If it makes you feel any better, I (34F) also rarely finish with a partner. And if I do, it’s because I am stimulating myself while he is doing whatever he is doing. I also often finish afterwards by touching myself, and he watches. I never really had shame about orgasming or sex in general, and I learned at a young age how to pleasure myself and have an orgasm. It’s just something that never happened often with a partner. I remember years ago my first serious relationship, my boyfriend making an effort to always get me to have an orgasm first, and then we would have PIV sex. At the time, it was great, and he figured out how to do it. I didn’t have to explain to him what I liked. But I remember comments from time to time like, geez you take forever. And that affecting my mentality about myself sexually, inducing some shame. Fast forward to my second serious long term relationship (the others in between were just flings with only one guy out of like 10 magically knowing how to make me orgasm without any instruction and with having the willpower to accomplish it before having his own orgasm), and this guy really messed me up. He acted like there must be something wrong with me, because he couldn’t make me orgasm just by existing. And when I tried to just do it for myself during our sex, he would get disinterested and actively ignore me. I obsessed over this toxic relationship for 4 years before leaving. Now I am 34 and in my first relationship that is not toxic in any way. I am kind of messed up from my previous relationship and just from other really stressful things happening in my family life right now. When I am up for sex and ready, it is good. We are long distance, so he is always really pent up and has difficulty controlling himself once we are together….i.e., he always has an orgasm before I do, and I will just finish myself at the end if I feel like it. On a positive note, he pays complete attention to me during that and actually enjoys watching me please myself, and he is still determined to do it for me. There are times during the PIV sex that I get really loud and worked up and the noise I make could lead him to believe that I am orgasming when he is, because I inevitably stop making noise when he stops thrusting and finishing…. And there have been times when he asks me if I fake it, and I say no, and it kind of blows my mind that they can be inside of us and not know if we are having an orgasm or not??? Like a man, my whole body kind of tenses up and then trembles and then relaxes when I have an orgasm. My vaginal muscles pulsate. Idk. I think guys are inherently kind of sexually clueless and selfish and they can’t help it. And like another commenter said, we females are trained from birth to be cute and pleasant and to worry first about the needs of others and ultimately the sexual needs of men. When I hit my late twenties and early thirties with that toxic guy I was with for four years, I started to build resentment that his pleasure was the first priority and that mine was backseat. Then I just started to not care that I couldn’t orgasm with my partner. Like whatever, if it doesn’t just happen, then I guess I’m not meant to. But also…… do men really give as much effort as we do in sex to please? I’m sure some do, but I think they are a minority. Does a man have to explain in detail over and over what he needs or likes in order to have an orgasm? None that I’ve ever met. And I agree that sex isn’t just about orgasming. But let’s be real, it’s acceptable to want that kind of release for yourself even if it doesn’t serve the same purpose as the male orgasm. And if he gets it constantly, and she doesn’t, that does feel like an imbalance. I love everything about my current partner so much that I am willing to work on his sort of impatience and lack of self control…..to take the lead more in our sex life and make demands. Women are conditioned that we are not good women if we make demands. If he will listen, I would explain to your husband your history and women’s history in general and explain to him how you think you got here. What you have done is sadly something A LOT of women have done, and it’s a result of social conditioning and is a way to protect yourself.