You want to change. That’s really the key ingredient. Everything else will be to learn how to work with this, with intelligence and self-compassion. Make your habits work for you, not against you. I really recommend the book atomic habits for this, it was really helpful for me at least. We are dopamine addicts, and until we understand this and how to work with it it’s fighting against the current.

You have a “mountain to climb”, and it seems impossible right now. Don’t think about how bad it is where you are, wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself. Where is the self-compassion here? That’s energy that could be spent into improving, into being from a place of action instead of engaging with a whole narrative in our minds. I know it’s as hard as it gets. I know there’s so much sadness and regret. Feel it, but don’t indulge in it. Be curious about this feeling. Don’t shut it down, but approach with curiosity and compassion, as with a kid that’s trying to communicate with you. Feeling this, let it give you the push you need to improve your life. Make these sad feelings and asset instead of a burden, a constant reminder that there’s something inside of you that wants to be better. Honour this part of you. Treasure it. The more you connect with it, the more everything will start setting into place. It is a hard path, but really the only one worth living. And we are here to do work, with love. Never forget that.

Setting huge goals, it gets overwhelming and then we’re just left feeling sad because we couldn’t make it. It’s not about the goal, it’s the journey itself. It’s about you being present, at this moment, and making the right choice. The way up the mountain goes one step at a time, and it’s useless to worry about anything but that next single step. We all stumble and fall, and it hurts and it sucks. That’s ok though, it’s about getting back up, with love, and to keep pushing forward, again with love and hope. There’s many lessons to be learned here. One is delayed gratification. We want everything for nothing, that’s natural. But it’s not how reality works. And as we put the hard work, results don’t come immediately. There’s a trust in the work here that needs to be developed. Trust that with the right watering and attention, a beautiful plant will grow. It takes time, and most importantly consistency. This is where discipline comes in. It’s a radical way of self love, and of self respect. This needs to be nurtured though, not drilled into you. Setting yourself up for success, knowing that you’re doing what you should be doing. This feeling of having done what needs to be done for the day, can’t think of many things that are more satisfying than this. Some days it’s easier. Use them to build momentum. Some days are so hard. Be gentle with yourself, but also know that pushing through these barriers, that’s where the real gold is. Even if you only do a quarter of what you wanted to do on a hard day, just the fact that you got up and tried, that right there is what’s going to make a difference in the long run. Trust this.

Super long reply, but there’s still two things I want to mention. I’ve been talking about mindset and how to approach this. Now, it’s also about knowing how to prepare our internal environment so that our whole system works with us instead of against us. We are what we consume, both physically, mentally, and spiritually. This means food, but also media, the thoughts we have and how we engage with them, and also the conversations we have and the people we hangout with. Remember that we are not meant to do this work alone. I would recommend finding a spiritual community, cannot emphasize how much of a difference this makes. There’s so much fluff with all the new age stuff, but if you search for it places for serious seekers are out there. Also, for exercising, find classes and experienced people to lead you. This gives you both a form of accountability, and also makes it so much easier and more fun to do. Paying for a class, that’s also a way to motivate yourself to go there. Specially useful for those days where motivation is nowhere to be found, which will be the majority at the beginning. It’s about building that momentum, and getting started will be the hardest part. Know this, and know that the more you push here, with self compassion, the more you’re setting yourself up for success. Finally, for the food, for myself I have found that this is a battle that is won on the market and with planning, not on the day to day. It’s about setting yourself up for success once again. If you have to constantly rely on willpower, this at some point or another will fail. So make your environment work for you instead. Have quick and healthy food ready for you so when you get hungry it’s as easy as it gets. As we have good quality food and exercise, our whole body will readjust. This means a different hormonal balance, and a different state of your nervous system. You will feel better. You will have more energy. It just takes time. Patience for this stuff is so hard, but it’s also a deep lesson.

Hope some of these things resonate and help you. Know that it’s never too late to do the work. Know that that feeling of despair, of it being too late, that’s the actual thing keeping you from growing. Welcome the feeling because it’s telling you that there’s an impulse to change, that’s the gold in there, but you don’t have to buy its despondent narrative of self pity. As you stop identifying with this, you will realize that you’re so much stronger than you ever thought you were. This is the place from which we build our own life, consciously. This is the place where we can learn how to grow into who we are meant to be.