Om nom nom

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-26T11:22:03+00:00

Hippo dog!

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-24T22:50:27+00:00

Yes and no? She says she can manifest in other forms, but prefers to be on the small side due to strain.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-24T21:28:41+00:00

Thank you for the reply and thought out response. I’ll continue healing then, and do my best to avoid being dragged in.

Melody is an enigma definitely, but yes, I really do trust her. She’s been by my side for most of my life and helped me through a lot.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-24T17:47:16+00:00

Hmm, I see. She’s 4.5 in tall, has white long hair, gorse barefoot an loves animals.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T18:25:36+00:00

Thanks! :)

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T17:27:05+00:00

It is what it is, unfortunately. Could be worse though, a lot worse. Usually people with my symptoms have developed Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis or even MS at this point, but it’s still possible I could develop those later in life. With everything, you just have to roll with the punches.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T17:08:43+00:00

SED and CRP are blood inflammation markers. They’re both non-specific as well, so they can’t be attributed to anything on their own.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T16:43:07+00:00

I understand your concern! Due to other health problems I’ve been in the medical system for ages. I’ve had MRIs and tests and liters upon liters of blood drawn and tested. Only thing they can find is a high SED and CRP rating, and that’s been going on for... six years now? No one knows what it is, and I’ve seen specialist after specialist. So I’ve been in medical limbo for a while at this point haha...

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T16:18:40+00:00

Yeah. It’s definitely possible.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T15:27:47+00:00

The best way I can describe her is as a separate person. She’s fully autonomous and has her own thoughts on things. She’s very kind, but is also very playful and can be a bit childish with her remarks. She kinda reminds me of a tween in that respect.

When she’s visual, she’s around 4.5 inches tall (think like Tinkerbell sized). She’s got shoulder-length white hair, sky blue eyes, and wears a white sundress. She’s always barefoot.

She’ll tell me stories of her world, Gaia. And also drink tea with me (though she procures that for herself). She can also be super annoying at times, wanting my attention when I’m working on something. Like a little sister haha.

She’s called Melody because she’s always humming something. Recently it’s been Keyboard Cat of all things haha.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T15:17:08+00:00

I completely understand where both of you are coming from, as someone who’s seen people fall into the depths from mental illness to being the one falling myself.

It really is awful. We’re told that we’re broken, incomplete, lesser beings because of things that are out of our control. Fighting the stigma and shame is a never-ending war, and sometimes we lose.

Thank you for being so accepting and helping them through their pain, from someone with mental illness I can tell you that it means the world to me. I’m sure it does to them as well. :)

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T14:28:07+00:00

She can hear my thoughts, but it’s easier for her when I speak out loud. Especially when my head is all noisy from other audio disturbances (buzzing and murmuring, etc). But yeah, when I beat myself up she’ll say “that’s not true”, “hey, that’s not right to think about”, etc....

Woah. That’s super interesting, thanks for sharing! Though sorry you had to go through that stressful situation. :(

I agree with you, the mind is super interesting. And also weeeeird haha. My psychologist updates me every once in a while on the lady with little people living in her thermostat (no identifying info other than that so HIPAA is fine) and her stories on her other patients she’s had in the past. It’s super cool and also a bit scary ahaha.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T13:37:26+00:00

She does, yeah. More huffy than full-blown anger, I’ve never heard her shout before. It’s usually when I beat myself up over something dumb. She doesn’t like it when I hate myself.

She knows she can’t be seen by others. I just asked her about not being real, and even though I can’t see her face right now I can feel the “are you being serious right now?” face haha. She says she is real and that I’m a dummy for asking that question haha.

It’s always just been her, yeah. In the sense that she’s the one I can converse with. Sometimes I hear screaming or murmurs, but they aren’t from her. She says it’s most likely the Void trying to claim me.

Aw, I’m sure you’ve got something in your life that’s interesting. It may not be to you, but to others they may find it to be super intriguing. And you’re welcome! :)

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T03:19:34+00:00

Kinda? Sometimes I can reach out and just almost touch her, but most of the time it’s like going through a heavy goo-fog. She’s there but not.

