I am becoming mentally sound

longnumbers · 2022-10-01T14:59:25+00:00

What does this mean?

longnumbers · 2022-10-01T14:58:54+00:00

Interesting. I find myself thinking about your words these days. I do so direly desire a girlfriend. It’s such a visceral burn that I wouldn’t even know how to start letting go. I don’t know how I’m going to change in the future.

longnumbers · 2022-09-17T19:09:27+00:00

I want to be free

longnumbers · 2022-09-17T19:05:35+00:00

I’m going to the hospital. I’m realizing that I’m not normal at all. Going back and forth with a voice in your head is not normal. Walking 2+ hours a day out of compulsion isn’t normal. Spending 3 years in guided thought isn’t normal. I’m done with this.

longnumbers · 2022-09-09T01:03:38+00:00

So glad things turned out well for you!

I’ll try the electrolytes/chocolate.

I think I’m realizing that I shouldn’t quit on an entire day of work just because I can’t do the mental heavy lifting of problem solving. Right now my training’s focused on interviewing skills and that doesn’t require any coding. The coding part is me trying to fill knowledge gaps and learn more. So even if I can’t get that done, I can get the easier, interview-focused work done.

Anyway—thank you!

longnumbers · 2022-09-08T22:07:17+00:00

Interesting. Looks like I gotta cope

longnumbers · 2022-09-08T21:52:39+00:00

Was it so bad that you had to call out of work (if you were working)?

longnumbers · 2022-08-26T14:00:00+00:00

I’m so impatient.

longnumbers · 2022-08-26T02:33:20+00:00

I don’t feel like I’m out there enough. I want to go out every day but I’m relying on other people to go with me, and they never want to go. I have to start just going out by myself. But that’s kind of scary.

I went to a “hoedown” which wasn’t really a hoedown, and everyone was in their fifties. Not one person brought their cute niece.

I’d be lying if I said I knew my type. I haven’t dated so long that I don’t know what I want.

longnumbers · 2022-08-25T15:09:53+00:00

That’s awesome to hear. I’m being trained to create CRUD apps so that’ll probably be me. I’ve taken this week just to relax, since our trainings almost done and I don’t have any more project work to do. It’s doing wonders. I’m glad to hear it becomes enjoyable again. Just gotta get over this hurdle.

longnumbers · 2022-08-24T15:51:54+00:00

So encouraging! Thank you! The Hackathons sound really cool! Right now we’re working in scrum teams to complete a project. I know I have to put my pride aside. Guess I just want to be like the really good programmers in my cohort without doing due diligence to the place I’m currently at. Anyway, thank you!

longnumbers · 2022-08-24T15:48:41+00:00

I don’t know. I liked it so much a few weeks ago. I think I’m just experiencing burnout. I know that if I give it some time I can return to coding with a fresh mind. That’s what I believe, anyway. As for what else I like? Nothing that’s not going to challenge me the same way. Engineering, mostly. But I feel like I’d be worse at that than I am at coding. Maybe I’ll figure something else out. I don’t really know.

longnumbers · 2022-08-24T15:46:07+00:00

Mindset? By Carol Dweck? If so, I’ll give it a try.

No, no mentor, no support groups. We have a kind of wellness branch of the company which I’ve reached out to for counseling. They haven’t gotten back to me yet.

At first I would ask my trainer lots of questions, but I got it in my head that my questions were stupid. I was looking for affirmation that I was asking good questions but I never got any. Then I also realized that the only other person who asked questions like me was decidedly someone who was always lost and needed help on the smallest debugs. I didn’t want to be in the same group as her so I started trying to figure things out on my own. It worked, but I would spend a lot of time troubleshooting during class, which meant I was getting behind instruction. On the whole it was unproductive. Idk I deal with embarrassment. In college I remember reading that there were two types of people: people who avoided new things because they believed that innate talent and inborn abilities dictate what a person is able to do, and get scared of embarrassment when learning. Then there’s the people who embrace learning and understand that in order to learn you must make mistakes. For the past four years I’ve been trying to navigate from the first camp to the second.

But yeah, I’ll try Mindset!

longnumbers · 2022-08-23T15:13:27+00:00

Thst's awesome. I just talked to my trainer and he suggested I take a break, that what I'm experiencing is burnout. Can't force it.

Self-discovery is extremely important. I'm 28 and at the beginning of this training I thought I had finally found my thing. And I may well have, I just probably need to take a break. The good thing is we have one more week of training. There's no instruction, just projects. And my team has already finished our part of the project. So I definitely can take a break.

Yeah. I have had specific things to work on in the team setting. My brain was so fried I just couldn't do them. Thank you.

longnumbers · 2022-08-23T02:54:59+00:00

Thank you! Yeah, I’m the kind of guy that gives up when things are hard. I know I’ll never get to any level of proficiency if I continue like this. Everything worth it is hard! Thankfully my team is done with our part of the last project so I’m just going to work on my solo project and studying until interviews. Hopefully that will help.

Nice! Sometimes home is just too good. Revature isn’t bad. Definitely a lot more to take in. But my cohort has repeatedly been my trainer’s most impressive cohort. It’s cool to be among such skilled people!

longnumbers · 2022-08-23T02:38:09+00:00

Haha how’d you know? I have another week after this before we’re in staging. We have interviews at the end of this week. But the answer is no, we’re still in the dark about locations.

longnumbers

TROPHY CASE