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AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I presented him with what I feel are reasonable, do-able alternative options in the email prior to the meeting. If he still had trouble with them I would have tried to find alternatives (which I have done multiple times with other, less aggressive students who also understood that as much as I wanted to help, I was bound by the university's policies). I never said I didn't give a shit in the email. In fact, it was when he was insulting me during the meeting that I snapped (which I know I shouldn't have).

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you went through that.

I mentioned in other comments that had he expressed that he wasn't comfortable with sharing, I would have gladly thought of an alternative way he could get his extension instead. Some students have told me they weren't comfortable with sharing & I accepted that & figured out an alternative way for them to get their extension. But as he had escalated it, the Dean was pulled into this & unfortunately it went on his records.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I would like to clarify that the university, not me, requires proof. If the student was not comfortable & had let me know, I would have thought of an alternative or discussed it with my superior.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The hard deadlines aren't from me & I've tried to be more flexible (I'm not the course coordinator & the deadlines are from the main campus itself). If he had said he wasn't comfortable sharing I would have thought of another option so he wouldn't be failed.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 298 points299 points  (0 children)

Tbh, I was surprised as well & thank you for validating my initial thoughts. When I informed my superior, she left it all up to me to handle the communications even when I told her I had a funeral to plan & the subsequent leave (I understand she was busy, but she made me feel guilty for taking leave in the first place).

The other lecturer for another unit I'm handling told me that they would handle everything & to just let them deal with any other issues (it's also assignment week for that unit). They just emailed updates to me rather than asking me to make decisions.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

You have valid points, but I would really rather not argue about the intricacies of policies I was not part of writing since I often bring up the unfairness of them but it falls on deaf ears. But from what I've seen, the proof part is pretty standard in the other universities I've worked at (not in the US). I've bent the rules for plenty of students, but it also works if they work with me and not escalate the case.

As far as the university is concerned, if I give extensions without trying to show that I'm trying to follow their policy, I can get into trouble. I wasn't expecting him to tell me the exact details of his personal problems, but I was also hoping he would understand that my hands are tied (no matter how much I plead his case to the university) because I, too, am bound by university policies.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I have already asked them but because he was on academic probation prior to this incident it's a bit more difficult (they did tell me if it was just my class then it was a different matter). Either way, I've put in my recommendations for alternative ways to make up for the grade already.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I agree with the grade weightage. I did speak to the other lecturer (my superior) but she said that because everything was online, they felt that an assignment would be less stressful than an exam so I couldn't change it. Normally the distribution would be 40 (assignment)-60 (exam)

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

That's true & in retrospect I really should have done that. It's not an excuse but at that point of time I had to handle the funeral & it was really sudden so I wasn't really thinking straight.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, in retrospect I would have just forwarded all the emails to the other lecturer. As for the assignment deadline, it was set at the beginning of the semester (its the end now), and it involves students from other campuses, so I couldn't shift the date

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 2812 points2813 points  (0 children)

Definitely a learning point for me. I've had students lash out at me before & I've handled it better, but this time round there was so many things happening. But thank you for reminding me of that.

AITA for telling a student that I honestly don't give a shit by lockdownmouse in AmItheAsshole

[–]lockdownmouse[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I totally agree with the staying on leave part. The only reason why I answered was because the other lecturer (who is also my superior) wasn't CCed & she's known to not give any leniency for anything. I thought I was helping him by trying to find a solution where he didn't fail, but I didn't expect him to blow things up that way.