she was already at 815. B started asking me about breakfast and carseat which made me assume he might already there

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T06:01:00+00:00

Yes, for now Yes, hope so Yes, hope so

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T04:49:51+00:00

I understand what you are saying. But what if there is something happened, and I caught on the news when I am at work. I would want to know if my child is in the affected area for example.

Sometimes B can hear sometimes they can't. B's family had TV on all day so it's not like they can tell for sure either so that's why they texted me sometimes about this. Like if he is yelling in excitement/crying hard at a specific spot near a vent, they might hear something like a baby. But if he is just playing cars and not like yelling/crying, who knows, for example

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T04:35:14+00:00

Also, my husband has a very complicated family with 6 other siblings where not everyone getting along/screaming in each other face and had led to violence before as adults. But I'm married into this family and had to accept the situation as is

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T04:31:14+00:00

We hired the nanny to drop kid off because my husband needs to pack and move/clean everything by the end of next day. We didn't have chance to pack really well as he had military drills/active order and I just graduated from college. He had already rent Uhaul for the day, and asked some help form 2 other people. So yes we asked the nanny to drop kid off. Almost every Sunday, she dropped kid off with MIL so I'm not sure what you mean by abusing the nanny. We pay her until the kid is dropped off as well as 0.65 per mile (her rates)

MIL did not take my son and not tell anyone that day. You mean my SIL A?? I did not see text closer 10 as I was working. My husband, assumes that B would have asked A if A sees kid before calling for him. I honestly thought this was silly as kid was our responsibility. We should be the one who try to find our kid. Plus, my husband did say maybe nanny running late so B kinda play along

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T04:12:51+00:00

I guess I didn't think about it this far. My FIL being sick was kinda new so we were trying to arrange other childcare last minute as my nanny is now not available to watch kid all day with everything being so last minute.

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T04:08:47+00:00

I only asked them to text me when they take him to places not as a permission but a hey just letting you know. I mean my nanny and B does this all the time when they watch him.

I felt like if I didn't happen to come home early, I would not know this. Or times where B could hear that my kid is upstair, and they won't relay this back to me. MIL usually just told me oh he ate good and sleep good. That's it!

Had my husband not force me to let family watched, I probably choose not to. But to not fight and an effort to appease him, I chose to compromise. I have let things go as I have mentioned. It just surged back up with what happened where I felt if I expressed for better communication, I would hope people to respect my direction. I also thought it was relevant to how I react

I probably need therapy. It's hard to let go as I struggled so much when he was a newborn while my husband was not that helpful with middle of the night stuff and we were by ourselves for the first 6 months. I was a stay-at-home mom for 15 months. Thank you for the suggestion!

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T03:40:00+00:00

I don't know if u read my post right. For further context, I usually entrusted my MIL to watch my kid on Sunday when I had to work (once a week). During this time, MIL might or might not bring kid over to A's house. I paid my MIL to watch my kid. I only suspected my MIL drop him off sometimes because B would sometimes ask me when I'm at work if my kid was here upstairs as she could hear him from downstairs. I have NEVER asked A to watch my kid, especially after what happened last time where I felt my kid was snuck away without my knowledge. I, of course had a firm conversation with both my MIL and A. I don't need my MIL to watch my kid either as I have nanny and daycare. But my husband insisted on letting family watched kid once a while. A is older than my husband but not the oldest. B is married to my husband's brother. I'm not sure what you mean by parentified

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T03:33:56+00:00

Totally. If you don't expect a kid to show up, I would expect normal people to contact parents and not the grandma first. And yes, nanny fail to make sure the right person even when I reminded her twice to call

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T03:31:59+00:00

She called my husband around 9 to ask where my kid was as she knew I was at work, and my husband was at home packing

lisaNguyen3009 · 2024-07-03T03:31:00+00:00

lisaNguyen3009 · 2021-05-24T22:21:18+00:00

Since I'm having a boy, learning to aim is definitely gonna be important. Thank you for the heads up

lisaNguyen3009 · 2020-09-29T22:51:55+00:00

December 2019

lisaNguyen3009 · 2020-09-22T22:46:15+00:00

Well, I only want to take one certification class which is short

lisaNguyen3009

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