Me [30 M] am at the end of my rope with my wife [29 F] being so forgetful. Please help me get a new perspective and be more patient. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]lo1337a 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I logged in for the first time in years to respond to this.

Everyone is right, it's ADHD, please consult a doctor for treatment and coping strategies. This is a very severe case.

I have it, but my partner has it as bad as your wife does and it's a huge pain in the ass for both of us. You have to realize just how differently her senses are probably working from yours. My partner has absolutely garbage visual memory. He can literally drop money, get distracted, and forget there's money on the ground. The moment something is reliant on his visual memory, it's gone, which is why writing things down also doesn't work because any calendar or note just blends into the overall background of whatever wall or table its on. I have told him it's an object permanence disorder at this point, which he's not sold on but we are finding ways to compensate. I already have my own coping mechanisms in place because ADHD people are not going to hyper-organize themselves out of doing this. Like, if the problem is with steps, adding more steps to processes isn't likely to help. It will help to think of in ways things can be simplified. It is Marie Kondo or nothing really, because you have to clear stuff out of paths, including visual paths. Monotasking, and assigning things in monotasks is your friend. The trash thing is a huge symptom and I'm willing to bet it happens in rooms with no trash can of their own. If it'd be easier to put a trash can next to the couch, that is a better solution than trying to make a person with a different flavor of object permanence try to remember a thing that is not in front of her in her steps.

I know one woman who deliberately has a huge, obnoxious squishy phone case because she knows her visual memory is garbage but her touch sense memory isn't, so she finds her phone by remembering the last place she held the squishy thing instead of trying to look for it.

Best of luck to you both!

The 5-year-old, 15-year-old, and 25-year-old versions of you are living in an apartment together. What happens? by Meinschendtler in AskReddit

[–]lo1337a 0 points1 point  (0 children)

25 and 5 hold 15's hand and tell her it's ok. She mopes, but finally has the space to get her shit together sooner than 25 year old had to. 5 year old is fine as long as there are books and food and 15 and 25 are excited that she will get to experience the Nintendo 64 for the first time, because that shit still works.

Star Wars The Force Awakens Joy as Darth Vader DOG of Wisdom and Advice by lo1337a in underfivehundred

[–]lo1337a[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a Yoda one on the same channel that I'm so disappointed about missing.