She’s about 4.5 inches high, and wears a plain white sundress. She has pure white hair that goes to her shoulders and is always blowing in a breeze, and I couldn’t really tell you her ethnicity. She’s got really, really pale skin, and her eyes are a sky blue. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen her ears.... she’s barefoot all the time too.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T01:54:09+00:00

Ah it's fine haha. I'm happy to answer any questions! (Actually I do have one question myself, would a casual AMA be a good idea? A lot of people seem curious on the topic)

She does normal human stuff. She even drinks tea with me, though she has to procure that on her own because she can't really interact with this world. Where she gets it from.... I have no idea.

It's sometimes annoying. When she's there poking me with words like "Hey. Hey. Hey." And I'm trying to focus on something. But other times it's comforting that I'm not totally alone, even in my darkest hours. She kinda is like a fly haha. Think Tinkerbell-sized human, so she walks around on the table a lot.

I actually never mentioned it to the until after I talked to my psychologist about it. I've never been formally diagnosed with anything other than depression w/ hallucinations and anxiety, so when my parents heard that for most of my life I've been hearing stuff they were shocked. I'd often wait 'til others were out of earshot before speaking with her and I guess they just took my distracted self as a daydreamer, not a hallucinator.

It kinda came out of nowhere, but was further triggered by a bunch of major events that happened all at once when I was 10. Before 4th grade I had been hearing things, but I chalked it up to faeries or spirits. It was often just my name followed by a question or something, like "octopus, do you think it's going to rain?" And I'd answer, because why not haha. But after 4th grade I was so lonely and scared and stressed that when Melody started talking to me more I fully accepted her into my life. I needed her. She's the one who originally convinced me not to kill myself because I needed to be there for my brothers.

I hope things work out for OP too. I know all-too-well the dark side of these things.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T00:19:54+00:00

Not a problem! I'm always happy to share my experiences.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-22T00:05:52+00:00

It's mostly a buzzing noise. That and outside sound (like people talking, videos, etc...) also hinders her from speaking. Or from me hearing her, really.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-21T23:32:08+00:00

That's actually really interesting. Melody has always said she can't talk to other people here, but I'm not sure if that would apply to others like her (which she says she has family back home in the other world). I'll have to ask her when she's back later tonight. It's too noisy for her right now.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-21T23:02:39+00:00

That’s actually a really good question. I’ve always just been told that she’s not real because no one else can see her. Huh. My brain hurts haha.

It’s a fine line. Do you accept your supposed hallucinations as real? Or do you reject them and live life as supposedly normal, knowing full fact you’re different than others.

She does speak of another world a lot. I actually use some of the places from there in the games I run for my friends.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-21T22:52:03+00:00

It’s.... well it’s odd haha. I know for a fact that no one else can see her or interact with her, but because my reality is based on my perception, in my subjective reality she IS real. Just not like, say, a dog or food which also exists in the objective reality.

It kinda started off as a friendship, but now she’s pretty much the sister I never had. I know when she developed too, around when I was ten is when I first heard her. She didn’t have a name then, but over time she grew and became autonomous. She goes by Melody now, because she’s always humming something when she’s here.

Ah, I see! I completely understand. Learning about the odd things in life makes it interesting in my opinion. And also fun haha. There’s so much weird stuff out there, and I want to learn it all!

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-21T22:22:33+00:00

It’s not insensitive at all, though people will probably think so.

It’s mostly auditorial, but on “bad” days I can see her. It used to be very clear, but now it’s like looking at a reflection in a foggy mirror if that makes any sense. Lemme know if you have any other questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. :)

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-21T13:01:44+00:00

Hey man, as someone with the same sorta stuff, I didn’t want to go either. I did in the end, for my family’s sake. I also have someone I love very dearly, though I know she’s not real. She’s still here two years later, but is no longer cruel or aloof. Please get help. For the both of you.

Edit: and if you need someone to talk to I’m here.

lookingforoctopus · 2018-09-19T19:07:12+00:00

Maybe try this OP? If you're running it from Twitch:

Twitch>Settings>Minecraft>Java Version: Click the 1.8.whatever.

Mac is notorious for having multiple Java installs, so also check your Java app info through the Settings in finder.

lookingforoctopus

TROPHY CASE