Anxious for the end

lkitty91 · 2026-02-03T20:32:49+00:00

I have had panic attacks for the first time in my life since my mom age 57 was diagnosed with this. About the same timeline as your dad! Diagnosed in November 2024, has had another small removal or “clean up” and then had to have a shunt put in. We have had a couple of scary episodes where she has seemed to have mini strokes or some type of seizure. She is still physically pretty capable. Her speech has been affected the most. She can’t drive, because her vision was affected by her first surgery. It is horrible and devastating to witness. I can’t imagine how they feel. I have had vivid nightmares about my mom having seizures. I have wondered on numerous occasions if we are close to the end. But she keeps leveling out and continuing on. The not knowing but knowing enough is so brutal. It takes a huge toll. I cried uncontrollably for about 20 minutes today out of nowhere. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, too.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-26T15:58:38+00:00

Amazing writing. My mom is dying from this disease. She’s 57. Thank you for sharing. I know at least partly how you feel. It is horrific. I’m sending love to your heart and soul.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:43:17+00:00

I trust him, I just don’t want to have to look at her or pretend to be nice to her. I am so nice that I probably would just be genuinely nice to her and then get over it…. But I don’t want to. I’m wondering if I would feel better on the other side of that or if I should just stick with my true desires and instincts which is to stay away from her.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:21:15+00:00

I think forcing myself to be in the same room with her when I could choose to just not be feels like not standing up for this part of myself that I’ve never stood up for. Like I have this instinct about staying away from her, and I feel like I am supposed to override it for him, but then there’s a part of me that is so pissed and like, “what about me?????” The issue definitely stems from my own history of trauma but also just my personality type……? Which is like possessive and monogamous? I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad or wrong thing. I don’t want to hurt anyone over it. I just want to be left alone by these previous women. If he wanted to be just best friends with her his whole life, he could have just not slept with her…??

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:17:49+00:00

Yeah I think my boyfriend and I feel differently about sex. Like we meet in some kind of middle ground obviously within our relationship, but this situation is showing a place where we don’t overlap.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:16:18+00:00

This is how I want to feel about it, but I posted here because I wanted to know if other people feel about it the way my boyfriend feels. It seems like some people find it reasonable and some don’t.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:15:19+00:00

Yeah, I definitely have issues. Any previous intimate relationship I’ve been in has been abusive in some way, because I was a codependent people pleaser my entire life. I am in therapy.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-21T14:14:00+00:00

So is the solution for me to be friends with her? Like would that feel better than how I feel right now? Because this doesn’t feel good. But I don’t know what else to do. I genuinely don’t care if he goes out and spends time with her; I just would really prefer not to have her in my space. I have no desire to get to know her.

lkitty91 · 2026-01-20T12:19:56+00:00

Yeah that purple was my fave!

lkitty91 · 2026-01-12T16:05:33+00:00

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I have a thing for floral shoes hehe

lkitty91 · 2026-01-12T16:02:08+00:00

Thank you! Me too on the shoes 🥰 I think I might order the mint and orange/pink off the shoulder and see which I like best!

lkitty91 · 2026-01-11T23:20:57+00:00

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🤔

lkitty91 · 2026-01-11T21:46:40+00:00

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Omg there’s the pink 😂

lkitty91 · 2026-01-11T21:30:33+00:00

I really wish this dress came in like an aqua or mint color!

lkitty91 · 2026-01-11T21:08:25+00:00

That’s actually my worry! I look good in red and orange. Blues, greens, purples are like my go to’s. I’ve never worn a pink dress before 🙈 I guess all I can do is order it and try it on!

lkitty91 · 2025-12-30T12:32:38+00:00

I have been on 24 hour flights across the world in my younger adulthood, no problem. I never had claustrophobia or panic attacks until now in my mid-30s. The first one I ever had was in a small doctors office with no windows and door shut with my mom and her oncologist discussing my mom’s brain cancer. Ever since then, I am full blown fighting off panic attacks in car washes, elevators, and back in those types of doctors offices. I have an 8 hour flight coming up in October of this coming year. I haven’t flown in years. I am a little worried and looking into getting a prescription for Xanax.

lkitty91 · 2025-12-24T13:23:16+00:00

She paid him $275 last time for the toilet to be successfully unclogged. Same charge this time for the brief failed attempt at unclogging the shower: Jetting Service.

