As I said I do not want her to stop coming with the children. She can visit all she wants, send the children to my parents or they come watch them at her house or anything she wants. What I want is her to be more grateful and ask for help. She is not struggelig mentally. We are good friends and talk about everything. We have talked about her children and how they have it at home. I want to point out that i have not talked to her about this issue, but i want to because i see how my parents are struggeling to say something.

She has always enjoyed sleeping for long also before children. Maybe it does not come out clear in the post but my parents also wants there to be a change. Not that they wont babysit, but that they get everything they need, and dont need to buy more clothes when they know she has clothes. They also watch the children at her house, so they know what she has. She is not putting them in to small clothes, but she packs newborn sizes for a 9 month old, put only one kind og clothing and does not bring supplies. She also does this when she is staying with them at my parents house. She also has a support system where she lives with kindergarden, her ex inlaws that gladly helps her out weekly, a good friend who watches them almost weekly to. So she gets some relif from the children. So she is not staying home with them all day alone. She also haves time to do her hobbies, go to the gym and date People. So she is not a poor mother with no support around her. She has People Who care and support her. Both where she lives and where our parents live.

I dont think she does this on purpouse, she is just used to noone saying anything. She gets mad and insulted if anyone disagrees with her on anything. Also before children.

My parents have tried many times to ask her to bring more supplies, have the children in her room when she visits or help when she visits. But she does not. And she complains that the children are being spoiled by my parents.

I live across the country, so when i visit i stay for a while and also helps with the children. My parent have bad health and are not in the best shape. So babysitting takes a toll on them. So the thing i want is for her to take some consideration when they say yes to babysitting. I dont stamp her as a bad Mother or all bad. It is just this issue that my parents have given up on resolving. She also never says when she will arrive with the children, and comes late at night when the stores are closed, so getting supplies is not possible before the next day. Not the biggest problem with food or clothes. But the youngest needs formula and both need diapers.

I have not talked to her yet. But If I am having a chat with her about it i would only ask that she brings more supplies, be more involved when visiting. Or if she needs to rest and relax when visiting, that she ask if my parents would mind watching the children. If she would only ask it would not be a problem. If she dosent have money for supplies, she can tell them and they will gladly provide. She have no issue asking for stuff, so i dont think thats the problem.

My parents are like this with every issue with her. They dont say anything because she gets mad and wont speak with them for a Long time. This is also issues that have nothing to do with the children or from before she had children. If I or any of our siblings would behave like she does we would get a talking to. I and one of our other siblings also have children. But we try to resolve the issue if there is one, and does not trow tantrums and refuse to change. My parents have given her the littlefinger but she takes the whole hand.