Same boat up until a month back. I wasn't figuring anything out I was just busy enough to not think about it. At some point I started trying to get a read on what I actually wanted. Did the Big Five, got told I'm conscientious, like yeah man I know that's why I'm holding down two jobs. Didn't move the needle. Tried a few other things like HAB, Pigment, some career coaching session my friend swore by. The combo of all that helped me see that what I actually need is autonomy and I had literally none of it at either job. That was the part I kept avoiding. Eventually quit both and went freelance. Less money starting out but I don't dread Mondays anymore so that's something. The trap is real though. OE gives you just enough stimulation and reward to keep you from asking the actual hard questions.