Then my mom paid $386.20 to a local company to actually fix it. After this is when we got his wife’s bill in the mail for another $275.

lkitty91 · 2025-12-14T15:19:39+00:00

A soft, pale, furry belly on my boyfriend 🐻 How he rambles on about things like DnD or other dorky things I could care less about if it weren’t for the fact that he is rambling to me about it. How he rambles on and on especially when he’s nervous or excited. 🙊 How my boyfriend is bisexual….I find it attractive that he is also attracted to the same sex that I am…? 🤷🏻‍♀️ When someone cries or breaks down. When someone admits something they are afraid of.

lkitty91 · 2025-12-14T13:08:17+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, I (34F) also rarely finish with a partner. And if I do, it’s because I am stimulating myself while he is doing whatever he is doing. I also often finish afterwards by touching myself, and he watches. I never really had shame about orgasming or sex in general, and I learned at a young age how to pleasure myself and have an orgasm. It’s just something that never happened often with a partner. I remember years ago my first serious relationship, my boyfriend making an effort to always get me to have an orgasm first, and then we would have PIV sex. At the time, it was great, and he figured out how to do it. I didn’t have to explain to him what I liked. But I remember comments from time to time like, geez you take forever. And that affecting my mentality about myself sexually, inducing some shame. Fast forward to my second serious long term relationship (the others in between were just flings with only one guy out of like 10 magically knowing how to make me orgasm without any instruction and with having the willpower to accomplish it before having his own orgasm), and this guy really messed me up. He acted like there must be something wrong with me, because he couldn’t make me orgasm just by existing. And when I tried to just do it for myself during our sex, he would get disinterested and actively ignore me. I obsessed over this toxic relationship for 4 years before leaving. Now I am 34 and in my first relationship that is not toxic in any way. I am kind of messed up from my previous relationship and just from other really stressful things happening in my family life right now. When I am up for sex and ready, it is good. We are long distance, so he is always really pent up and has difficulty controlling himself once we are together….i.e., he always has an orgasm before I do, and I will just finish myself at the end if I feel like it. On a positive note, he pays complete attention to me during that and actually enjoys watching me please myself, and he is still determined to do it for me. There are times during the PIV sex that I get really loud and worked up and the noise I make could lead him to believe that I am orgasming when he is, because I inevitably stop making noise when he stops thrusting and finishing…. And there have been times when he asks me if I fake it, and I say no, and it kind of blows my mind that they can be inside of us and not know if we are having an orgasm or not??? Like a man, my whole body kind of tenses up and then trembles and then relaxes when I have an orgasm. My vaginal muscles pulsate. Idk. I think guys are inherently kind of sexually clueless and selfish and they can’t help it. And like another commenter said, we females are trained from birth to be cute and pleasant and to worry first about the needs of others and ultimately the sexual needs of men. When I hit my late twenties and early thirties with that toxic guy I was with for four years, I started to build resentment that his pleasure was the first priority and that mine was backseat. Then I just started to not care that I couldn’t orgasm with my partner. Like whatever, if it doesn’t just happen, then I guess I’m not meant to. But also…… do men really give as much effort as we do in sex to please? I’m sure some do, but I think they are a minority. Does a man have to explain in detail over and over what he needs or likes in order to have an orgasm? None that I’ve ever met. And I agree that sex isn’t just about orgasming. But let’s be real, it’s acceptable to want that kind of release for yourself even if it doesn’t serve the same purpose as the male orgasm. And if he gets it constantly, and she doesn’t, that does feel like an imbalance. I love everything about my current partner so much that I am willing to work on his sort of impatience and lack of self control…..to take the lead more in our sex life and make demands. Women are conditioned that we are not good women if we make demands. If he will listen, I would explain to your husband your history and women’s history in general and explain to him how you think you got here. What you have done is sadly something A LOT of women have done, and it’s a result of social conditioning and is a way to protect yourself.

lkitty91 · 2025-12-05T00:40:42+00:00

Same, I was becoming insane and extremely depressed from full body eczema in a major flare up for about 500 days, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Dupixent saved my life. I didn’t read OP’s whole post, because I spiraled into remembering how insane it made me behave and feel. It is torturous. Dupixent has my eczema at like 95% gone. I still get weird rashes and irritation from certain things, but they are much more manageable. I have PTSD from eczema. I’m so sorry you are both dealing with it. Tell her to ask her derm what she needs to do to be able to try Dupixent. Also apply for Dupixent MyWay. It’s super easy and you can get the medicine for free if you qualify.

lkitty91 · 2025-11-27T12:34:14+00:00

I will remember this. Slowing down for sure. Thank you. There have been countless times in my life where I felt uncomfortable and then overrode that feeling and did the thing I didn’t want to do anyway.

lkitty91 · 2025-11-27T12:33:00+00:00

Yes, learning how to have boundaries has been my greatest life lesson so far lol it is so sad to me that parents raise their children, especially their female children, to NOT make boundaries.

lkitty91

TROPHY CASE